My First Time In Pattaya

I wake up alone covered in sweat, I'm in my apartment not in some seedy hotel room and there's no beautiful girl curled up next me. I do the things I need to do please those around me go to work, smile laugh, but its just not right, I'm just going through the motions, sleepwalking. I put up a wall hiding my true self, the one that hates his job, hates his life, hates his fake friends and hates this godforsaken middle of nowhere sh*thole town. Hiding the feeling that somethings missing that she's missing and that I wanna be somewhere else.

I am 27 years old, I live in a boring rural New England town, I go to work everyday to a mundane job. This has been my routine for the past ten years. Last November I started to look for ways to escape. I started to look into the possibilities of living and working abroad settled on teaching English in Thailand. First I wanted to go check it out before I cut all ties and left for good, so I planned a month long backpacking trip. Planned is the wrong word I just read a bunch of articles and compiled a list of places I wanted to see in no particular order. I was going alone and the idea of there being plenty of available exotic women around was an added bonus. I've always been an antisocial guy and never had much luck with the ladies, so the idea of acquiring the services of a professional girl was tempting. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Day 1

I arrived in Bangkok, explored for a few days but it wasn't doin it for me. Someone on a forum recommending Pattaya as a cheap alternative to Phuket. I headed for Pattaya, I had no idea that I was going to the mongering capital of the world. This is were I first experienced the night life of Thailand. Were once I would walk into a bar only to be ignored by a bunch of snobby western girls who weren't even that hot, I was now being pulled into bars by so many beautiful women. I didn't even have to try I could just walk down the street and they'd just surround me and forcefully pull me into a bar. I had never seen such a dense concentration of beautiful girls, and they all wanted me.

Day ???

I loved talking to them there sexy broken English, there dark skin, there long dark hair I couldn't get enough.

Walk past a couple bars, blush as they call out to you, find one you like and take a seat. Have a drink. The conversation starts the one I Loved so much.

"what's your name"

"were you come from"

"you on holiday"

and within the hour your in some dark seedy hotel room with a beautiful exotic girl that would never even look at you back home.

I preferred these conversations to the ones back home, usually I'd never get past the introductions without choking, stuttering and then running away.

Don't get me wrong I'm alright in the age and looks department, I just can't talk to girls.

Day ???

Ever think about fate, about chaos. That our lives are just one huge sequence of random events that just happen to work out a certain way. That we are all tiny little solitary specs, every action, every choice we make sets off webs of possibilities, like ripples in a pond. That you could have just as easily not went to the grocery store that day and went to that aisle and met the person that became the love of your life, that you could have just as easily met someone else. What if I never saw her, what if I kept walkin, then I would never know her, would I be better off?

I was takin an afternoon stroll down second road, ignoring the many advances from the bargirls. Not really lookin for anything, then I saw her. Just sitting there, quiet, she was like the others she didn't obnoxiously call out to every guy that walked by, she seemed indifferent to everything and she was beautiful. I walked by her and she didn't even notice me. I stopped and pretended to check the time on my watch, when in reality I was thinking about going back to her. I had no idea that the choices I'd make in that moment would change my life forever, that I would never be the same again.

A couple hours later we were back in my hotel. The sex wasn't even that great, but there was something about her. She was so frail, so sweet we never said a word to each other she couldn't speak any English, that made her even more attractive. Her name was Lek.

I broke the cardinal rule and barfined her for another two days. That's when I had my first girlfriend experience, those Thai girls really no how to make you feel special. I don't think I had realised it then but I was already in love, I was hooked. I remember the look on her face the, how she squealed when I bought her a stuffed animal, it made me so hot for her. That's when I realised she was 22 but she had the maturity of a 14 year old, she probably never had a real job, was uneducated, and has none of the worries and responsibilities that we adults have.

She left and we made no arrangements to see each other again. The truth is part of me didn't want too, part of me just wanted to cut my losses. That night I found myself walking into her bar, but she wasn't there. As I was walking away I thought good, take advantage of the situation, remember the mission forget her.

I walked for hours, it always takes me a long time to find a girl for the night. The truth is I wouldn't take 95 percent of the woman I saw in Thailand, most of them are obnoxious and to forward. It was startin to get late by the time I walked into my first gogo bar, this was different than the regular bars, less subtle and straight to the point. These girls were beautiful, I would gladly take any of these ladies. It was a slow night and there were only two other people in the bar. I sat there drinking for a half hour trying to decide which one, I'm very indecisive. I finally settled on one and watched her as she was talkin to another customer. The customer left alone and she started dancing. I negotiated with her and she wanted a very high price for long time. I took her to a seafood restaurant a and had some crocodile steak. I have to say that with this girl I had the best sex I've ever had in my life, with the most beautiful girl that I've ever been with, one that I could never get back home. I remember laying there in the afterglow, staring at the ceiling fan spinning in the darkness.

she's probably never had a guy do her like that. she's probably so used to the fat, clumsy old men…. you rocked her world

get a grip, she was probably thinking about her Thai boyfriend, she was probably fallin asleep, she probably thinks your disgusting

At about four in the morning she made an excuse to leave

Day ???

