Stickman Readers' Submissions April 5th, 2010

Asian Women and Western Men

After reading many submissions about Asian women versus Western women, I wonder if the real answer is in the eye of the beholder. As someone who has been involved with both types of women over past 40 years and after living in different parts of Asia
for 15 years, I believe it is far too simplistic to label people (men or women) as Asian or Western and say that this label is the root of all the problems one can experience.

One of the sayings that I think is the most true I have ever heard is “The only constant in life is change”. The world has changed and continues to do so. The role of women in the overall world has changed but has changed more in the western
world in general than in Asia in past 50 years. If one is fixated on having a life with a woman whose values are exactly the same as women had 50 years ago in the west (maybe like their mothers) then they are living in the wrong age. If they think
they can come to Asia and Thailand in particular because they believe that women here have the same ‘old fashioned values” as women in the west had 50 years ago and will not change in the future, then they are fooling themselves.
Some men seem to think that this old fashioned value means the woman puts up with whatever “style or crap” the man dishes out to her as life. I agree that some of these women through circumstance (usually poverty or lack of formal
education) may initially start out with a subservient attitude but this will change over time, just as the man’s own attitudes and thoughts will have changed from when they were younger.

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As one moves around and “sees, hears, tastes and feels” different ideas, thoughts and places, then ones ideas must be affected by these outside influences. This is the same for Asian women as for Western men. If they are exposed to different
ideas by living with a western man in a western type lifestyle in Thailand they will change their thoughts on life in general. If they live in a Farang country, then this change would be doubled in half the time.

In my experience it is a better idea to get to know the real “heart” of a person or woman before making the decision to spend time with her. How does one do this? Everyone would have a different idea or answer to this question. Do women
in Asia have different hearts to women in the West? The answer is no. Some of them may have a different motive for wanting a relationship with a western man than a western women living in her own country may have. The drive to escape poverty or
to provide for family may lead them to decisions that a lot of women in the west do not have the same pressures to do.

However on an individual basis, I have met many women in the west who were terrific people with a good heart and who I would have liked to have tried to see whether a relationship with them would work out for us. Unfortunately most of them were already
married before I learnt about them. Similarly I do know Asian women who I consider have good hearts. Again I must say that most of these are all in a relationship or married already. After many conversations with expat friends who are in all sorts
of degrees of relationships here in Thailand, most of them agree that life would be simpler, easier, etc if you were married to a person of the same culture and a similar background. As hard as I try I just cannot believe in ghosts, dreams, myths,
fantasies as being a ruling or guiding force in my life travels.

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If one comes to Thailand and makes a decision on marrying or a relationship with a woman in very short time, then they are taking the big risk that the small part they know about them is the real person. If this woman comes from the bar scene, there is
the added risk that she knows how to play along to western ideas and thoughts and shows this side of her character to the man. If he jumps in feet first without seeing all of her character then he is taking a big risk.

We all have heard both sides of the story about Asian women: some are great wives and some turn out not to be, just like it is with western women. However I do believe that many more men who come to Thailand looking for a mate, partner or wife, give a
larger value to making a decision based on the feelings of the penile regions and sex life than would happen in the west. As I have gotten older, I do agree that one should “try and test drive” before committing, but that applies
to all parts of the relationship, not just to action between the sheets. If you have not visited with the family and see how the structure operates, get a feel for the type of life and circumstances that shaped her character when growing up and
developing, how can you make an informed judgment? Making that decision from beneath the sheets is a risky proposition.

I do really believe that that old saying in business, “Caveat Emptor” applies to a relationship with a woman as much as a business deal. Whilst in this context of a human relationship it may sound mercenary, I do believe
it rings true for this type of “deal” in life.

None of us, women included, looks to go into a relationship thinking that it is going to be bad and one will get hurt soon. In the west this can mean some real financial hurt, but then you know that before you start. We all can make bad decisions. As
I get older I realize that most of my bad decisions in life were ones I made in a hurry or on the fly. I think it is better to take some time and find out the real facts before one acts. I have gotten wiser as I have gotten older. Some of that
wisdom tells me that I know less as I get older. Some things or facts I had set in stone when I was in my thirties and forties, I now realize were just plain ignorance or ego. Regarding women of any race or creed, I have learnt that they are a
different and difficult creature to understand. It seems to get more difficult to understand them as I get older. I guess that most of this is down to the saying that I began with: The only constant in life is change.

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Stickman's thoughts:

I just want to be with a woman who is easy to be with. No demands and no great expectations. Where she comes from is not really part of it although that is part of her make up and can shape how she is.

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