Inner Space Thailand: Part 2 – The Island

We travelled across to Phi Phi on the King Cruiser, once again, with the plan being to book into one of the cheap bungalows, organize the rental of a long tail, and a few diving cylinders, and then spend the rest of the day chilling on the beach. Phi
Phi was still fairly undeveloped back then – we’re talking at least ten years pre-Tsunami – and the general atmosphere of the place was slow paced due to the fact that there were no four wheeled vehicles. By and large it was still
backpacker central with lots of thatched roof bungalows, narrow little lanes and cool, alternative type eateries and restaurants. Compared to Phuket, the scene was quite different. The Phi Phi landscape was the domain of the young Euro traveler
enjoying a scuba and partying lifestyle on the idyllic tropical island. The beer bars and working girls of Patong were nowhere to be seen. Instead of short, small breasted, brown skinned, dark haired Thai femmes, it was all about tall, tanned,
blonde, large breasted Euro babes.

The view from the lookout. Phi Phi Don, 1994

We booked into a Bungalow complex, Pete had been at on a previous trip, and then went down to Gino’s for a Pizza and a cold Heineken. Gino’s restaurant served up good, inexpensive Thai and Italian. The owner, Gino, was so laid back that
he rarely spoke; he just smiled and nodded his head when you said something. Pete made the observation that, as it was Phi Phi, Gino could have been completely zonked on good mull all the time. I just thought he was happy with his lot in life.

After another couple of Heinekens we took our leave from Gino, and his hungry little dog, and made our way down to Moskito Diving to organize the boat and cylinders for the following day. Moskito’s prices were a bit more expensive than most of
the other dive operations on the island but they were, as far as we were concerned, the most professionally run and organized shop and, as such, there was never any problems with logistics and equipment once you’d parted with your cash.

Deal done, we wandered down to the beach for a couple of sundowners at one of the open air bars that overlooked Tonsai bay. The sun was dropping towards the horizon as we sat there with a couple of cold Heinekens, taking in the post card view of the islands
to the south, and going over our plans for the next day. As dusk turned to early evening the bar started to fill as the backpacker/Euro set, back from their day of underwater adventures, began looking for somewhere to start their night's
entertainment. Pete and I were probably a few years older than the crowd that was gathering in the bar and our heads were sporting the number twos we’d recently had done. No doubt, we weren’t exactly the types that your average twenty
year old female Euro backpacker would be attracted to. We were both wearing the standard monger’s attire; tank tops, nylon shorts and flip flops but, due to the fact that we lacked the beer gut of your average Patong bar fly, our M.O. would
be a lot harder to pick.

The beach at Tonsai Bay, 1994.

I was wearing a faded, worn tank top that I’d picked up on a wreck diving trip to Truk Lagoon back in ’89. It was a bit of an ego trip I suppose but it did create a bit of interest, within the circles of scuba diving, and it usually wouldn’t
take long for some would be wreck diver to try and engage me in a discussion about that fabled Mecca for wreck enthusiasts. On this particular evening it was a couple of Norwegian gals, who’d been sitting nearby us for an hour or so, whilst
nursing a single a beer each. They probably thought that we might be good for a drink, or two, as we’d been parting with a fair bit of the folding stuff as we moved from beers to Jack and Cokes. We tried our best not to be cynical, when
they approached, but it was hard to imagine what a couple of twenty year old Euro babes would see in a couple of guys who were ten to fifteen years older.

“I saw your vest, have you been there?” said blonde with big tits number one.

“No, I just wear it to catch the attention of Euro ladies with big tits” I said.

“What?” said blonde with big tits number two looking slightly shocked.

“Would you like a beer?” I said noticing the near empty Carlsberg bottles in their hands.

“Oh yes thank you” they both responded in unison, my sarcasm being quickly forgotten.

“Where are you ladies from?” said Pete

“Oh, we are from Norway and we are backpacking around Thailand. We’ve stopped here in Phi Phi for a while to do some diving courses” said blonde with big tits number two.

“Well, if you are divers you must have heard of the diver’s motto” said Pete with a sly grin.

“What is that?” said blonde with big tits number one with a questioning look.

“No sea too rough, no muff too tough” we both said in unison as we downed our drinks and the slammed the glasses on the table.

Blonde with big tits number one saw the humour in it and laughed while blonde with big tits number two, the snootier one, looked rather put out.

“That is not very nice” she said looking peeved.

“Why? Do you have a tough muff?” said Pete starting to warm to the challenge.

“I think you two are a couple of perverts” she said.

