Readers' Submissions

Who’s the Pussy, Tiger?


After a couple of days of Tiger’s face all over the TV, my Thai wife happened to look up from her glamour magazine just long enough to notice and asked what all the fuss was about. I told her Tiger Woods has been found to have over a dozen girlfriends in addition to his wife and children. Without changing expression and not missing a beat, she said “What do you expect? He’s a rich Thai man.”

My wife does this to me all the time; says something so profoundly simple and true, and I realize I have been counting the trees instead of looking at the forest. Of course, that isn’t the whole story but I am sure most Thai people have reached the same conclusion if they have even heard of the story at all. Now, Tiger has apologized to his public in a very vain attempt to get his sponsors back. I understand Marc and Stick’s take on this; that Tiger is a golfer and not a saint and the rest of the world be damned if they don’t like what he does in his personal time. In fact, I agree with that sentiment as far as most people are concerned. But let’s be honest, Tiger is not most people.

Yes, Tiger first and foremost is a golfer that competes for prize money. He is not just a good golfer, he may be the best golfer to ever play the game, and yet he is barely half way through his golf career. As you might imagine, his exploits on the links have created a mythical image of Tiger in the public imagination; a myth that large companies with lots of money would like to ride the coattails of. They approach Tiger and his people, offering huge amounts of money, many times more than he will ever win in tournaments, and he accepts. Now Tiger has traded his mythical public image for a huge amount of cash. Who wouldn’t do that? I know I would, although I’m afraid my public image wouldn’t get me a ham sandwich at the local diner.

Before inking his name on what was undoubtedly a multipage contract and depositing the cashier’s check from the sponsor, I am sure Tiger had his attorney explain the terms of the contract. In it, I am also very sure, was a morals clause, which basically says that the contract can be cancelled and the sponsor can try to recover funds, if Tiger engages in immoral behavior while the contract is in force. In addition, I am sure whoever married him, explained that marriage generally means you don’t have girlfriends, especially when you have children. And, assuming that Tiger occasionally reads a newspaper or watches some news on TV, he has read or seen what has happened to the public images of others who have strayed from the bliss of marriage. And finally, I am sure his Thai mother, who is supposedly very Buddhist, explained that desire is the root of all suffering and that the fourth law of the 8-fold path specifically forbids sexual relations outside of marriage.

So, what does Tiger do, literally just after his wife stops traveling with him on the tour? He joins the Blonde Bimbos of the Month Club (blondebimbos4you.com) only he forgets to pay the extra fee that ensures the bimbos will never open their mouths about the liaisons. And in what can only be seen as a cry for help, he texts these bimbos knowing full well (or should have) that these texts are saved by the telephone carriers and can be retrieved in court cases. Unless Tiger is a complete idiot, you have to assume that he thought he could engage in this behavior without being found out. Although assume makes an ASS out of U and ME, what other explanation is there? These were certainly not women whom he met and felt strong but fleeting connection to; he managed these bimbos like a pimp and actively tried to keep the truth hidden. If he were violating the law instead of legal contracts, he would be in plea bargain discussions with prosecutors while awaiting trial.

In the end, Tiger knew he was trading on his public image for hundreds of millions of dollars yet he acted in this way regardless. Is he a fool or an idiot? Does he deserve public ridicule or sympathy for being a sex addict? Personally, I believe the later, for like any drug addict, he gave up a good life for the thrill of his addicting drug. But I don’t feel sympathy, as I said before, these were not spontaneous liaisons. They were managed with the same precision Tiger would approach training for an upcoming tournament. And as for his public confession of wrongdoing, supposedly similar to alcoholics standing up at their first AA meeting, I am sure every addict watching was rolling in laughter. It was a confession as well as denunciation of the system around him, one he willing partook and enjoyed the fruits of. It was baloney peddling at its lowest form and I am not sure even his Mother bought it.

Anyway, for those who say Tiger is a golfer and everything else should be off the table: I agree. But then Tiger should reciprocate and cancel all his public image contracts, less the public discovers some other character flaw. You can’t have it both ways; unless, of course, you are a rich Thai man living in Thailand.

Stickman's thoughts:

What I found interesting was the spectacular way everything unravelled. It seems to me that it would be pretty hard to cheat these days and get away with it, at least if you're looking at anything more than a quick fling.