Reply To Jayson
I did have a story about my last visit to Thailand but after reading Jayson’s submission I consigned it straight to the waste paper bin. As Jayson suggests, it is just a purely superficial experience and no real knowledge or conclusions about Thailand or the Thai people can be drawn. On first reading of Jayson’s submission it is easy to perceive it as arrogant and offensive but I don’t know any other way he could present the cold hard facts he wanted to cover. Jayson could have softened the piece or diluted the content and made it all warm and fluffy and applied some ‘sugar coating’ but the message he wanted to get through needed a sledge hammer to cut through many misconceptions of Thai women people (me included) may have built up.
I have given much thought to Jayson’s piece and I have DEFINITELY lowered my expectations of falling in love with a Thai woman and living happily ever after together. In fact it is running at about 0% chance of ever happening.
The main point that Jayson makes that really strikes to the very core of what was my dream was his description of a Thai woman who sees a Farang as her last desperate opportunity for financial security, for herself, her children and her family. Of course she would be appreciative and possibly even come to like me but…..love me? I think not. I was NEVER!! her dream man and points 1 – 6 are the primary motivations that forced her to consider me as a option. If I really take a close look I would not be option number two on her list I’d turned up around option number 7. If I truly loved a Thai woman would I want to be complicit in resigning her to such a future.
One point of discussion that Jayson entered into surprised me greatly. That Thai women could not love. I have had VERY limited exposure to Thai women both ‘bar girl’ and non ‘bar girl’ and they have left me in no doubt they have a great propensity to love. I found them to be extremely tender kind and romantic and on occasion quite passionate. Another thing I found was that once you gain their trust and they felt you were genuine they revealed the most delightful sense of humour that I found absolutely captivating.
A couple of close friends are aware of my love of Thailand and particularly my love of Thai women. I just find them beautiful. I cannot tell you how many times they have said to me ‘Oh why don’t you marry one and bring one back?”. Their question bewilders me as I am sure my answer bewilders them. Why on earth would I take a beautiful Thai woman from her loved Thailand and bring her here? I suppose I have a confused reaction because my perception is that I am “trading UP” to a Thai woman and I got the impression after visiting Thailand that the Thai woman would be definitely “trading DOWN” by coming to a western country. Jayson really nailed that point in his submission.
I really tried to find just ONE point Jayson put forward that I simply did not agree with in all honesty I could not find one, other than his dislike of a Thai woman attempting to speak English, badly. I think I understand why he finds it frustrating to listen to because on one hand he sees a Thai woman speaking with beautiful communication skills in Thai and then to see the same Thai woman struggle to communicate using simple English would be a little grating to him. Because I do not speak Thai I find their attempt at English adorable. I am always acutely aware that the communication problem is my fault not the Thai person because I am in their country so the onus is on ME to speak the language not the Thai person to speak my language. <I think Jayson could have omitted this point although it is his opinion and he is obviously entitled to voice it – Stick>
I have read Jayson’s submission about 20 times and each time have picked up a better understanding of where I fit in with the entire Thai / Farang scenario. Any Farang that doesn’t make an effort to take on board the salient points Jayson has made, as unpalatable as they may be, increases his rate of failure in having a successful relationship with a Thai woman a 1000 fold.
It is an excellent submission and to be honest I think it should be given a TRIPLE GREEN STAR rating. In fact scrap ALL submissions and simply put this one up!
I have my next trip to Thailand booked for June. I am off to Pattaya. Foremost in my mind will be that it is all superficial make-believe and that I will not return with a better understanding of Thailand, the Thai people or Thai women.
It is an excellent submission Jayson. Thank you.
Jayson's submission discussed but did not explicitly raise or state one point – and that is that Western men in Thailand seldom try to be their woman's dream man. BKKSW has raised this point time and time again – a little effort goes a long way. But I would take it further. If you make a reasonable effort not only to improve yourself but to be a highly desirable guy, then you will not just do better with Thai women, you will have access to more desirable women. Be nicely presented, polite, generous (without being silly and trying to "buy" her), in shape and as Jayson points out, speak Thai well then believe me, you will just about have your pick!