Rice & Corn
I've had my share of marriages, divorces, and experiences with Western and Asian women. I was in the dating pool after a divorce at 39-40, in Thailand shortly thereafter, and I have a few opinions about the subject which really shouldn't come as a surprise to your regular readers.
I don't agree in total with either Caveman or Old, Fat, and Bald. Yet, I'm more than familiar with their mindset because it's mostly a universal mindset among expats in SEA. Its a concept, but far from universal in the West. They say cream always rises to the top. What do they call the stuff that settles to the bottom?
Caveman made the assertion that women have a weaker sex drive than men. Recent studies show this isn't true at all. My opinion is a woman's sex drive is directly linked to the man to whom she's seated across from. Many would do well to think about this. Friends, women are JUST as visual as men when it comes to sex, and while with men the visual is usually enough to seal the deal, women often need more. Still, I like his submission so I'm sending him a free box of first class paragraph breaks and a jar of punctuation erasers.
If the studies are correct, and mind you I've always known and experienced what the studies claim, but if the studies are correct and a woman's sex drive is just as strong as a mans, and they're not sleeping with you as often as you'd like, where exactly do you think the problem can be traced? I have my suspicions.
I've shared before that after my last divorce my world was further enhanced by my home burning down along with everything I owned. I was 39, a bit down, but not out. I hadn't dated in over 10 years. I decided to move back near family in Southern California (Santa Monica to be exact) for six months and then head to Thailand for a few years to start my MBA program. While in Santa Monica I rented a small guest house behind a nice home within walking distance of Santa Monica City College. In fact, it was close enough so that residents needed special permits to park so that the college students didn't take up the street parking. Just me and Jimmy. Jimmy was my Aussie. (Australian Sheppard)
I wasn't looking for nor planning on dating. Mostly I just wanted to get to know my family members again after spending the last 20+ years overseas or out of state. Yet, soon I found myself dating western women on a regular basis. By "regular basis" I'm talking about a new one each week. I had a few regulars in the 28-32 year old range, one was a police officer and the other a city attorney, and then I had a steady string of college women I'd meet in the local eateries, grocery stores, and while out walking my Jimmy.
The college girls were different than women I knew 20 years ago. To them sex was now a recreational activity more than it was a promise for a life commitment. They made no secret about what they wanted, or that I was too old for them to consider long term (most of them, but there were a few who said they didn't care). Mostly they wanted a change of pace from the young boys they were used to. My Jimmy was popular with them to, you wouldn't believe how often them stopping to pet the dog turned into a conversation, which turned into a dinner date, which turned into a..
There were a few women my own age to whom I was attracted, and in SoCal this is hardly a surprise. Women in this area make it a career to stay in shape and looking nice. However, each time I asked one of these 35yo+ women out they'd reject me. I experienced the same in Thailand with this age set and I was never sure why. Perhaps they expected me to have more wealth or a more secure job, and maybe they were looking for different attributes in a man this age. Still, it was a bit disconcerting to be rejected by what I saw as 'less' than the college women I was regularly dating.
Perhaps this is the crux of the issues men have with women past 30? Women this age know their "best used by" date is fast approaching if not already expired and they don't want to waste time with someone they can't see a future with whether it be for reasons of health, finance, or life goals.
This isn't to say women this age don't have sex drives. YES THEY DO! The two regulars I kept time with had very high sex drives and loved a good time, yet they revealed to me that if they didn't know I'd soon be moving overseas they probably wouldn't have started seeing me. You see, they really liked the idea of having someone they could bonk with absolutely no commitments, and no fear the guy would linger around their home grounds to tell stories. On one hand I was a bit upset they didn't see me as husband material, but on the other much larger hand I started to appreciate they didn't see me as marriage material. Who would want to marry a guy who'd made it a lifetime habit to move all over the world and had no steady job or steady home?
And sure, there were women as both Caveman and Old, Fat, and Ugly describe. We have them here in Thailand too. Many had several kids who needed supporting and their alimony checks weren't going as far as they'd like. Others had just let themselves go and had bad attitudes because they felt everyone thought they weren't attractive. And more were just plain unpleasant. Yet, I never seemed to have a problem finding a nice, fit, and attractive date when I wanted one.