“No, we’re much worse than that” I said laughing.

“Oh, and what is that?” said blonde with big tits number one.

“We’re scuba-mongers” said Pete with that sly grin again.

“Scuba-mongers, what is that?” said blonde with big tits number two looking a little uncertain.

“To find out you’ll need to have sex with us tonight” I said staring at blonde with big tits number one.

“I don’t know about that, we hardly know you?” she replied unenthusiastically.

“Yes, where are you guys from? Do you stay on Phi Phi?” said blonde with big tits number two looking rather serious again.

“No we came over from Phuket today” I said.

“Are you working in Phuket?” said blonde with big tits number one

“I was but I’m taking some time off so we can do some cave diving around Phi Phi”

“Cave diving. That sounds like fun, can we come with you?”

“In a word, no” I said with finality.

“Why not, we’ve just completed our advanced open water certificates” said blonde with big tits number two developing some attitude.

“Well that’s just the problem, isn’t it” I said looking her in the eye.

“Why?”

“Diving in caves isn’t open water. And besides, I don’t do baby-sitting”

“Oh, you think you are so much better than us. Is that it?” said blonde with big tits number two with some more attitude.

“Look, we didn’t invite you to join us. Apart from the beers, is there anything else you want from us?” said Pete starting to get agro.

“No, you are too old and I’m sure that you have a Thai girlfriend” said blonde with big tits number two as she stood up from her seat.

“Girlfriends” I said baiting her.

“Oh, so you have more than one?”

“Of course, variety is the spice of life” I said baiting her again.

“I told you they were perverts” she said as blonde with big tits number one stood up as well.

“I think we should go” said blonde with big tits number one as she turned her bitch of a friend towards the bar’s exit.

“I think we might have fucked that one up” said Pete wryly.

“Who knows mate. The truth is they probably thought they could milk us for a few drinks before heading off to a late night venue to hook up with some guys closer to their own age. The bottom line is that they’re not too much different from
the way a Thai bargirl operates in that regard”

“How’s that?” said Pete.

“Wanting the older guys to pay for everything but getting the younger guys to hump them”

“Fucking whores” said Pete starting to calm down.

“They’re worse than that” I said trying to get the attention of the waiter.

“Is there something worse?”

“Yeah mate. They’re fucking cheap whores” I said as another round landed on our table.

We both laughed.

The truth is I didn’t have much time for the young Euro backpacker set. Most of them were, to put it bluntly, bloody naïve wankers. In Thailand, for their gap year, to find themselves by juxtaposing their western, save the world ideology against
the narrow understanding of the cultures of South East Asia. Gathering in the cafés and bars of Khao Sarn road to endlessly discuss globalization, the green house effect and the evils of capitalism while zonked on Thai mull and planning their
next cheap bus ride to Cambodia. Wai-ing Thais they shouldn’t, and practicing their newly acquired, but limited, Thai language skills with any motor bike taxi boy who had the patience to put up with their naivety. Always looking for the
cheapest deal, they spend endless hours haggling with the locals for a 100 baht discount while thinking they’re developing some kind of enlightened cultural report with the street vendor that keeps saying “falang Kee Nok”.
The ‘rice fields are so picturesque at sunset’ crowd who think the locals are a delightful curiosity during their odyssey of halcyon dreaming. Filling their diaries with accounts of picturesque dirt roads in forgotten little provinces
tracing rivers through rice fields and the Arcadian farmers smiling on the backs of water buffalo; the esoteric knowledge that they are able to gain in pigeon Thai with old men at tiny food shops; the vibrance and sincerity of the people; the
quaint old world appearance of the tin roof shanty towns, and it goes on and on ad nauseam. They fill pages with stereotypical images and myths of the exotic orient and its enchanting people.

“Which one do you think might have been the better shag?” said Pete interrupting my thoughts.

“Probably the bitch” I said disinterestedly.

“How do you figure that?”

“The emotionally uptight ones usually are. They’ll fuck fast and furiously until they orgasm. It’s like a dam bursting. All those pent up emotions come pouring out in one big release. To be honest though mate I don’t really
care. I’m not interested in playing the stupid mind games that western birds indulge in when a bout of horizontal folk dancing is on offer. There are too many bloody hoops to jump through for my liking. I prefer the idea of the KISS principle
that we’ve got here Thailand”

“You mean keep it simple stupid”

“Yeah, it’s much easier to go to a bar, find a working girl you like the look of, take her back to your room, do the business and pay her off in the morning” I said as a matter of fact.

