Stickman Readers' Submissions May 4th, 2010

100 percent on Jayson’s Side

Wow, I never thought that Jason’s well-written submission would evoke so many negative responses. It just shows how immature or close-minded some readers truly are. If I read Jason’s submission to my “Western” husband, there’s
no doubt he would agree with Jason 100% or even more and all the negative replies would be blamed as “Western arrogance”.

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Communication or more as I like to phrase “being understood” IS the most important thing for a woman. And this doesn’t only imply to Thai women, but to women from other countries as well, or else Dr. John Gray’s
book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” wouldn’t be a worldwide best seller, would it? Unfortunately for many Westerners who want to have a normal relationship with Asian or Thai girls, not only is language a barrier,
but the different cultures in which you grew up as well. I won’t go into details with the cultural aspects. For anyone who’s thinking about a serious relationship with a Thai girl, I’d recommend reading “Thailand
Fever” together with his girlfriend first. Although it does not go in depth into every part of the Thai culture, you’d likely be able to avoid most of the big problems with its guidance. Just remember that there are exceptions
for every relationship.

Let’s presume that she speaks English or he speaks Thai, how can language be a problem now? The thing is, middle-class Thais in general, especially girls, suck at expressing themselves verbally, even in Thai. They are taught to
hide true feelings underneath politeness and a smile from a very young age. That’s the reason why intuition plays a very important role in the basic communication in our regular lives. And most Thais, including men, understand it instinctively.
For example, for a simple “yes” or “no” question, if a girl feels that you want her to answer yes, she might answer “yes” or “maybe” instead of a direct no. Now you may ask yourself,
so how the heck will I be able to understand that her “yes” or “maybe” actually is a “no”? It’s not that hard, but it takes training. You have to carefully observe her tone of voice, her reluctance
in saying it and subtle facial expressions. It also helps if you tell her directly from the beginning that you would like a direct answer from her rather than just what she thinks you want to hear. It actually took me nearly 2 years and lots
of frustrations on my husband’s side for me to be more direct with him and for him to better understand my “maybes”. Although right now he’s pretty good at understanding me and my nonverbal language, he still has
to remind me from time to time to be more direct with him. Again, from Jayson’s submission, is this impossible for a Western man to learn? Well, the answer is no, but it takes a lot of patience from both sides and if you’re not
able to speak the same language from the beginning… I think you can pretty well see the picture if your IQ is over 100. As Jayson stated, it’s easier for a Thai girl to just pick a Thai man.

Oh by the way, before we move on from the communication topic, there’s something that’s made me puzzled for a very long time. Why do Westerners, especially those in North America, have to have an opinion for everything,
even though it’s just BS? And those who don’t have an opinion have to be classified as “stupid”? Sometimes everything that needs to be said is said already and there’s no need to say more.

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As Caveman mentioned in his recent submission, I also have to agree that preference is NOT being “Xenophobic, Elitist, Racist or Wrongheaded” as Korski accused in his submission. And there’s nothing wrong with women
who want to date or marry someone who’s able to provide for them. I believe that it’s the same for women everywhere, including the bar scene, if they could choose. Does anyone notice that Korski seems to have plenty of experience
in the bar scene in Asia? It does say a lot about what kind of women he’s accustomed to. Most Thai women, or what Jayson states as “normal Thai women” are NOT in the bar scene. So does his arguments with Jayson really
apply? I seriously doubt it.

In Sanuk Sanan’s submission, gosh, she took it really personally, for that Jayson, you have to agree with me that she should be considered “normal”. I don’t fit into Jayson’s list, am I a deviant? I
guess so, although I don’t mind being one. As I wrote in my first submission, around 2 years ago, I’m from a middle class family and only considered upper class by my profession. As I also married a “Farang”, I
have nothing against Thai/Western couples and plenty of my friends married Westerners as well. But before meeting with my husband when I was studying aboard, was I ever interested in a foreigner? Mainly due to the communication problems that
I already stated above, the answer is “NO”. Have I ever been approach by foreigners? Yes. So what do I do? I usually smile politely and just walk away. It’s not that I can’t speak English, but I feel that foreigners
seem to misinterpret my interested in them. When I was in university, it interested me as to why foreigners are interested in Thailand and why they came here, so sometimes I would strike up a conversation with people whom I met on my flights
back home. Unfortunately, most of the men seemed to think that I was interested in a relationship with them, so not only did I stop talking to them, I tried to avoid them altogether. So why am I together with my husband now? The simple reason
is, since we worked together, I had the chance to get to know him before we started dating. Would I go out with him at first sight? The answer is probably no. Again, my advice here for Western men is, you have to take it slow with Thai girls.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, you have to give them a chance to know you.

In the end, every relationship is different. And although Jayson’s submission is true in general, it is normal to have different opinions. If you want to date a nice girl, regardless of country; quit whining, work for it and be

Stickman's thoughts:

What you say about the need for intuition to help you understand what is really going on when communicating in Thailand is oh so true, and I believe it is CRITICAL in a relationship.

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