Stickman Readers' Submissions May 28th, 2010

Pattaya And The Isaan Princess

It was so hot in Pattaya. I had just come down from Bangkok for an overnight stay. I had visited Pattaya overnight on my last trip to Thailand two months prior. I had taken a woman I had met online so I didn’t really get to see all Pattaya had to offer. I had caught a glimpse and was more than interested in taking a much closer look. It was late afternoon and I had just been on a ‘fact finding mission’ and was heading back to my Hotel to shower and get changed to head out and find some company for the evening. Earlier I had started chatting to three British lads who were good enough to bring me up to speed with the various areas and a guide to prices. On their advice I checked out Soi 7, 8 and 9. It was their description of Soi 6 that sparked my interest. They described it as a ‘short time’ district with rooms above each bar but that I should put a ‘Hotel’ ‘long time’ deal to them and see if they were interested. I have never done the ‘upstairs room’ thing. It just does not appeal to me at all. Three nights before I had gone to Nana Plaza and my regular ‘bar girl’ wasn’t there so I picked up at a ‘go go’ bar and went back to my Hotel with her. Nope not my thing either. ‘Boom Boom Bye Bye’ no thanks it doesn’t do it for me. I suppose I will never really make a ‘monger’. My intention was to swing by Soi 6 on my way back to the Hotel as that was where my focus was going to be that night. It was so hot and I had been walking around for two hours so I grabbed a couch in one of the open bars and ordered a Coke to cool off. I wasn’t really paying attention to my surroundings I was thinking about the two days I had just spent with another woman I had met online. She was really nice and I got the feeling she was really interested in having a relationship with me. Problem is I find the whole process confusing. As I pondered the whole ‘dating’ thing and how crap I was at it something caught my attention from across the soi. One of the ‘bar girls’ from across the Soi was waving at me and trying to get my attention. I smiled and waved back to be polite. She then proceeded to point at me, then her and then pointed to upstairs. Somehow we managed to organise a ‘Hotel’, ‘Long Time’ 500 baht ‘bar fine’ and 1000 baht for her, all done using sign language across the Soi. Before I proceeded across the Soi to seal the deal I checked off my strict criteria list. Those being, she MUST approach me, she must be 30 plus (I am 54) she must have average looks (just like me), she must be of average height and build (just like me), and she must have a genuine, interested smile. She definitely checked all the boxes. The only thing I felt uncomfortable about is I hadn’t had a shower, shaved and changed into some nice clothes. However, I had the feeling I wasn’t going to get out of Soi 6 without her with me. I went across and all the ‘bar girls’ were giggling, as they do. I was really surprised she was really attractive. I was so busy doing sign language I hadn’t taken much notice of her appearance other than she had a nice smile and lovely long black hair. I paid the ‘bar fine’ and she went up to get changed so we could head off. This was always a scary time because you never know what they are going to change into. My fears were allayed when she returned in the loveliest slinky red dress. I am so over the denim shorts and t-shirts of Bangkok ‘bar girls’.

As ‘Noi’ and I headed back to the Hotel she told me she had only been working for about two months and she had only had one customer in the last month. I always take this information with a ‘grain of salt’ but after getting to the room and some exhausting three hours later I kind of got the feeling she may have been telling the truth. One thing that really impressed me was when that slinky red dress came off she had the sexiest lingerie on. One thing that the Bangkok ‘bar girls’ should pay more attention to. I was REALLY liking Pattaya and I really liked ‘Noi’ and I really wanted to spend more time getting to know her.