“I’ll drink to that” said Pete as we took slug of Jack and Coke.

“I wonder if there are any Thai birds over here that are on the game?” said Pete.

“Possibly but keep in mind that the island is predominantly Muslim and they’re less tolerant of that type of activity”

“Yeah, I suppose so. Are you up for another one?” said Pete

“Actually mate, I was thinking of slowly wandering back along the lane that leads to our bungalow and checking out that reggae joint on the way. We could drop by there and have a couple for the road”

“Sounds like a plan” said Pete.

We finished our drinks, paid our bin and moved off in the direction of the bar I’d suggested going to. The crowds were thick around the intersections of the small laneways; all checking out the various restaurants and dive shops.
A few minutes later we were standing in front of a brick and plaster structure that looked as though someone had painted using the ‘stand five meters back and throw paint bucket contents’ method. It was a riot of rainbow colours
with pink being predominant. The shuttered windows were open with the sounds of Bob Marley emanating from within. I looked through one and saw a few people sitting about on floor mats with large cushions and burning candles spread amongst them.

“What do you reckon mate?” said Pete

“Not really my scene mate but it might be good for a laugh. There’s a table next to the wall, on the right, that’s free. We can grab that, quietly soak the odd Jack or three, and see what turns up” I said deliberately.

“Hey Mike, what brings you to Phi Phi?”

I spun around to see a Steve, a former dive master student of mine from Patong, smiling at me.

“Well, bloody hell, it’s the POM. How’s things mate?” I said offering my hand.

“Not too bad, yourself?”

“I can’t complain. This is Pete, a mate of mine from Perth” I said motioning to my right.

“Good to meet you” said Steve as they shook hands.

“Are you guys going in then?” asked Steve.

“We were just checking things out” said Pete.

“It’s actually not too bad. It’s a bit early yet but most of the party animals, on the island, usually end up here by midnight. Are you up for a couple of rounds?”

“Yeah, why not?” I said as we moved towards the doorway.

We grabbed the table we’d spotted earlier and ordered a round of drinks.

“It’s been a couple months then Mike” said Steve as our drinks arrived.

“It has mate. Cheers?” I said as we raised our glasses.

“How’s Teeth and bloody Elbows mate? Still up to his old ways?” said Steve.

“Still the same I’m afraid. I don’t work there anymore” I said.

“Probably the best thing mate. So then, what brings you to Phi Phi?”

“I just wanted a break from Phuket for a few days. Pete’s in town for a while so we decided to come over here and dive some of the caves that we located on a previous visit. We’re also in a bit of a partying mode”

“Cave diving you say. That’s sounds like something a bit more exciting than a normal open water dive. I know the location of one cave over on Phi Phi Le. It’s just to the right of the entrance to Maya Bay and only in about eight meters
of water. It’s got a wide entrance and there’s a shit load of lobsters living in the limestone crevices on the floor” said Steve enthusiastically.

“There won’t be after tomorrow” I said

“What do you mean” said Steve

“Lobsters and cold beers at Gino’s tomorrow night it is then” said Pete as we raised our glasses.

“Oh, I see. Any chance of me joining you?” said Steve

“I can’t see why not. And besides, seeing as you know where this cave’s located, we won’t have to waste too much time trying to find the entrance when we jump in” I said decisively.

“Thanks mate. Here’s to lobsters and cold beers then” said Steve as we raised our glasses again.

“Check it out” said Pete nodding towards the entrance.

“Blonde with big tits one and two” I said as the Norwegian girls came through the door.

“Oh, so you guys know them” said Steve.

“Not really. We just bought them a beer and exchanged a few insults down on the beach about an hour ago. Why, are they worth knowing” I said neutrally.

“To be honest mate, I don’t really know. I’ve only arrived here a few days ago myself but the word on the street is that they’re a right pair of prick teasers that are always trying to milk guys for drinks while never offering
up the bearded clam” said Steve.

“They might be lessos then” said Pete.

“Or considering entering a convent when they get home” I said looking at them take a table on the wall opposite to us.

“Maybe they’re just looking for Mr. Right” said Steve.

“Yeah, whatever; I lost interest in white pussy a while ago” I said.

“Crossed the yellow line then have we?” said Pete.

“A few years go back in Sydney to be precise. Had a twenty one year old Korean uni student that was an eleven” I said reflectively.

“What’s an eleven?” said Steve.

“A ten that swallows” I said with a smile.

“It looks like they’ve spotted us mate. The bitchy one is giving us daggers” said Pete.

