Stickman Readers' Submissions July 2nd, 2010

Brothers of Siam

For those, who don't like gay stories, I suggest you go reading something else. I would. I sometimes find it intriguing how many people read stories by gay people like devil reads the bible – Mr. Caveman comes to mind. I wonder if he is that straight and hetero, why he bothers even thinking of gays or deviants as he describes them? Doesn’t he have some pussy hunting to do? I have always maintained my stance that being gay – as much it disturbs anyone – is much similar to being straight. Maybe the phobia we create in some should make them question their own actions. This story is mine and written in belief that it might give some insight to gay life and maybe amuse or intrigue someone.

Dostoyevskys' book 'The Brothers Karamazov' has been one of the most influential ones in the field of literature. I should never simplify it but I do by saying that basically the characters in the book all fail in their own particularly chosen way. One possesses hunger for joys and excitements of life, while the other has great intellect and the third one seeks meaning from religion. And they all fail because they dogmatically keep on their chosen track. There are no multitudes in their lives.

mens clinic bangkok

Personally I might add a remark here that the subject is as old as is art itself. An example from Roman times, The Three Graces, is very similar what comes to its background. There are The Beauty, The Virgin and The Seduction. You could name these allegories found in any person differently but what they represent to us, is that a person needs to be balanced and united with ones different sides to be whole. In psychology since Freud, and especially Jung, the number four has been seen as significant. Four is the magic number in most religions, mandalas, dreams. It comes direct from subconscious mind, the fourth dimension. To think about it, we in Christian religion talk about Father, Son and the Holy Ghost but in the background there looms the Mother of God as all-combining Goddess. Some religions like Catholicism takes it much further in their Virgin Mary cult. This fourth element – if we are not in agreement (or balance) with it – can cause all kinds of difficulties. It is sometimes named as Anima or Animus depending whether you are a man or female because men have female "fourth dimensions" while females have male ones. Clear so far? Good. So accept it guys. You have it in yourselves, fight it and loose you shall. The three other conscious sides we can change and shape but if they are not in balance with our subconscious, it can cause very traumatic situations. Like fighting against your inner self.

The reason why I mention Freud amongst others is that he as so many intellectuals was interested in this book and it's message. The book is all about trying to find a successful life without ever achieving it. Although, the author died before writing the other two parts intentioned that might have had some sort of an interesting suggestion for a solution to end human suffering. But knowing the authors' strive in religious matters, perhaps better this way.

Anyway, cut the story short, this is about three different 'brothers' that I have been having shorter or longer encounters. Sometimes it has been stormy and it makes me think that in Thailand one can't be bored in a relationship or in any family-like living. It is here and now and to some it suites and some it does not. Thais, at least most I have met outside professional life, seem to have no concept of future or be grateful of what good has come to them before. They live here and now and planning saying that something would be possible in – let's say 5-10 years – normally gets an answer something along the lines of "but then I will be old already!".

Somchai of All Seasons

I met him near the corner of Pattaya Beach Road and Walking Street. We had arranged a meeting with my newly met friend from some gay bar. Somchai was his friend. Since I didn't share much of verbal communication with my new 'boyfriend', I had asked him to pick one of his friends joining us on our way to disco to simply have some fun together.

Somchai looked like scared rabbit or a deer in the headlights. That was my first impression, anyway. He was skinny, dark skinned, lovely Thai guy. We didn't much talk since there was not so many words to change.

First night was a celebration of drunkenness and oblivion while the loudspeakers of disco hammered our brains – what was left of brain functions anyway at that stage. Somehow we got to my hotel room. All three of us. The other fellow, called Lung, had been with me few days and we shared not so much. He was a hardened piece of a man. Seen Pattaya last two decades or so. Came there as a very young guy, had a wife and kid, wife left and all those little things that happen in life’s circles. Lung made some excuse and left the room and in the sexually aroused feeling I had fun with his friend. It just happened and I somehow suppose it was supposed to happen. Perhaps Lung knew his friend needed some cash or something and that is where we farangs always come so handy.

wonderland clinic

This was my first ever TBE (Thai Boyfriend Experience) and the start was promising. I did not know much about Thailand neither of its culture. We shared couple of months together and I stupidly fell in love with him. It had been quite awhile since I had been that intimate with anyone and it effected me strongly.