He Clinic Bangkok

That night it took me some time to understand why she felt she would not be able to sleep in the bed. Apparently she was accustomed to sleeping on the floor above the bar with the other girls. I was a little shocked and when she suggested I sleep in the bed and she slept on the floor beside the bed I became a little horrified at the thought of having a woman sleeping on the floor and me sleeping in the bed. I understood her concern though. If she had asked me to sleep on the floor above the bar, where she felt comfortable, I would have my doubts as to whether I would be able to sleep very well, if at all. I suggested we head back to the bar and see the girls and have a few drinks and mess about. I was hoping she would feel more comfortable with me and return to the Hotel. We had fun at the bar and my plan worked and ‘Noi’ was keen to return to the Hotel with me and spend the night. Had a big hassle at the ‘resort’ hotel. The door we had used prior that bypassed the front foyer was locked and as I tried to open it a security guard appeared and escorted us to the front desk. The security guy and the front desk staff weren’t as rude as the staff at the Hotel in Bangkok (I had the same hassle there too). Of course they wanted their 1000 baht rip off fee. ‘Noi’ had told me earlier that she had never been to a Hotel with a client although on one occasion a client was going to but when hit with the 1000 baht fee decided not to pay (cheap bastard). That wasn’t going to happen on this occasion and I told the woman to charge my credit card and me and ‘Noi’ set off to enjoy our night together.

We chatted away and I found out that she was Isaan and came from Chang Mai. ‘Noi’ showed me a pic of her daughter. I just love little Thai children. They are so cute. I just assumed she was divorced but it turned out her husband had died in a motor cycle accident and she showed me scars on her ankle from the accident. I expect these are the events that led her to being with me. We had fun being together and fooling about late into the night. ‘Noi’ got a real kick out of the magic tricks I showed her. I felt really comfortable with her she really struck me as a nice person. ‘Noi’ fell asleep and I watched her for a while. She slept like a baby. That peaceful calm innocent look. She really was a princess.

We woke very late and ‘Noi’ was a little surprised when I told her I would come with her back to the bar. I wanted to make sure she got her ID back without being hassled or treated rudely and I wanted to make sure she got back to the bar safely. We jumped into a Taxi Truck. A funny thing happened, there was an American or a Canadian man in the Taxi Truck. As me and ‘Noi’ got out he caught my attention and informed me that my girlfriend was ‘popping’ out of her dress. I looked at ‘Noi’ but as she had her bra on I didn’t see what the fuss was about and just smiled and shrugged my shoulders at him. I didn’t see it as a big issue. She had been ‘popping’ in and out of that dress all night. He then got ‘Noi’s’ attention and indicated to her what the problem was. “Noi’ laughed and organised her dress. We both thought it a bit odd. ‘Noi’ acted all innocent and kept overly ensuring she was covered which made me laugh. It became a bit of a running joke between us. ‘Noi’ would start organising her dress and as she did it she would apologetically say ‘Oh sorry. Sorry, sorry’. It always made me laugh. She really had a great sense of humour. We got back to the bar and I told ‘Noi’ I was going to check out of the Hotel and check into one on Soi 8 that the British lads had told me about that had a better attitude about ‘guests’ in rooms and that I would come get her later that afternoon. I paid ‘Noi’ 2000 baht. I know the deal was 1000 baht but I had the most wonderful fun and romantic night with her. When I paid her 2000 baht ‘Noi’ got excited saying ‘Oh for tonight?’. I didn’t realise at the time but the reason she was excited was because she thought I was booking her for that night. I am such a bonehead sometimes.

CBD bangkok

I changed Hotels and did some shopping and hunted down an Espresso Coffee (Central Festival Mall Cnr, Beach Road & Soi 9 street level ). One thing I really miss in Thailand is my espresso machine. I bumped into the British lads I had met the day before. They were definitely out of control. There was a raging joke going on as one of them had enjoyed a liaison with a ladyboy the previous night. Apparently they were all rolling drunk and he had spotted a ‘hot’ Thai girl he was interested in hooking up with. His mates, although just as drunk realised the ‘girl’ was a ladyboy and put it to him if he hooked up with ‘her’ they would pay his way. Off he went. Oh dear. Actually they showed me a photo of her and she DEFINATELY! looked hot. They were absolutely having the time of their lives.

