Stickman Readers' Submissions May 12th, 2010

A Reality Check – A Look at the Foreign Males in Thailand

So, is Jayson’s submission correct, or what?

In Jayson’s submission of a few weeks ago, he argued that most “normal” Thai ladies prefer to date Thai men, and that most Thai ladies who do date foreigners are doing it because they can’t attract a decent Thai guy – they’re uneducated, older, or just plain ugly.

He Clinic Bangkok

Jayson has a point. Most of the time, when you see a Thai girl walking hand in hand with a farang, she definitely isn’t supermodel material. As a Thai male, Jayson must often be amazed to see how often farangs will date girls that his upper-class Thai friends wouldn’t even give the time of day.

Unfortunately, Jayson only looks at half the picture: the female side of the Thai-farang relationship equation. So for the sake of completing the missing half of Jayson’s submission, here’s a look at the Farangs that travel to Thailand in search of a relationship – and why they end up with some of the least attractive Thai women.

Thailand is a Magnet for Unattractive Guys

CBD Bangkok

All kinds of farang come to Thailand for holiday. For most, it’s a place to visit beautiful beaches, gorgeous islands, and maybe shag a cheap bargirl (or ten). Most of these farang never consider having a serious relationship with a Thai girl. On the other hand, there is a distinct group of farang who come to Thailand specifically to find a relationship with a Thai girl. And most of these farang have at least a couple of the following characteristics:

1. Middle aged, overweight, poorly dressed, and/or below average in appearance.

2. Spend much of their free time in Thailand in bars, often frequent prostitutes.

3. Have gone through a painful divorce, and harbor feelings of resentment and distrust to women.

4. Poor social skills, especially when it comes to relationships and dealing with the opposite sex.

wonderland clinic

5. Diagnosed or undiagnosed mental disorders.

In short, most of the farang guys in the dating pool in Thailand are of low attractiveness. They aren’t going to have success with a very attractive girl – in any country, not even in Thailand.

Desperate Guy + Desperate Girl = Happily Ever After?

Most of the unattractive farang guys described above struggle to get any girl in their home country. If they do manage to get a date with a farang woman, it's usually with a women who shares many of their own characteristics: middle-aged, unattractive, loads of emotional baggage.

So for these guys, they’re perfectly happy with what’s “available” to them in the Thai dating pool. A Thai woman in her thirties, from Issan, with a couple of kids, isn’t going to turn any heads among most Thai males, but is far better than what these farang guys are getting in their own countries.

Whether such relationships actually work out in the long haul is anybody’s guess. Many would argue the odds of relationship stability in the long run are poor. Nonetheless, it's not hard to understand why many unattractive guys think that Thailand is a man’s paradise.

So Where are the Attractive, Good Farang guys at?

I’ve had lots of Thai female friends ask me for advice on dating foreign guys. The advice I almost always give is to try to study or work in a Western country, and then find a farang guy in his native country. The reason, simply being, is that just as most “normal” Thai girls don’t date foreigners, most “normal” farang guys don’t travel to Asia to find a girlfriend or wife. In fact, most “normal” farang guys:

1. Primarily or exclusively date farang women.

2. Marry someone who shares similar interests, goals, values, and level of education, almost always someone they meet in their own country.

3. Thinks that guys who go to Thailand looking for a wife are losers.

4. Would be slightly embarrassed dating a Thai girl, out of fear that he would be mistaken for one of the “losers” discussed above.

5. Doesn’t give much thought to Thailand or Thai girls.

In his article, Jeison identifies several reasons why most “normal” Thai girls aren’t particularly interested in farang: inability to communicate due to language barriers, different cultural values, and the role of media in shaping one’s idea of an “ideal” mate. Well, all those reasons hold true the other way around. Most “normal” farang guys want to date a girl who speaks fluent English, who understands their jokes and cultural references, and who shares a similar background.

It’s a Wonderful World for Deviants

So far, we’ve been discussing “normal” Thai women, and “normal” farang guys. And we’ve come to the conclusion that most “normal” people date within their own race. And that most of the Thai / farang relationships involve guys and girls who haven’t succeeded in dating in their own back yards – and that’s why they’re willing to try something a little different. Dating someone of another race isn’t their first choice – it’s a last resort.

But there’s a very, very important exception here. Some people are just different. Some might even call them deviant! People who, believe it or not, prefer to date someone of another culture. This is where Jayson misses the boat. “Normal” Thai women, as Jeison correctly points out, don’t speak English very well, don’t give farangs much thought, and aren’t really interested in anything beyond the borders of Thailand. There is another category of Thai women – much smaller but significant in number – who may possess some of all of the following “deviant” characteristics:

1. Speaks English comfortably – perhaps even fluently!

2. Has travelled, worked, or studied overseas.

3. Can understand and relate to both Thai and Western culture.

4. Prefers dating foreigners over similarly attractive Thai guys.

These deviant women may or may not be beautiful, well bred, or highly educated, but they do differ from most Thai women in that they seek out an interracial relationship, rather than accept one as a last resort. They may even have Thai guys falling all over them, but still prefer a farang boyfriend!

So who do these Thai “deviants” end up dating? Not Thai men, and certainly not the unattractive farang guys who come to Thailand out of desperation. Fortunately for these “deviant” ladies, there are also “deviant” foreign guys, who also prefer dating Thai ladies – and not just because its their only option. These deviant guys most likely:

1. Feel a strong affinity to Thai culture, religion, and / or people.

2. Have spent a significant amount of time studying, traveling or working in Thailand.

3. Can understand and relate to both Thai and Western culture.

4. Prefer dating Thai girls over similarly attractive farang girls.

As with the women, these deviant guys may or may not be young, handsome, and rich. A guy who’s none of the above probably won’t end up with a very beautiful Thai lady – no matter how well he may speak Thai or understands Thai ways of thinking. But – and this is just my experience – there are way more desirable “deviant” Thai ladies interested in foreigners than there are desirable “deviant” farang guys living in Thailand.

So, this is the bottom line: if you’re a white guy who’s really into Thai culture, lives in Thailand, is willing to study the language, and is at least decent looking, not too old, and earn a stable income, you will have no problem at all dating attractive Thai women.

Leave the “normal” Thai women to the “normal” Thai guys. It’s a wonderful world for deviants!

Stickman's thoughts:

I thought this was absolutely tremendous, brutally honest with and I pretty much agreed with every word.

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