I looked across the bar to see both of them staring at us. I smiled and raised my glass. Looking non-plussed, they both turned their heads away. I laughed

“I’ve got no doubt that what they really want is a bloody good shagging” I said

“A spit roast might be in order then” said Pete

“I’d imagine that a Norwegian spit roast might be quite tasty” I said as we raised our glasses again.

The bar started filling up with more of the young Euro set and the mood got livelier. Eventually the bar got so crowded that we couldn’t see more than three feet from our table. I got up and went for a pee and, as I was elbowing my way back to
the table, I ran smack into the big tits of number two.

“Oh, that would be right, you pervert. Have you found yourself a Thai prostitute for tonight?” she said with a nasty edge to her voice.

“Why; do you feel threatened by that?” I said enjoying the challenge.

Big tits number one appeared at her side. “You know, you guys were quite rude before at the beach”

“Maybe so but you ladies weren’t exactly innocent of an ulterior motive when you approached us, were you?” I said looking at both of them squarely eye to eye.

“Why do you say that?” said big tits number two.

“Because there are lots of guys around here that are your own age group. My guess is that you probably thought that you could use your ample charms to milk us for some free drinks” I said.

“Well, that’s partly the case but the truth is that we are quite bored with these young guys” said blonde with big tits number one.

“Bored, why? I said a little puzzled.

“Because all they want to do is have sex with us?” said blonde with big tits number two.

“Welcome to the real world. What makes you think that we aren’t exactly the same?” I said already starting to feel bored with the pair of them.

“Well, we just thought that because you’re a bit older you might have some interesting experiences to talk about?” said blonde with big tits number one.

“Actually, the only difference between us and them is that we get to the point a lot faster than they do, that’s all?”

“What do you mean by that?” said blonde with big tits number two.

“It means that we’ll cut through the bullshit and tell you to your faces exactly what we want” I said bluntly.

“Which is what?” said blonde with big tits number one.

“If you expect us to pay for your drinks then we expect to take you back to our bungalow and fuck you. Now, if there’s nothing else enlightening you’d like to hear, I’m going back to join my mates”

I pushed back through the crowd leaving them standing there looking like stunned mullets.

“You must have filled the bowl” said Pete.

“I just had an enlightening conversation with the Norwegian girls” I said.

“Anything worth hearing” said Steve.

“Not really, I just read them the rules of engagement” I said as a matter of fact.

“Which is?” said Steve.

Pete and I looked at each other intuitively.

“Put up or shut up” we chorused.

“Well, that’s certainly telling them” said Steve.

“The bottom line is that they’re not in PC controlled Europe anymore. They’re in a place which is still a bastion of male chauvinism, so fuck their stupid little mind games and feminist crap that they get away with back in the western
world. Over here we can tell them what we think of their bullshit and they can’t do a thing about it. A lot of these alternative lifestyle feminist types, which come over here, know fuck all about the social structure of Thailand. They
walk around with preconceived notions of how things are but never really take the time to scratch below the surface and see what’s really going on. In their blinkered little world all Thai girls that are hawking the fork, to earn a living,
have been entrapped, or sold, into the sex trade. That, as we know, is complete bloody bollocks. You’ve got to ask yourself why a single white bird would want to stay in Thailand because, the reality is, there’s fuck all here for
them. Most of them, if they’re not lesbians, end up as NGO types telling anyone, that will listen to their misinformed invective, that most single white males, that arrive in this country, are perverts, sex deviates, pedophiles, or losers,
that couldn’t make it in their countries of origin. The fact is that they miss the point completely” I said emphatically.

“That’s quite a speech mate, what is the point” said Steve.

“The point is mate that we’re over here because we want to feel like men again not something that’s a representation of what a white female thinks we should be. We’re here because we’ve had enough of the PC feminist
bullshit of the western world. What they don’t seem to understand anymore, but the average Thai bird still does, is that all they’ve got to do is give us a blow job, every now and again, put a decent meal on the table and they’ll
get just about everything they want. You’ve got to hand it to those Thai birds, in that regard, because they know how to put on the feminine charms. They’ve got no issues with doing the house work and taking care of a man. When was
the last time a western bird washed you from head to toe, clipped your nails, gave you a blow job and then massaged you as you fell asleep?”

“In a word, never” said Pete.

“Exactly. They’re too bloody worried about being subjugated by men; of losing the position of control and dominance they’ve strived so hard to achieve over the last twenty years. They’ve not just become our equals; they’ve
become blokes with tits”

“Blokes with tits, that’s a fairly apt description when you compare them to a Thai bird” said Steve.