I relaxed and had a swim in the Hotel pool and pondered the upcoming night with ‘Noi’. I reflected on the similarities between me and ‘Noi’ and the social dynamics that brought us together. We were in many ways kindred spirits. ‘Noi’ at 32 and a single mother was considered old and of no further value as a woman or wife by her society. The same held for me in the west at 54 I am considered over the hill and of little to no value as a man or husband by my society. Neither of us would be considered ‘attractive’ by our respective peers. I am not blessed with George Cluney appearance and ‘Noi’ is prejudiced by the colour of her skin and the shape of her nose. Neither of us had escaped emotionally unscarred by the events in our lives. I am not sure if you can survive the death of the ‘man of your dreams’ and your ‘one love’ and the father of your child. In one instant ‘happily ever after’ is irretrievably destroyed and you are assigned to the ‘scrap heap’ of life. An emotionally and financially destructive western marriage where escaping with a small amount of self worth or dignity is remote has a similar end result. We are both considered penniless within our societies. I don’t have huge assets which is frustratingly a global reality for any man without youth on his side wanting a successful, long term relationship with ANY woman be she Asian or Western or European. I expect we are both resigned to our fate of spending the last stretch of our lives alone and unloved. However, tonight, just maybe, we can both escape the harsh realities of our respective worlds and for a brief moment feel we are valued, loved and genuinely appreciated just because we are.

I was only going to stay one night in Pattaya but after meeting ‘Noi’ I wasn’t inclined to head back to Bangkok. All the protest in Bangkok was making it a little difficult to get around and I had got a warning via email from the Australian Government warning me to leave Bangkok as things were getting a little dangerous.

Later in the afternoon I decided to go find ‘Noi’ and start the night. I walked into Soi 6 and ‘Noi’ spotted me straight away. Her face lit up but then quickly turned to a frown as I took up a position on the couch at the Bar opposite. I sat down ordered a Coke and looked across at ‘Noi’. She was not happy at all. I started to use sign language across the Soi asking if she was interested in me. She realised I was fooling about and played along. The girl sitting in the bar next to me could not fathom what was going on. She kept saying ‘She like you, go!’. I just kept saying ‘No I not think she like me’. Eventually I walked across the Soi took ‘Noi’ and kissed her. All the girls ooohed and aaaahed and giggled away. I got the feeling that ‘Noi’ didn’t think I was coming to get her that night. Wild horses wouldn’t have kept me away. ‘Noi’ went up and got changed. She turned up in a pair of denim shorts but not those tiny short, shorts the bar girls wear in Bangkok.

wonderland clinic

I wasn’t feeling too well in the afternoon and realised I hadn’t eaten for two days so we headed off to have something nice to eat. We shared Thai Fried Rice with Egg and Deep Fried Whole Fish with Sweet & Sour Vegetables. I just love Thai food. We went up and had a look at Walking Street. Walking Street is really worth looking at. There were so many people strolling up and down the street looking at the various Bars. There was a traffic jam at the intersection of Beach Road and Walking Street. One Bar had a Thai boxing ring out the front. I hadn’t seen Thai boxing before. I found it really violent. Those guys are seriously tough young men. ‘Noi’ just watched on as if it was a beach Volleyball game. I was really impressed with some of the live bands in the various bars. They were doing some really good covers of the Stones, Credence, Deep Purple. They really rocked. Oh there was one guy doing an Elvis impersonation but not very well. I am not really an Elvis fan anyway. I did notice one bar that seemed to have all these western bar girls on offer. I think it was called ‘Paris’ or something. Have NO IDEA why anyone would be interested. I certainly wasn’t. I wouldn’t bother going into any of the Bars they all looked expensive and contrived. It was all very Western in that some had male spruikers out the front trying to drag punters in. I got the feeling it was all designed to tip you upside down and shake the last dime out of your pocket. No thanks I had my Isaan princess with me and I was really happy. I liked teasing her by going to hold her hand and when she reached to take my hand I’d move my hand away. She would always have a little smile as I did it. I am sure she was thinking ‘ok Mr Smartass you’ll keep’. We headed off for an espresso coffee and I saw a dress stall and bought ‘Noi’ a dress she liked. It was only 400 baht and it made her happy. Then ‘Noi’ says ‘OK! HOTEL!!!’. Lol who was I to argue the girl had made up her mind.

