Readers' Submissions

Gadzooks Hits the Trail Again

  • Written by Gadzooks
  • March 22nd, 2010
  • 5 min read


When I posted my first submission some time ago I called it “No Longer a Monger”. It was a slightly wistful review of the period between my first and second marriages, during which a moralist might say that I “went off the rails”, as one does. I did a fair bit of horizontalising both amateur and professional, in the Kingdom and in most parts of East Asia. I assumed, having found (in China) what I thought was a promising candidate for a second marriage, that I had put those days behind me.

Well, it all went pear-shaped. Trouble had been coming at me for several months, taking the usual forms. I was wondering how much more of this I can take, and I soon found out. In mid-December the good lady finally received her permanent UK residence permit. In an unusual departure from the recent cold-shoulder policy, she thanked me warmly for my help in obtaining this for her. I didn’t realise that it was actually a death sentence for our marriage.

It was only a week later that she provoked a massive row, in the course of which I smashed one of her oriental vases, which I shouldn’t of course have done but which was preferable to belting her one. She then tried to smash a dinner-plate over my head, which I fended off with my forearm, leading to a claim on her part that I’d hit her in the mouth with a backhander, and then went for me tooth and nail, which resulted in me holding her wrists tightly for about ten minutes to prevent her killing me. As soon as she’d calmed down I released her, only for her to call the police on me and disappear into the night. A couple of hours later I was arrested, clapped in cuffs, thrown in a cell for nineteen hours, and charged with assault and criminal damage.

It will take about three months for this to come to trial. During this time I am not allowed to go anywhere near my own house, even to retrieve personal effects. I don’t know what happened to the principle of “innocent until proven guilty”, but it seems to have gone AWOL. I (and my lawyer) am pretty certain that this won’t stand up in court (unless the judge is female of course), but it means that for 3 months I will find it difficult to earn a living (as a freelance writer) as I am basically living in my car. But such is the feminisation of the Western justice system. I’d be interested to know what might be different in other Western countries (I’m in the UK).

We westerners always knew how it was, but some of us thought this kind of MO was exclusive to greedy blondes with a weight problem (e.g. the first Mrs Gadzooks). But, once she’s over here, speaks a bit of English and got herself clued up, your Asian babe can behave exactly the same.

But, once the dust has settled, what next? I’m not quite ready to hang my boots up just yet, thanks: but, on the other hand, nothing will induce me to create a third Mrs Gadzooks. This brings us back to the mongering issue.

The mongering debate tends to focus on two issues; is it bad for you yourself, and is it bad for the women involved? I agree with Stick’s general contention that both parties do suffer personally from involvement in the biz. But that doesn’t turn me dead against it. Though I am of course benefiting from a girl’s decision to damage her life in this way, I am not causing it and not making it any worse; if she didn’t go with me she’d go with someone else, who might well treat her a lot worse. And it simply isn’t in my power to make life significantly better for the poor of Thailand: all I can do to help is go there and spend money, on beaches, booze and bargirls.

And am I selling myself short? Many Stickman contributors have stressed the impossibility of recreating the real man-woman experience with a Thai bargirl. I quite agree. And nor, even at 50, am I incapable of pulling a woman in my own part of the world without paying upfront. But I am simply not up for what women call a “relationship” and I call a 51% controlling interest in the whole of the rest of one’s life. I have wonderful kids, support them properly, and don’t want any more. And I am simply not prepared to give an account of the time I spend when I am not with her; nor to accept regular obligations (though I’m always inclined to be generous when I’m flush); nor to allow any more women proprietary rights over my home; nor to be faithful when an interesting opportunity crops up. Yes, a lot of men get round this by lying and deception. That isn’t me, and I don’t want it to be. Mongering is morally far superior.

I’m always happy to attempt to create a GFE out of a mongering session, if the girl wants to play along. I don’t mind if she starts holding out hopes of making me into a regular buffalo, because I know damn well she won’t succeed, and I won’t make promised I’ve no intention of keeping. But, if she wants to keep it strictly wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, that’s also her call. And if the experience comes off, I’m happy to go back for more. In my own time and on my own terms. (And on hers of course – if she goes off with someone else or prices herself out of the market, that’s just tough.)

In fact I’m generally looking forward to my next visit to the Kingdom. God bless the pharmaceutical industry – I’m going to need it!

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Being charged for a crime you did not commit and prevented from returning to your home is totally fxxxed up. It really sounds like some parts of the Western world are totally screwed up.