Readers' Submissions

Jayson’s Submission, My POV

  • Written by Bababooey
  • May 10th, 2010
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Objectively, I agree with Jayson. What he writes is really common sense, and I would like to think that the majority of Stickmanites know this. So why is everyone getting so upset about his submission if it makes so much sense? Perhaps, for some, it was a rude awakening? Who knows? I can really only speak for myself and what really bothered me about his submission is that I feel it spews vitriol and hate right off the page. It’s really nasty and I wonder what Jayson’s real motivation is for his submission. I certainly don’t believe it is to be helpful to us. If Jayson wished to be helpful he could have easily boiled down his submission to one of his beloved lists with a quick paragraph explaining his background. Maybe something like this: Hi Stickmanites, I’m a Thai guy and would like to give you my thoughts and some advice on dating regular Thai woman, e.g. those not employed in the industry and those not actively seeking a foreign husband. I like lists as they are easily digestible, so here is my list on how to meet and date Thai women:


1) Learn to speak polite Thai fluently…etc, etc, etc.

I think most of you will get my point here and I really don’t wish to completely re-write Jayson’s submission, and I’m sure Stick would not like me to either. Maybe he could’ve added a few paragraphs explaining his points and he’d have been done. His sub might not have made the 800 word count, but I think Stick might have made an exception as it really does make some good points. Obviously, he chose not to go this way.

Granted, maybe Jayson wanted his submission to really hit hard. He does, after all, call it a reality check. However, I think he went a little overboard and at least in my opinion comes off as vicious and bitter, about what, I’m not sure. Maybe some guys are foolish with their money and I’m sure that there are a lot of boneheads out there but I feel he just went too far and I’m asking myself why? What’s the real motivation behind his submission? More on these questions a little later. There are numerous examples of his nastiness, but here are two that stand out to me. My list, so to speak:

1) Jayson describes those who date / marry outside the cultural norm as deviants. Sure, I read Caveman’s recent submission where he gives us the definition of a deviant and it does say that it is an offensive term and I would conjecture that it carries much more weight than its definition belies. It is a very powerful word, often pedophiles are called deviants and I would be loathe to lump together pedos with those who date outside their cultural norm. Without arguing semantics I think that most native / fluent English speakers would agree that when commenting on interracial or cross cultural couples that deviant is not a word that would spring to mind, perhaps unusual or different might be the words used. By Jayson’s definition, Stickman himself is a deviant as he is married to and has dated Thai woman in the past. I think Stick might take a little umbrage if a stranger were to call he and his wife deviants to his face? <I've been called much worse :)Stick> Now, Jayson tells us that he is fluent in English. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he understands what the word deviant really implies. What his use of deviant implies to me, at least, is that Jayson may have very serious issues with race and other cultures and has a somewhat skewed outlook on the rest of the world. Whether it’s due to his upbringing or whatever, I really don’t know. What I do know is that it is not a word I would use when discussing this subject and again I have to ask why?

2) Once again Jayson shows us his true heart when he refers to Western men abandoning their “half breed” children in Thailand. “Half breed” is another strong term, not generally used in the Western world unless attempting to express some sort of contempt and as Jayson is fluent in English, then I can only believe that he is once again exposing his personal issues with other ethnicities and cultures. I wonder what the reaction of a proud western father would be if a stranger referred to his bi-racial child as a “half-breed”? Again, I have to ask myself why all the nastiness?

So what is Jayson’s motivation? I’ve read all the responses to it and some opinions have been given (oh boy!!) but I was curious as to what non-Stickmanites might have to say about Jayson’s submission. I emailed a link to the submission to quite a few of my friends, all westerners, mostly Caucasian but some other ethnicities as well, male and female and some with experience in Thailand and some without, but all non-Stickies and asked them to give me some feedback on it. So here are some of their responses:

1) From a white male who has spent time in LOS. “Maybe he is disgusted with the bar scene in Thailand and disgusted at how so many white guys think they can have any Thai chick they want, when in fact they can’t. Seems angry about something though!”

2) From a white female with no experience in LOS. “Has he spent any time in the West? I’m going to assume he has from his comments on the American judicial system and some of the other things he says. Anyhow, he doesn’t seem to like us very much, maybe he had some bad experiences here.”

3) From an African-American male with no experience in LOS (BTW, he does date interracially). “WTF, I’m a deviant for dating white girls? I thought it was because I've asked for a Blumpkin once in awhile or done a Spiderman on occasion.” (I emailed him back to find out what a Spiderman was, I already knew what a Blumpkin was (gross) and if anyone wants to know what either term means then feel free to email me.)

4) From a white male, living and working in LOS (speaks some Thai, but not fluently). “Maybe some rich farang stole his girlfriend and he’s trying to get the rest of us to back off.”

So, there are a few outside opinions. Generally, most of the emails I got back said that Jayson had some good points, but most felt that he had some issues as well. Angry & nasty were the most common terms used to describe his submission, and I would have to agree. Once again, I will state that I really do agree with Jayson’s points when it comes to dating Thai women. Just the other day a recently divorced & overweight friend of mine mentioned that he would like to start dating and I politely suggested that he lose some weight and that he might want to upgrade his wardrobe before getting out there. I am sure if I had told him he was a fat, underdressed slob he might not have taken it so well. I think it is Jayson’s nasty tone that has gotten under a lot of people's skin, not his message, which again is really common sense and most of his dating tips could be applied worldwide. I have to ask Jayson, what has gotten you so angry?

Stickman's thoughts:

For sure, had Jayson been a little more prudent with his choice of words we might not have seen such outrage from some quarters. For me personally, I look at the meat – the main message – and try to overcome the tone.