“One of the funniest things I ever saw, between western couples, was down in Singapore two years ago” I said shaking my head.

“What happened?” said Pete after finishing off another Jack and Coke.

“I was there for a couple days after finishing my first overseas offshore contract. It was about mid afternoon and I was walking down Orchard Road when I saw a couple of icons of Australian sport walking towards me. It was just after the completion
of the Barcelona Olympics and there, struggling under the weight of at least twenty kilograms of shopping bags, was none other than one of Australia’s sporting legends, Grant Kenny, while his missus, Lisa Curry, was striding out five meters
ahead of him. We’re talking about a guy who represented the epitome of Aussie manhood; a blonde, bronzed, muscled legend of Australian surf life saving. That pretty much summed it up for me really”

“What?” said Steve.

“The fact that he was loaded down with shopping wasn’t the issue. I mean Grant was in the peak of condition having recently competed in the Olympics. It was just the complete lack of respect from his cunt missus that did it for me. You’d
never see that from a Thai bird, they’d walk at your side and help you with a couple of the bags at least”

“Mate if it was anything for them, in those bags, they’d be holding onto them for grim death” said Pete.

“No doubt about that” I said.

“Are you two up for another one?” said Steve.

“One more but I think I might call it a night after that. We’re not departing for the dives until ten am but we’ve still got a few things to sort out in the morning so we need to get an early start. Where can we meet up with you mate?”
I said to Steve.

“I’ll see you at Moskito when you pick up the cylinders”

“No worries, we’ll see you at nine thirty” I said as the next round arrived.

“Here’s to a good day's diving then” said Pete.

“Cheers” we said as we raised our glasses again.

“What happened to that cute babe with the big norks that you were spending a bit of time with?” said Steve.

“You mean Bee?” I said.

“Yeah, Bee”

“She started the usual bullshit, they all try on at some stage, and so I terminated the arrangement” I said.

“What happened?”

“I went back to Perth, at the beginning of this low season, for a couple of months to take care of a few things. About three weeks after getting back I received a letter from her, with a brochure, about a town house she’d been looking at
in Pattaya. She wrote some lame BS about me not getting any younger and how it would be good for my future if I sent her eight hundred thousand baht so she could purchase one for me and her to live in”

“No shit, what did you do?” said Steve.

“Crumpled it up, threw it in the bin and never contacted her again” I said shaking my head.

“Was that the end of it?” said Steve.

“What do you think?” said Pete.

“No. They’re bloody tenacious these little birds when they’ve got the scent of a better future in their nostrils. What happened when you arrived back in Phuket?”

“Like I said I didn’t contact her again so she had no way of knowing when, or if, I’d be back. The problem is you should never underestimate the power of those Thai jungle drums”

“Thai jungle drums. How do they work?” said Steve looking a bit confused.

“It’s a figurative term for the network of friends and acquaintances they have, and you’re largely unaware of, who can report on your movements” said Pete.

“I made the mistake of moving back into Baan Kanchana, up on Nanai Road, and one of Bee’s old work mates told her I’d arrived back. I think I’d been there not even two days when one of the staff came running to my room to tell
me that there was a call waiting for me at the office. I picked up the phone to find Bee on the other end telling me she was getting on a bus, that afternoon, to come down to Phuket to see me. I did my best to dissuade her but she wouldn’t
take no for an answer and said she’d see me at my room the next morning”

“Shit, how did you deal with that situation?” said Steve looking truly intrigued.

“I dealt with it the Thai way” I said authoratively.

“How was that?”

“I used the old ‘loss of face’ scenario to make the problem go away”

“Loss of face; how does that go?”

“Simple. It cost me a little bit of money but it was worth it in the long run” I said.

“And?” said Steve.

“That night, I went to the Banana Disco and picked up the two of the hottest looking freelancers in there. I bought them a few drinks and then explained what I wanted”

“Which was?”

“I’d paid them a bit more than the going rate to stay in my room until noon of the following day. I got up early and went out on a dive trip; Bee fronted up at around ten am. According to the girls, when they opened the door, she just turned
around and left without saying a word. I haven’t seen or heard from her since”

“That’d do it” said Pete.

“It would if they’re not psychos” I said giving Pete a bit of stick.

“It’s okay. I’ll just go and stay in Karon when I get back” he said not looking too concerned.