One thing Caveman was absolutely correct about. It's the mans fault for letting women (or anyone for that matter) act inappropriately. Most men I've observed, once they get the scent in their nostrils and think they might get some, lower whatever standards they have left to better their chance of success. All this, without realizing that women don't like pushovers and/or wimps and they were in fact lowering their chance of success by caving to their demands or catering to their whims. Women like to be told no. It turns them on to be told no. Tell them no, or their behavior is unacceptable, and then ignore them for a month or so. When you finally do acknowledge them they'll be a good little puppy. Poor behavior is unacceptable from men or women, don't behave poorly to others and don't accept it from others.
I say this while shaking my head knowing most men won't listen. They think if they're just 'that much nicer' than the last guy then they'll increase their chances of getting laid. It reminds me of the Japanese in the bars, paying ridiculous money to the girls hoping to "win them" over others. It never works, you just end up with a bar full of girls who are convinced they're worth a lot more than they really are. And worse, the girls in the bar next door are affected by this same market and their prices and demands go up as well.
All because some wimp wasn't man enough to say no.. or enough is enough.. and walk away. In business you've got to be willing to walk away from a deal. If you're desperate or needy the other side will sense it and gouge you all they can. Be willing to walk away. Don't train women to behave poorly. Why do you think all the zoo's and animal parks have the "Don't Feed The Animals" signs all over the place? If you feed them then the animals will behave poorly and not eat the regular food that's good for them. Same same.
Deaf ears born from low self-esteem and even lower levels of confidence. I'd guess most men reading this won't hear a word I said. Let me tell you this, a man who exudes confidence and who won't be messed with can walk through a room full of the most hardened feminists, and their noses will go up as they catch the scent of "MAN" and they'll immediately start lining up to give you their numbers. A weak man can buy them all the nice dinners in the world and he won't even get a peck on the cheek. All he'll earn is their heartfelt disdain and perhaps the dreaded "you're a good friend" reward as they pat you on the head and send you home blue.
Back to western women. There is only one significant difference between women in the west and women in Thailand. Like many other services requiring human labor, women in Thailand are cheaper. Yep, that's it. That's the only significant difference. There are ugly and fat women in both the east and west, there are good cooks in both the east and west, gold diggers, princesses, and for the most part women from the east and west share almost all the same traits. Except one. You get more for your money in Thailand.
What this means to you is that you can afford a younger more pretty wife than you can in the west. It doesn't mean there are more younger and prettier girls in Thailand, both the east and west have the same percentages of the young and pretty female species. All it means is that you can now afford younger and prettier woman in Thailand than you can in the west. It's really that simple and it's absolutely true.
Do you know why I don't drive a BMW in Thailand (other than the fact I don't really like BMW's)? It's because a well equipped 3 series in America goes for about $40,000 USD's. I can afford a new 3 series BMW in America. In Thailand that same new 3 series will cost me close to baht 5m, or well in excess of $100,000 USD's. I can't afford a new 3 series in Thailand, only an old used one. So I drive a new Toyota. I can afford a new Toyota in Thailand, but not a new 3 series. When it comes to women most of you can only afford to date a used Toyota in the west, but you can certainly date and even marry a 3 series in Thailand, sometimes even a new one.
Does this make the 3 series a bad automobile, does it make it bad because you can't afford it? I don't think so. No matter how you look at it the 3 series is a fine piece of engineering. So are the finest western women a fine piece of engineering.. and we'd all like to be able to afford one. Now, there are those who just like Toyota's. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't make the 3 series any less of a fine automobile.
If you doubt my market theory, consider trying to test drive a new 3 series in Japan. Most of you won't even be allowed in the dealership.
I'll leave you with one final thought. Lets say you buy a nice new 3 series in America and then try to import it to Thailand. What happens? Yep, they'll tax the hell out of it and the 3 series will end up costing you several times more than if you just bought one here in Thailand originally. This is protectionism at its finest.
Remember this when trying to import your "Toyota's" to the west.
Until next time..