Soon I found myself near Kanchanaburi building a small 1 room, 1 bathroom house on a small piece of land. I was hesitant but thought that I can afford it and see what comes. I had problems with jealousy issues and when having too many drinks we had loud arguments and sometimes it verged on physical attack. I let it go since I was not sure what I actually had done or said in those heated moments but began to see a pattern in Somchai’s behaviour. This came in circles of two to three weeks not depending on my own activities. So, I decided to be sober in case that there was something I did agitating this kind of behaviour. I the result was that it did not need me to pour fuel into flames to get him verging on rage and beyond. I started to have thoughts of departing his company.

Something happened that confirmed my rising distaste of the situation. I have been always a bit slow to notice things happening around me but that does not make me stupid. I will arrive to conclusions sooner or later. I was working at the time in Bangkok as an advisory position and travelled extensively around Thailand. Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Lampang, Phuket, Hua Hin, Pattaya, Khon Kaen, Udon Thani all became very familiar to me. I always gave some money for the period that I was not around to pay for food, utilities and so on. Soon I started noticing that compared to prices in Thailand my Somchai was using money in a manner that suggested something was not as it should be. When confronted, he finally came clear and told me that he had loaned 100K from a local loan shark. This was very much against what we had agreed earlier when I paid his motorbike out of a similar situation. So I got furious and things lead to another to a point he was chasing me around the house with a knife. Not a pleasant experience! Anyway when the situation cooled a little I took my passport and wallet and gave little thought to my other possessions and decided to leave them and I left. I decided that living with someone like him having a go at me every once in a while was not what I was looking for.

In later contemplation I thought that he had some mental problems. He had told me that his mother was a substance user while she was pregnant. He also had bar boy friends who very blunt told him “facts” like one can never have real love with farang, all foreigners are butterflies and the 4F rules meaning: Find them, Fall in love with them, Fuck them and Forget them. These are the rules of bar boys but I doubt very much if it is any different with ladies?

So that was the first brother of Siam.

Nueng of High So Society

My next brother of love was from my professional scene. When I got to know him we worked together consulting various companies, him engineering (cost cutting, quality control etc.) and me as marketing professional.

After a while we moved together. It was not so much about instant flame of love rather than having a brake from warlike personal fighting zone. Finally having someone I could have a proper conversation in English and not to donate my hard earned money into an endless pit of Thai needs. I really liked the guy and hoped that it would lead to a deeper mutual understanding.

He was determined to become someone in the high echelons of Thai society and in my understanding he is in that position nowadays. The downside is that he works like a Japanese salarymen without much of a personal life. I reckon that his daily hours are between 12-16 every day of the week. So that left me rather alone in every possible way. He probably thought that taking care of rent and other utility bills, he was ‘taking care’ of me. I was alone most of the time since my job was seasonal due to seminaries that I was preparing. I felt much like a paid companion. Farang rent boy, indeed!

The more problematic side was that as he was high-so we could not be seen in public and he kept me much away from his friends and family. While I was staying in hotel in Bangkok he could not visit me because of the fear that he would be mistaken as a bar boy! We slept in separate bedrooms and while visiting family I was given a cold shoulder. Nice! So what was there for me? Not much, I suppose.

I believe that many who are looking high-so Thais don’t really know what to expect when actually being successful in their pursuit. From personal experience I don’t recommend it unless you want to keep up appearances all the time and want to have a very high maintenance partner. I do say that ‘up to you’ but I am more seeking for someone that is not all the time thinking what other people are thinking of him (or her). I like normal things, cooking, holding hands, low maintenance family that don’t expect new car, new trips, new this and that, endless need for fashionable gadgets all the time. I really look for love and commitment on both sides, straight-forward talk and honesty. It is and it should never be about money. I agree that one needs a financial planning but it should not be the driving force behind relationship.

I know quite a few wealthy Thai families and I am not impressed. It seems all too much to dwell around finances and plain money issues. I have started to say that I am broke to every question about my financial status. They don’t believe it, of course, since they have seen my house and so on but I simply hate talking about personal finances. Much more so in this country. Thai hierarchy is related to wealth and measuring people that way is not something that I believe to be the right way to determine their true value. This seems somehow stick to local expats as well. Just listen them in bars. How many claim to be millionaires or something similarly outrageously stupid?