“Don’t worry about it mate. I know a couple of boys in brown that can drag her down to the police station for a friendly chat. No need to move out of Patong because of some drug crazed go-go bitch. What about you mate, have you managed to
avoid getting ensnared in the wily charms of one of these delightful Isaan ladies?” I said turning to Steve.

“So far I’ve played things very cautiously. I went to Samui, after completing the course with you, and then spent a couple of weeks in Bangers before coming down here. There’s been plenty of partying and lots of local lovelies but
I managed to keep the GFE’s down to a two day maximum. I’ve got too many things in my life that I like doing and a relationship with a Thai working girl is a zero option for me” said Steve deliberately.

“So you’re saying that you’re not on a permanent ejaculation mission while you’re in Thailand then” I said.

“No mate, I’ve got better things to do with my time” said Steve.

“Good for you mate because there’s plenty out there whose lives revolve completely around being in a horizontal position with a Thai working girl” I said.

“Seems like a rather pointless existence if you ask me” Said Steve.

“What?” said Pete.

“The fixation on ejaculating into Thai working girls that so many guys, coming here, seem to have. It makes you wonder if, apart from that rather limited mindset, they’ve actually got anything else going on in their lives. Think about it;
if we all lived with that, as our life’s focus, then you could surmise that a lot of the world’s significant achievements – inventions, exploration, scientific breakthroughs, and sporting – may never have occurred.
It would be difficult to imagine people such as Amundsen, Shackleton and Hillary saying “sorry but I’m going to have to postpone the venture as I’d like to spend the next few years of my life ejaculating into Thai working
girls. Fucking pathetic really” said Steve shaking his head.

“At the end of the day mate it’s all about the top two percent” I said pointing to my head.

“The top two percent?” said Steve looking at me questioningly.

“What a man thinks, he is. If all you’ve got rolling around inside the grey matter is the fixation about ejaculating into Thai working girls, then that’s basically what you are” I said

“Come on fellas, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of horizontal folk dancing with some Thai slappers” said Pete.

“I couldn’t agree with you more mate. It's great fun but you need to keep it in perspective and not let it become your life’s focus. When I was in bangers I saw some fuckin’ sad sacks of shit, in some of those beer bars
around Nana Plaza, whose entire world seems to revolve around the genitalia of worn out bar girls. There’s got to be more to life than that, surely” said Steve.

“There’s plenty here who would disagree with you on that mate. For many, the permanent ejaculation mission is the only reason to be in Thailand. I’ve always figured that this whole thing about ejaculating into Thai hookers is quite
over rated. I don’t know about you but I know that once I’ve blown my load I lose interest fairly quickly. I’m looking to do something better with my time and usually can’t wait to get rid of them. I just think that
there’s a hell of a lot more to life than worrying about which bar girl you’re going to ejaculate into next. I guess my approach to it comes from growing up in an age when a girlfriend was a bit like an accoutrement, or trophy. You
just had them there while you played rugby, went surfing, diving, and got on the piss with your mates. You could always get a shag when you needed to. It wasn’t like it was a big deal though. You just did the business and got on with playing
rugby, going surfing, diving, and drinking piss with your mates” I said.

“You’re living in the wrong era mate. That’s a way of thinking straight out of nineteen fifties Australia” said Steve.

“Early seventies New Zealand mate; I moved across the ditch when I was nineteen” I said reflectively.

“Bloody sheep shaggers” said Pete giving me some stick.

“Reformed sheep shagger thank you very much, my well balanced West Aussie mate” I said giving it back to him.

“Why are West Aussies well balanced?” said Steve looking a little confused.

“They’ve got a big chip on each shoulder” I said with a chuckle.

“The west is the best mate. You know it’s the best part of the country” said Pete puffing his chest out with West Aussie pride.

“I know mate but I can’t help but laugh every time I hear a West Aussie talk about the evil Eastern Staters siphoning of the wealth of the west” I said.

“Bloody true. If it wasn’t for the mines and oilfields, of the west, those buggers would go down the gurgler” said Pete with an air of seriousness.

“Probably right mate. Here’s to the west then” I said as they raised their glasses with me and we finished off the round.

“Are you guys sure you won’t join me for another one?” said Steve looking at our empty glasses.

“No mate, I think I’ve had enough” I said looking at my watch.

“I think I’ll call it a night as well. We’ve got a fair bit going on tomorrow. Another pizza, at Gino’s, and a decent night’s sleep would be in order” said Pete.

“I think I’ll stick around for a couple more. See you down at Moskito at nine thirty” said Steve.

“No worries mate, we’ll see you there” said Pete.