I am not by any measure an expert on Thailand and I will probably never be. But I have been thinking and reading a lot while living here and I thought you might like to hear what I feel is a factor that a lot of men do not take into account when they meet that “special girl” at the bar.
I have read a few comments over the months about how if a girl is new to the bar it might be all right, but why not a girl who has been there for such a long time…. So here is an idea…
I think the factor that a lot of men do not take into account is that the bar is one of the most addictive things that a woman can get into. It can warp their reality and becomes a drug like heroin or crack for all intents and purposes.
I know a lot of men who like fishing, for myself I find it boring and over-rated. But I do understand the appeal. Patience, baiting the hook just right, trolling for prey and then the big rush of hooking something and the fight to conquer that ensues. I understand the appeal…
Just like working in the bar.
The patience of sitting there hour after hour and never knowing what might pop into the bar. Will it be a fat guy with lots of loot? Maybe if she is lucky a good looking younger guy with love in his eyes. Baiting the hook just the right way with the perfect amount of innocence, hair just right, perfect phrases and makeup: and so-on. Maybe that is why the word “hookers” came into use a long time ago. Then think about the rush… A stranger, drinks and sex. What a mix! Whatever will happen and the appeal of the unknown. It is a rush like no other. And after everything is done and said she can compare stories back at the bar with her friends and they can all have good laughs, talk about the big one from last week. Just like fishermen can talk about their latest expedition. What lures to use, how to perfect the craft and the skill and time it actually takes to land a good one. It is quite the life, it is quite the addiction.
The new girls get groomed by the older girls about what to do, what to say, the mythical stories of the girl who was whisked away to Europe and led the life of a lady of leisure. Ah, the conversations must be much like a bunch of fishermen regaling their friends with tales of the fight and the surrender of the fish. Bad for most men though is that they are seen as the fish, and these “fisherwomen” trade tips and secrets all along the way.
For a lot of women life could not even be easier. Sleep in every day, wake up and all they have to do is look good by night time. Getting her hair done is an investment, same with nails and nice clothes and helpful friends who will be more than willing to help out. Throw in some liberal drug and alcohol abuse and for most and it becomes a heady mix that is in the end addictive and near never-ending (until the big crash comes).
What is actually happening is a mix of chemicals coursing through the brain called endorphins. Endorphins are somewhat like heroin and it is easy to get addicted to that rush. I have seen it over and over again. The girl is talking to some guy and she wants to land the “big fish” her respiration goes up, she becomes animated and laughing, her pupils dilate and I know right then and there she is having a rush. Think about the elevated levels of excitement as she leaves the bar with a customer… whatever will happen. It is dangerous and thrilling, she knows not exactly what is going to go on, but she knows that something very exciting and thrilling will happen. Don’t forget that she may even have a few orgasms thrown in and again – how addictive can that be? The answer is very, very addictive.
So here you are a few months later with your sweetheart and with words of love and forever, off you go to Europe or America or wherever you go. So many men are crushed to find she went right back to the old bar and the old way of life. Even if he is sending her money… the common comment is how could she do this! I say a huge part is the fact that she may very well be addicted to this wonderful, dangerous and thrilling lifestyle called the bar.
I have seen many guys fall in love with a girl from the bar and it seems the shorter time she worked there the better chance she does not go back and they can have a stable life together. The reason for that is that the addiction to the bar life has not quite taken hold or can be broken much easier than with a woman who has been there for a long time. After a while the addiction is everything, danger must be added to in order to get the same kind of rush and the ensuing mental breakdown that must occur from this can be devastating to any woman. I often see the looks of such jealousy and anger in older bar girls towards the younger ones and it could simply be that the older ones miss the rush they see the younger ones getting…
There are many millions of words written about the bar life and Thailand. I think the addiction might be a factor that one may want to take into account when meeting any woman there. On the flip side also as a man you might want to think about if you are addicted also… it can work both ways.
Interesting theory. I reckon the addiction aspect may hold true for some of the younger girls but for the older ones, especially those who are less successful, I reckon they never become addicted. There are girls out there that hate it from day one.