At this point as was at a turning point with Lek, I was obsessed with her but if I never saw her again I could get over it, my attempt to erase the memory of her by being with the gogo didn't work. I went with my instincts and headed down to Koh Samui. Another beautiful girl another night of drunken debauchery.

Day17

I was getting worn out physically and emotionally so I decided to head to Kao Sahn road and cool off. I've never turned down so many transvestites in my life. I'm startin to get good at spottin them from a distance.

Day ???

This hotels nice, the weathers so nice here, nice and warm everyday I wonder how cold it is back home, home I don't wanna go back home pretty soon I'm gonna run out of money and I'm gonna have to, I look at the pattern on the ceiling if you look over there you can see a titty, tittys I love titty I've haven't sucked on so many since I was a baby, who came up with the name titty anyway, my cell phone broke I should take care of that, to hell with it what do I need a phone for, who's that guy I keep seein on the 1000 baht note, I saw him on TV is that the prime minister, minister why do they call him the prime minister he's not a priest, that's the king you idiot, that gogo was so hot she had such a nice ass, I like ta…….

"I Love you"

whoa whoa what the f*** slow the f*** down did I just here what I thought I just…

"I love you"

a week ago you couldn't speak a word of English, I don't know if I believe you

"uhh I love you too"

I lying in bed, another hotel room, a really nice one this time one I would never stay in alone but I wanted to impress Lek. I don't know how I ended up here, I remember stepping off the bus. I remember walking checking out the merchandise not really going in any direction and there she was, sittin in that chair.

she hasn't seen you yet, retreat, turn the f*** around, too late

Day ???

I'm holding Lek's hand and were walkin on the beach, we had a lot of fun today I made her laugh, I kept going to nice restaurants and she wasn't eating, so I told her to show me were she wants to eat, she took me to one of those Thai joints, with the food cart and the metal chairs and table outside. She watched and laughed as I investigated the food and laughed as I ate everything the wrong way. Were havin fun teaching each other languages, we're playin with a crab that we found. I'm startin to fit her into my plans for the future, thinking about lookin her up when I come back….

get a f***in grip man

wake up focus on the task at hand

the task at hand?

shooting loads

shooting loads?

yeah shooting loads in every direction, every orifice, as many as you possibly can with as many different targets as you can

you went native, you got involved, you don't know which side you're on

but I really like her there something about her

traitor

Day ???

I decided I needed a break from Lek, and my instincts were tellin me to find another girl, so I headed on down to walking street and stepped into a gogo bar. I tried to talk with a girl for a little bit I bought her a drink but within minutes I had waitress standin over me asking if I wanted to take her so I did, those damn gogos always in a rush, I had a sh***y time with her and didn't even finish the job, she was in such a rush and doing a bad job pretending to like me so I told her to hit the road. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about Lek. I was drunk all I wanted was to be next to her so I went to her bar. She seemed to know what I did and was mad but she still went with me. We didn't even do anything we just slept till the next day.

Day???

I've been here almost three weeks and I'm startin to get burnt out.

"taxi sir"

smile and shake your head

"massage sir"

"how are you, were you from you wanna buy a suit"

"taxi sir"

"would you like a watch"

no I don't want a watch I want clothes clean clothes, I have to buy some clothes because it takes 24 hours to wash a load of clothes 24 hours!

"hello welcome sexy man"

"taxi sir"

Day 23

Were sittin there in my hotel and I know its time to say good bye. I know I'm not gonna be back in Thailand for another 6 months, and I don't know were she's gonna be. I wanna tell he that I'm comin back for her, that were gonna be together, that I'm gonna take care of her and she can leave the bar, but I say nothing because I don't even know what I'm gonna do or what I can do. When I was with her she knew I wasn't rich I wanted her to know that I wasn't, but I don't think she understands that I worked and saved all year just to have this money spend in Thailand, and that I'm going back home flat broke, and that I'm coming back to Thailand, with a couple thousand US dollars, to work as an English teacher and we would have to live off of 40,000 baht a month. I hold back tears as she cries, she cries about how she hates her job and how she's ashamed. I don't know if she really cryin or if this is just a last ditch effort to get money out of me, so I just hold her and say nothing.

All I told her was that I would call her and that I was coming back in 6 months. I still don't know if what was between us was real for her I know it was real for me. I returned home a broken man, not because of her but because of Thailand, life's just not the same as it was before.

Well the balls in my court, I'm going back either way but I don't know if I'm gonna look her up. I really like her, but its a matter of trust, knowing what I know about bargirls there's a 95 percent chance that she's gonna burn me or that she'll laugh at me when I tell her how much money I make, and ask her to quit her job and move in with me.

I didn't know about this site before I went and if I did I would have ran the other way as soon as she said "I love you". I probably would have stayed away from the bars altogether. After that experience I've had enough of the nightlife, when I go back I going to enjoy the beauty of the landscape, the culture, the people and see and do all the things I didn't do last time.

I know I shouldn't call her, that voice inside my head keeps tellin me that I'm better off alone.

should I call her?

to be continued……..