Stickman Readers' Submissions April 12th, 2010


For a couple weeks after I returned we emailed and talked on the phone. She had bought herself a SIM card and borrowed a friend’s phone, calling me when she had it so I could return the call. I decided to email Stickman for some advice and information
regarding his investigation service. I wanted to be sure what I was getting in to. At first he gave friendly advice regarding my situation and then he disclosed what he could offer in way of an investigation. How it could be done. What could /
couldn’t be found out. It was some time before I decided I wanted to go ahead with an actual investigation.

When I left Thailand Bxxxx had quit the bar. She needed a new job, a ‘respectable’ job. Before I had left she had mentioned working with a friend in a hair salon on soi 5. She decided this was the way to go. She had worked there
2 days before emailing me saying it was “not good place” and she wouldn’t work there anymore. I asked her what she meant. She told me that the girls working there can be barfined and are expected to go with customers. I was
amazed by this, being quite green in the nightlife. I mentioned this to Stick he confirmed some salons do operate like this. From here she worked in a shop along Sukhumvit road selling luggage and souvenirs. She lasted here for about 1 month before
saying the hours were too long and setting up of stock was too physical for her. Over the next 2 months she changed job 3 more times.

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Surreptitious attempts for information to allow Stick to investigate were extremely difficult without questions from her about why I needed to know. Also the language barrier was causing issues. The constant changing of jobs and inability
to get concise details about where these were located was proving suspicious. Stick was doing the best with the lack of information, and lack of contact from me, to try to get the investigation going.

About 3 months in she seemed to be settling into a job. Excellent, the investigation could be started. I hoped completed. An open and shut case. She’s working where she said and is faithful. Stick was unavailable and promised to get
someone else to help. It wasn’t urgent in my mind. I wasn’t sending any money, the fact I had initiated the investigation was because I was unsure of what was going on, what did a few more weeks matter.

It was after this that something strange happened. We were talking on the phone, the conversation became heated, not arguing but close (I had given up smoking and for a few days was short tempered with everyone), suddenly the phone went dead.
I redialled but the phone just rang and rang. For about 36 hours I had no contact from her. This was the longest we had gone without contact. I continued to call and SMS not knowing what was going on. Then I received a text from her phone number
it read: This Sxxxxxx I Bxxxx friend why you fight Bxxxx she hurt because you.

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This was confusing, I hadn’t heard of this friend so believed she was playing games. I tried to contact her but didn’t hear anything. A couple more days went by, during which time I emailed Stickman explaining what had happened,
when she called me she spoke as if nothing had happened. I was confused and angry, I couldn’t seem to get a straight answer from her. Stick offered to help by calling her to assist in getting some answers. She told him she was talking to
me on the phone and had collapsed, her friend (who SMS’d me) took her to the hospital where she was kept in for observation for 2 days before sending her home, signing her off work. We carried on for a few days as if everything was fine.
I needed time to think.

1 lunch-time at work I emailed Stick saying he could consider the investigation complete. I had came to the awareness that I couldn’t be in love someone who I was investigating? This could all have been true but how I was way too cynical
to believe any stories told to me. If there’s no trust what is there? I called Bxxxx and told her it was over. I couldn’t bring myself to trust her. I wasn’t 100% honest with her, I said it was because of the long-distance.
In truth it was because of her ‘previous’ profession and the cynicism you acquire from reading hundreds of ‘bargirl screws over farang’ stories. She called me / SMS’d me daily for about a month, then it slowed
down to every few days. Eventually contact stopped. I genuinely hope she is happy and has met someone who can trust her.

Before all of this had happened I was well aware of the pitfalls of relationships with bargirls. The fact the girls have multiple sponsors and / or local boyfriends, continue to go with customers etc. I was, however, unaware of how emotionally
convincing these girls could be. I had allowed myself to fall in. Everything was started by me convincing myself this was a normal beginning of a relationship. I allowed this to happen. It may sound like I’m contradicting myself. Didn’t
I say I wouldn’t barfine again after that first night? I was full of shame after that first barfine, thinking back, the easiest way to stop feeling ashamed was to create a relationship with this girl. This was the 1st and most important
realisation I made, my guilt had pushed me into this. How could I just use a girl like that? You may think, how is this different from a one-night-stand? You pick someone up then by first light you’ve forgotten them. Once money enters the
equation how can you be sure the choice was really there for both parties? This is what fuelled my feelings and still clouds my view.

Even to this day I worry that she may have been the archetypal ‘good girl in a bad situation’ that White Knight Syndrome is based on.

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Stickman's thoughts:

Ever the cynic, I think there are few good girls who find themselves in a bad situation. Some, yes, but not that many…

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