The Last Stand

Oye Somchai, did you hear that? They're calling us to give the ultimate sacrifice. I'm scared, man. I'm not ready to die. I've got families to support. Two in fact. How do I get out of here?

You can't Lurchai, they've sealed off all exits. They've cut off all power so we can't enjoy the moolahm show and they've cut the water so we can't bathe. I can just see a column of humvees over on the horizon and thousands of troops behind them. We're fried now!

Too right Somchai, why did they pick the hottest time of the year to rally? Our leaders are idiots, they should have checked the weather forecasts!

You're the idiot Lurchai, I mean we're fried as in a fucking wok, they're going to be making Phat Thai with our noodles.

I think it's a big price to pay for democracy but what the hell, our children will remember our heroic deeds.

Not my children Somchai. Eldest daughter is off in Germany living the good life with a bold farang who dotes on her and younger daughter is trying to make a living as a bartendee in some farang owned restaurant with chrome poles. Mind you I've never seen the inside of the place but she said they need the poles to hold up the joint. That leaves my son who just got conscripted and is more than likely out there behind the humvees ready to shoot our arses off. That's the thanks you get for being a good father!

I know what you mean Lurchai! My son, the bastard, well I still don't know if I fathered him or not, joined the police as a constable fifth class and we've never seen him since. I heard he's a security guard in his spare time at a condo down Thonglor way. Now that he is a Bangkokian he turns his nose up at us poor Isaan folk. Little does he realise that he's got a flat nose just like us and it's a bloody giveaway…..Hey, I've just had an idea. If we could just get our hands on some yellow shirts we could make it out of here before all hell breaks lose. What do you reckon?

Don't ask me ; I told you in the last story that I was colourblind, don't you remember?

Ah yeah, something about the Saudi desert and sun. You know you should have stayed there and joined the Al Quida, it would've come in handy now.

I tried Somchai but they wouldn't have me. They said I'm not brave enough and don't believe in virgins. How could I, they don't have any in Thailand!

Ok Lurchai, I see some yellow shirts over yonder…shit, it's already worn by people. We've got no choice, it's them or us! We got to rob them of their attire and wear it ourselves to survive. How about it?

What are you trying to do Somchai, start a civil war over a few T shirts? I've got a better idea! Let them come into our compound and serve them some sticky rice and chicken washed down with some home brew and when the Army see them mingling among us they'll refuse to shoot. You know they never kill yellows and they'll be our shields. We'll tell Abhisit that we're all reconciled already, no need for elections, just resign and piss off.

Hey Lurchai, you're not as stupid as you look. Why didn't I think of that? Brilliant idea! I'll tell our leaders what I just came up with!

You do that Somchai. Anything just so I don't have to expire and reincarnate as a buffalo! Hurry, there's no time to waste.

Ok, Ok I'm going already! While I'm over there talking to our leaders you should pack up everything including the looted stuff we got out of Zen Department store the other day. Don't forget the Japanese gilded chop sticks which are so handy for nose picking. We'll be the envy of the village when we show up with that! Ah yeah, I almost forgot, send an SMS to the headman that we'll be home soon and get our wives off the farm to cook our daily meal.

I can't send an SMS Somchai, did you forget I can't write?

Ah shit. I've just remembered what this rally was all about. Education and betterment of the underclass. Yep Lurchai we were doing it for the likes of you, so you could SMS and read the bottom of the screen on the karaoke machines. Have no fear my friend, it's not over yet till the fat lady sings. But better send her some garlands. Hehehe..