I know many men like to rack up 30 bar girls in two days or just get drunk have one ‘Boom Boom Bye Bye’ bar girl a night. I enjoy the connection, the intimacy and getting to know the one bar girl and just have some fun together. The Hotel had a great set up. Right out front was a convenience store so I grabbed a bottle of Heineken and a bottle of Singha beer on the way up to the room. I was so pleased when we entered the Hotel. Not only did I get a friendly welcome but ‘Noi’ got just as warm a welcome. The staff politely asked for her ID and wished ‘Noi’ a pleasant stay. That REALLY impressed me. When we got to the room I couldn’t find a bottle opener. I had a shower and when I came out I noticed ‘Noi’ was pouring a beer. I asked her if she had found a bottle opener. She had this sheepish smile on her face. I pressed her on how she had opened the bottle. ‘Noi’ put the bottle to her mouth and made a ‘pssshhh’ noise. She so made me laugh. We had a really romantic night together and I truly enjoy when you get to the point of just being comfortable together.

I am no expert but I felt Pattaya was much better than Bangkok. The Taxi Trucks are great to get around Pattaya when compared to the continual hassle with Bangkok’s Taxi Meters and scamming Tuk Tuk drivers. It is a good idea to keep a pocket full of 10 baht coins. Just wave down a Taxi Truck jump on and press the buzzer when you want off. As a guide half way round Pattaya 10 baht, all the way round 20 baht per person. No agro security staff dragging you out of lifts and through the lobby to extract 1000 baht off you and embarrass your guest as much as possible. In fact I got the feeling that if you didn’t invite a guest to your room the staff would enquire if you were feeling ok and could they call a doctor. The staff are really polite to your guest as well. I found some really good espresso coffee places which is a little difficult in Bangkok. I don’t like Starbucks coffee. Pattaya does not have the many street food stalls that Bangkok streets have. I do enjoy wandering the busy streets of Bangkok and sampling the fried chicken, satay chicken and beef with sticky rice, the cool sliced watermelon and freshly squeezed fruit juice and of course my favourite fried banana but the many restaurants in Pattaya I have found to be excellent in quality and price. The shopping isn’t as varied as in Bangkok. There are many theme bars throughout Soi 6, 7, 8, 9 so it has a real community thing going on which is in stark contrast to the go go bars in Nana Plaza where people become a little faceless. It was VERY easy to meet up with fellow visitors and they all seemed more than happy to explain and recommend places they had positive experiences with. Don’t hesitate to say hello and ask questions. Entertainment costs were better for ‘Hotel’ ‘Long Time’ Bangkok Total = 4600 baht (includes 1000 baht Hotel fee which most Hotels are rudely and aggressively charging in bkk), Pattaya = 1500 baht. Upstairs ‘knee trembler’ Bangkok 2600 baht Pattaya 1000 baht. There were any number of businesses that offered motor scooter hire. I did ask about needing a licence to ride one and they assured me ‘no problem’. You might want to check your travel insurance though. You may not be covered if you have an accident. I had been to Nana Plaza a couple of nights before and I can assure you the client to bar girl ratio in Nana was 5 clients – 1 bar girl but it was definitely 1 client – 10 bar girl ratio in Pattaya. I caught a coach down to Pattaya from Ekamai Bus Terminal but my Pattaya Hotel had a Taxi Meter offer of 1000 baht to my Hotel door in Bangkok. If you were heading for the airport it was only 800 baht.

I spent the day with my beautiful Isaan princess ‘Noi’ and returned to Bangkok that evening. Looking back I should have stayed with ‘Noi’ and not returned to Bangkok at all. I hooked up with my regular bar girl ‘Nann’ at Nana Plaza. She proceeded to get blind drunk, ran up a ‘check bucket’ of 6000 baht and was to drunk for sex. She had NEVER done anything like that before. I ended up putting her in a Taxi and sending her on her way. Such a shame it ended that way with ‘Nann’ we had some really fantastic romantic times together. I had really fallen in love with her. Oh well. Looking on the bright side at least when you have a falling out with your ‘bar girl’ it doesn’t cost you everything you own like a wife does. Seriously the most EXPENSIVE sex you have in your life is the sex you DON’T pay for. Anyway I had some wonderful memories of my time with ‘Noi’ to take home with me.

I have my 4th trip to Thailand booked for June and I will definitely be heading straight for Pattaya and maybe heading up to Bangkok for an overnight stay and some shopping and street food then back to Pattaya. I hope I can find another Isaan princess to spend some time with.

Stickman's thoughts:

It seems like today is the day of the sex tourist, with you and Thai Lover both going on about nightlife.

nana plaza