Readers' Submissions

A Tale From Central Dept. Store

  • Written by Anonymous
  • March 18th, 2010
  • 4 min read


Sawasdee Ka. How can I herp you, Sir?

Good Afternoon, I’d like to return an item for refund, please.

Lefund, ka? (raised eyebrows)

Yes, you know; I’d like my money back please.

Solly Sir, we don’t give money back. What’s long with the item, ka?

Well, it’s these pair of shoes, they’re not long, they’re the right size but the first time my wife wore them the straps snapped. It shouldn’t have happened to shoes which cost me 1500 baht.

Ok Sir, leave them here and we’ll lepail them. Come back in two weeks prease.

No, you don’t understand, no use repairing them, it’s a design fault.

What’s a design fault, ka?

They weren’t designed for walking, get it?

No Sir, I don’t get it. You got them and now you want to give back but we don’t want them because we sold them to you and we got your money, ka. (angelic smile)

Exactly. Now you got it but I still want my money back because shoes are for walking and not for looking at. I’m a Gold Card carrying customer in this store and I demand satisfaction. I don’t want them repaired because the same thing’ll happen again and I’ll be back here wasting my time as well as yours.

Anywhere in the world in a top department store like this they’d refund the money without questions.

This is not anywhele, this is Thailand, ka.

Oh really, you could’ve fooled me. Thanks for the geography lesson. Look, are you going to give my money back or not? (pissed off)

I can’t do that Sir, I’m just a sell lady, na?

I don’t care if you’re a mammasan in another life dear, I want a refund and I want it now!

If you’re not authorised I want to see your supervisor. (Shouting now)

What’s a supervisol, ka?

It’s a manager. Why do I have to give English lessons just to get a refund?

Ok Sir, I call managel now.

Teerak ja, what’s going on here? I heard you yelling way down on the 1st floor in the lingerie section.

Sorry darling, things got out of hand here. I was trying to get a refund on those shoes you broke the straps on and they’re giving me the run around. Can you imagine back home in Myers arguing about a refund? The girl told me there’s no refund in Thailand. I could understand that in Patpong but this is Central Chidlom for God’s sake!

Take it easy dear, let me handle it from here on.

Please do before I blow a gasket.

Sawasdee Ka..(manager) Can I help you Sir?

This is my wife here, please deal with her.

(They jabber away in Thai, smiling like the whole thing is a big joke)

Ok dear, we’ve come to a compromise.

What might that be, because anything short of a refund is a no goer. Do they want to make a refund in Aussie dollars? Or maybe Euro, that is if they’ve ever heard of it.

No dear, no refund but even better than that.

This’ll have to be a good one. I’m ready to listen.

They never refund money on principle but in your case they’ll give us a credit note for 1500- baht to spend anywhere in the store.

Really, why should I conduct any more business with a store like this?

Well dear, I saw a very sexy, frilly bra/g-string number down in lingerie which should tickle your fancy and put you out of your misery. Purple lace with little bells on it. Does the Postman always ring twice?

Hahahaha.. you’re a riot Alice.. But what if the straps snap on the bra too..? Will I get a refund then?

You must be joking dear. Once you’ve done the deed you’re stuck with the result. By the way, have you seen our son anywhere?

Yeah, he is over in the Playstation section talking to a sell lady.

What’s he up to, trying to buy her?

No darling, he’s trying to get a refund on that game which you bought him for his ninth birthday.

What, that was a year ago and he played it hundreds of times.

Yeah and don’t worry darling he won’t get a refund just like I can’t and I played you a thousand times.

Ralph, Ralph won’t you ever grow up, you naughty boy. (wink ,wink, nudge ,nudge)

Here you are Sir, your credit note for 1500 baht; solly for your trouble, ka. (very uncomfortable smile)

Come on Ralph, stop making any further remarks and lets get our son before he drives the sell lady crazy.

He is a chip off the old block isn’t he.. He he?

Yes dear, you cloned him all right!

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Yep, that's pretty much how it is!