Farang Men / Thai Lady Comments
Through-out the years I've enjoyed reading your insightful and useful columns. For instance it's nice to know that there is someone or a group of people that see and live things in the same manner.
If I may share my Thai experience, and I would like to address in particular to Mr. Stickman and to a former contributor to the column, Jayson.
When I first read the letter by Jayson titled "Farang men/Thai women", I couldn't but strongly agree with what was being said. Needless to say that the part that struck me most was that it was written by a Thai guy.
It would be too long and too general (and perhaps too boring) to explain in one email what I experienced during my stay there.
Let me start with some general conclusions that have lead me to going back to where I came from and settled down. Yet I will probably keep on going there in the future and can't wait to. In all honestly, even if the paradigm of systematic events would suggest the opposite. NB surpassing all physical logic.
I'll try to stick to the facts relevant to the topic for time's sake. And that will be restricted to the usefulness of speaking the local language to secure yourself a local heart, feelings, warmth etc. and unless one can overcome the initial challenges, which I'm about to briefly list, you ain't gone score with a local chick.
Initial difficulties tied to learning the language (and relative usefulness / long run):
On my first attempt to learn the language in order to integrate in the local society (very naive) and secure myself an exotic babe that will give meaning to my life, I realized that it's not gonna happen due to the following reasons. (I'll get to the ladies afterwards).
1. It is very hard to practice the local language when the locals don't want you to (and that says a lot about their morals and perception of you) NB this is mostly related to Sin City and similar locations.
I speak a discrete amount of language having had the blessing to study and work around the world i.e. it is the only place when you ask how to say something in the local language, you get systematically answered with a question followed by an encouragement… "Why you want to know? The language is too hard for you"
2. As anyone who has innocently approached the local language, they will immediately discover that it is a tonal language and it is very easy to mistakenly say one thing for another, or misunderstand the plot cause the same sound has multiple meanings.
From my personal experience, on the first day of class with my teacher, she asks me literally "Why you want to learn, local girls don't like…" Yeah, damn right they don't… I'm someone who likes to lead the game and not be lead by a chick, mind you from Sin City or from the BKK farang venues etc. (the only one's we have access to) <No it is NOT – Stick>
Honestly guys, dead gorgeous local chicks, by international standards, and from superior background and / or education…would rather be dead than caught with you and I, we are NOT their fantasy by FAR.
For anyone in BKK, take a minute to closely inspect the high-end local couples in the high-end shopping malls (the closest we'll ever be to that niche of society). THAT is every local girl's dream one day. Look at how she walks a step behind him and into no-one else's eyes all the time and how she takes close attention to him physically and emotionally.
3. Honestly, perhaps after being in a place for so long, and feeling emotionally empty, makes me feel I'm missing on the local language to fit in. It is very hard to make friends with local guys so as to get an insight i.e. feedback, on the local scene 'cause either one of you will be seen as gays. So it's not very flattering for them to stand around you.
4. Same applies for the opposite sex, as mentioned by our philanthropic contributor, Jayson. Bull's eye, J.
Allow me to say that I started to see the horizon with the sign "BKK Airport" when talking with a very smart local girl that by my standards and her misfortune was working in an unfit position for her capabilities, disclosing to my ears what I've suspected since day one (and she's married and have kid from farang…mind you farang babies are heavier and more burdensome for their constitution, but eventually will have more chances of succeeding in the TV industry, due to his/her genetic heritage) "…coming from a poor family, this is the best choice for me to make for everyone's sake…but if I had a choice, I would choose a Thai man from a good (damn) family…" Sai.
5. The easy cut for learning the local language is from bargirls / street people. If you get it right everyone around you will know where you come from and who you frequent. It's street talk. So in order to make sense of it all one should learn from a proper source, school ; and then learn the slang. NB the language is very rich, pleasing and smart. No wonder we are no match to the local scum.
6. Basically as far as they are seen with one of us, they are labeled in a not so good way and it is burdensome. Eventually the economics of it all pays back; making it worthwhile, but you are only getting the "physical" aspect to a certain extent only, and not the real deal and I'm pro-real-deal.
7. The language? I can honestly say that I worship a farang that speaks the language fluently and envy him from the deepest and darkest of my soul, but he also makes me proud to be a farang.
Although, I've seen local guys being slightly more intimidated by the foreign language skills of the farang, and the ladies were initially surprised but not particularly impressed or cared to dig the subject. Why? Good question, he "knows too much" what is behind the thin and worn facade, to be milked.
8. As much as they don't get the best of the west, we don't get the best of the entire place either.
9. Get real, who the f**** would want to share his intimacy, feelings, physical space etc. with someone who thinks and speaks in a different manner, making them feel awkward and a stranger to themselves, not to mention laughter. They have an awesome sense of humor, you would be honored to assist some of it…so living with a guy with whom one can't have a hearty laugh ?!? It cuts us out. Unless the shenanigans made up for it.
10. According to the local and extremely polite culture, we are :
A. ill-mannered (shaking hands to say the least is filthy, not taking off shoes indoors etc.)
B. smell bad (due to consumption of dairy products and heat intolerance)
C. ignorant by local standards (don't know the local holidays, traditions, foods at right season, colors and relative meanings etc.)
D. if you had a chance where you come from or had some status, you wouldn't be here, loser. And don't say you come here for the food and weather, no one believes it, you're an old, ugly, lonely, rich cheap-Charlie-wannabe.
E. so basically it is nothing too flattering from both ends…or worth spending a fortune over. in other terms, compare the ratio of bad-endings here, to "happy"-endings here, if there are statistically any.
11. Mr. Stickman, this is in your honor. When I started getting a grasp of the language, I was beyond shocked of what was going on around me. Everyone had the firm belief that I was a complete idiot (yes the language barrier) and they spoke of it so bluntly on one side, and kissed and smiled at you on the other side. M neck would snap when I would turn around and hear something nasty said related to my presence etc. I wished I never learned a word of it, it's theirs, the whole damn thing – and these were also people who benefited from my presence in one way or another.
12. I can honestly say, that when I disproved my being a lazy idiot, I was left to my cold and lonely self. But I don't blame them.
I hope I was up to standard for the other readers to have access to my insight, and related to the general topic, "life" for a farang. I'm in my mid-30s, pretty good in the looks-department, healthy, international background and education…but generally speaking I would relate 100% to all of Mr. Stickman's views, and the perforating insight for the blind, supplied by Jayson.
When I went there I wanted to give my life a twist, settle down, and perhaps find someone meaningful like many others before me. But after spending a few years alone there and from north to the most southern islands, I don't see it happening.
Perhaps one would have more luck in the Philippines. Their English skills are outstanding although also life there has its burdens for farang.
In good faith,
For sure, when your language skills reach a certain level you become aware of much more going on, both around you and in society in general. It is nice to know what is going on…but as you say, sometimes what is being said is disturbing.