So I found that my exploration to higher altitudes of Thai society was not a success.

Thong, my love!

After being in Land of Smile some two or three years, and after my eyelids had opened wide, I thought that internet might be solution to find someone that would fit my idea of a good husband. So I made a list!

not younger than 10 years of my age, I don’t believe having a full relationship with someone very young, Thong is 7 years younger

someone that has a job, important in my opinion because it shows that he can support himself

speaks good or adequate English, I can’t have life with someone speaking pigeon English in the manner of: U go, me go, him go…I need to understand. It is enough difficult to have someone from a different culture not to mention that you don’t share a language with him, as a side note I am not native English speaker but maybe you guessed it from my writing already

does not smoke, I am badly asthmatic so it’s a no-no for me, otherwise I don’t care what people do with their health

is not permanently drunk or frequent visitor to discos or such establishments, I like my share of amber liquid and might visit a ear-destroying disco sometimes but those are not necessary happenings in my expectations, I believe that all mind-numbing things are bad in the long run and don’t want to have that 24/7 in my personal life, might mention that have seen alcoholics too close in my own family – maybe something that affects my views

is located outside tourist zone so no Bangkokians, pattayians, Hua Hinians or phuketians or such, it is strange how Thais seem to pick this ‘take advantage’ –attitude in those locations, many might disagree with me but I have seen and met so many Thais who consider us just as walking ATMs that I really would look someone with more genuine character. Thailand has a large population and there are plenty of nice people who actually work and have decent lives. Tourist spots easily twist ones vision and make one believe that it’s same all over LOS – it isn’t – don’t fool yourself!

No nude pictures! No proper Thai sends or distributes such images. We in the western countries may think that it’s not such a big deal but here in Thailand it is! It’s a good indicator of character and believe me when I say that it’s not a good one!

So, now I hear many saying that making a list is like denying life and true love. Maybe but I believe it is a good way to try to understand what one is looking for. Many may also feel that I am wrong in my views but they are just that – my views.

So, how many hits I got? From all the gay dating sites that I went through for days if not weeks? 2!!! I got whole of two hits! Hmm…these two guys were right age and right background. The other one had a French farang bf before and while we chatted and emailed, it became somehow obvious that it was not over for him for good. When I raised the issue he got furious, something that set off the warning bells for me. He seized to contact me and good that he did.

Thong and I started quite intensive morning chats for a period of two months. This was in the mornings before he went to work. I really enjoyed our talks and started liking him a lot. The hideous picture that he had in his profile – which almost put me off contacting him – appeared to be very bad one compared to his quite handsome face. A big plus, of course. I was honest from the beginning and told what I was. I believe that when it comes to relationships they can’t be based on lies. Internet is so easy when it comes to pretending and masquerading.

So we set up a meeting in his home town Khon Kaen and since I was somehow a bit scared – dunno why exactly – I took my brother with me. He is straight as they come. A note to Caveman: gays can have perfectly normal sisters and brothers. I still remember our meeting at the bus station.

That has been now over four years and I feel that it is getting better and better. We have future plans and just finished building a house. We both contribute to our living and family. I was looking for someone that is good and sincere, someone honest and real, someone to love during the working days and weekends and I believe that I found him. I feel that this is the best time that I have ever had in my life. Hope it continues so for a very long time.

I wrote this story about the three important Brothers of Siam. It was unfinished for a long time but since Caveman was ranting at gays and other deviants, I chose to send it now. Hope it pleases some and gives something to think about.

More about 'The Brothers Karamazov' a book by Fyodor Dostoyevsky at http://en.wikipedia.orgwiki/The_Brothers_Karamazov

Stickman's thoughts:

Notwithstanding that I believe that this submission will probably appeal to few in the readership, I let it through and decided to publish it. With that said, it is unlikely that I will publish any more like it. This has nothing to do with homophobia or anything like that, but simply that this site is dominated by straight guys and I think most are not really interested in stories of this nature.

nana plaza