Voting with your Feet

I read “The Pendulum”, by The Yobbo, with great interest. It mirrored several comments I have made over the past year or two in submissions to this site. It also is a coincidence that I recently read an article in my local paper on the issue of interracial marriages that provides more scientific statistics on the issue. First, this is just for the US. Second, this is related to marriage, not just being seen together on the street, so nothing here negates the observations made by Yobbo.

We are in the midst of our once every 10 years census that determines the number of representatives in Congress for each state, and the apportionment to the states of all kinds of federal government benefits. The census also gathers a lot of other interesting data way beyond what the original writers of the constitution intended. The gathering of racial profiles of communities is one unintended result. The article mined this data for its findings.

There were several key statistics in the article that I found interesting; the first being that about 15% of marriages in the US were between people of different races. This did not seem that large based on my own, and my family’s, experience. I think it is an accelerating trend. Older couples are mostly same race and, as you go down the age groups, the percentage of mixed marriages goes up. Since most of the population of the US (only about 65% these days) is Caucasian, I am assuming a large portion of the mixed marriages involve Caucasians.

The article stated that the most frequent mixed race marriage was between Hispanics and Whites. Having been in that category at one time I find this of interest. I assume this is both White men and Hispanic women and White women and Hispanic men. I see lots of both in almost equal numbers (a slight bias towards Wm and Hw). They did not say how preponderant this particular mix was to the overall statistic.

The second statistic was that the percentage of black (American) men marrying outside their race was about 22%. I noted with interest because they made no mention of black women’s propensity to marry outside their race. I have a niece married to a black man, and another that has been dating one for a couple of years. So I get to talk with at least a couple of black American men on a regular basis, where most of the BS is cut out. From these discussions, and others with black female friends, I have learned that very few black American women marry outside their race. This is despite the fact that the number of marriageable black men is much smaller than the number of marriageable black women. I use the definition of marriageable black men given to me by a black female friend; under 50, not married (interesting that age came first), has a job (she said it didn’t have to pay more money than hers, but I think she is fooling herself), and not currently in jail. This is because the black community accepts, and even encourages, successful black men to marry outside their race, as a sign of racial progress, while rejecting any black woman that does so as a race traitor. In poor black communities any black woman dating a white guy is in serious trouble, and subject to all kinds of harassment (including violence and threats of violence). At the vary least she will be suspected of prostituting herself.

The third statistic that was of interest to me, due to my current marriage to a Filipina, was that marriages between white American males and Filipinas had a divorce rate of one half the national averages. That is a big difference. I will posit a couple of reasons why I think the divorce rate statistic with Filipina wives is so low.

First, 70% of all divorces in the US are initiated by the wife. This means more than twice as often it is the wife ditching the husband when she figures she might be better off without him; so much for the for better or worse promise made at the altar. Filipinas are raised with the firm understanding that divorce is not a possibility, which is true in the Philippines, but not in the US. I believe that the attitude carries over in the changed situation, and divorce is not so easily accepted as an option.

The second reason is a little fuzzier, and a matter of my personal experience, so Korski may object to the lack of a sufficiently large sample size upon which to base my conclusion. This is my fourth marriage; two American women, one Hispanic, and now one Filipina. One marriage to an American woman was very successful, and lasted until death did us part. She often told me that I was a good husband, I made her happy, and being married to me improved her life immensely. However, one thing I never heard in any marriage until this one was my wife asking me if I was happy, and if she was being a good wife. My Filipina wife asks this at least once every week. I believe this is the key difference. I will project onto all Asian women the same upbringing that produced the attitude in my Filipina wife that it was her responsibility in the marriage to be a good wife and make her husband happy. In the US it is clear that the only measure of a successful marriage is if the woman is happy. This starts with the wedding; where the bride is the star and the groom is barely an extra, and could be easily replaced by a cardboard cut out. It should be a clear warning of how the rest of the marriage will go, but we men are to dull to pick up the clues. The attitude of making your husband happy, if it ever existed in the US (which I think it did in our mother’s or grandmother’s day), has long since been discarded by American women. Feminism told them they were being enslaved if they did anything to please any man, including their husbands. American women, and those that have become Americanized, feel they have no responsibility in marriage; and owe nothing to the relationship. It is the responsibility of the husband to make the wife happy, and if he doesn’t, then she will make his life a living hell. (Guys, how often have you heard this threat? It is not an idle one.) No one gives a rat’s a** about the happiness of men. A common southern expression is “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If papa ain’t happy, nobody cares.” Is it any wonder that Pattaya is full of middle aged (or older) men looking for some small illusion of any woman giving any consideration to their happiness or needs?

One trend I really feel bad about is the increasing number of young men I run into here that go to Asia and fall head over heels for, and ask to marry, the first girl there that is nice to them. They do this because it is the first time any girl has ever treated them nice, or even with less than with total contempt, and they fear it may never happen again. This is why the BG’s can hook a sponsor or a husband; the competition from the girl next door in the west is so pitiful. Trying to talk them down from the ledge is very difficult. I usually make some effort to encourage them to take it slow, and really know the girl first. I have nothing against them marrying an Asian woman (obviously), but the same due diligence must go into this as in a marriage to any woman.

This apparent trend in young guys is the source of the title “Voting with their Feet”. It may take a while for the effects to be felt in the white American woman population. From what I hear from black women I know they definitely feel the pinch from 22% of “their” men voting with their feet. Black American women have become much less dismissive of men (at least black men) because of the increased competition. They will even publically admit to wanting/needing a man in their lives. I have been quoted the Gloria Steinem saying, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” so many times it makes me want to puke. What a woman that says this is really saying is; “You need me and I don’t need you”. They are putting you in your place. And they say this while spending your money. I just hope us western men can follow the example of our black brothers and marry enough non-western women to change western women’s attitudes. I am doing my part.

Stickman's thoughts:

Someone recently asked me what was most important to me in life and I said happiness and my health. If I was with a woman who thought my happiness was of no concern, well why the hell would I want to be with a woman like that. If a woman does not try to make you happy, then quite simply she is the wrong woman to be married to.