Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 248

  • Written by Dana
  • February 20th, 2010
  • 5 min read


ETERNITY, INFINITY, AND THAIS

Everything in your life is photonically based. When your skin and your retina and your pineal gland register light they are simply attesting to the cosmic balance between time and space. This is what is basic to your life: more basic than emotions, food, water, or sex. These trivial needs and wants can never be as basic as your absorption of time and space. Your baseline for existence is photons. The sun's heat and light make of you a measuring device. You register the universe's most basic descriptions.

Since the universe is boundless, its diameter is infinite. So the longest possible duration of time is the time required for light to traverse it. This unit of time is called eternity. This is the cosmic balance between time and space. Time and space balance and define each other without derivative or debate. To be a human and not think about these things is to . . . well, dogs don't think about them. Make a choice. Anyway, when I am through in the morning surfing the net and emailing my friends at the Internet place near Soi 10 in Pattaya, I cross Beach Road and stand in a sun spot on the boardwalk. The sun striking my face is on an eternal journey of infinite distance. I am proud to be included. I feel connected.

Spotting a girl on the boardwalk it occurs to me that she got out here ahead of me so she was included in this photonic eternal journey of infinite space ahead of me. Can we play catch up at my hotel room at the A.A.Hotel? Chances are slim but oh what a 'rock-the-world' peer reviewed academic journal paper that would make. Maybe this is why Einstein accomplished so little at Princeton. He was wondering if differently applied universal constants of time and distance could be astrally synchronous in a hotel room at the A.A.Hotel in Pattaya. No wonder his hair looked the way it did.

Anyway . . . and to review: eternity is a fourth dimensional measure of infinity; and neither can be cleaved into parts because both are by measure unbounded and without scale. You can't measure eternity and infinity, all you can do is recognize them. I challenge anyone to come up with a more interesting idea for humans than this. No wait, cancel that. I do not challenge you to come up with more interesting cosmological constants than eternity and infinity because then I will have to read (or pretend to read) your tawdry papers full of equations. Kosmos (cosmological cognoscenti) don't communicate with equations–they use intellect. You and my self are not equal. Your mission, should you accept it, is to attract my interest. Alter my brain wave, do something interesting in my auditory canal, cause my retina to note and retain; anything counts. History tells us you will fail. Dogs bark to establish place and declare life. How are you different?

Equations? Next you'll be bragging that you can communicate with Kalahari bushmen by scratching pictographs in the sand. It's math that holds back the race. Intellectual power wasted on juggling when we should be learning to think. Thais like to say that thinking hurts the head. And like the soi dog who values every bark, they imagine that when they say such a thing that the idea has value. The idea does not have value. It is just the cultural whine of the lazy and the useless seeking ego and importance in a world they can not comprehend. But they are on to something. Even a ricocheting bullet gets credit for striking a rock.

Thinking is the arch stone of human evolution. Remove the arch stone and it is 'start over' time. This wouldn't matter to Thais who still have whiskey soaked arguments about the best way to make a slingshot; but others on this Earth are involved, and hopefully cooler heads will prevail.

Ponder how we could jumpstart our human intellectual evolution if we required tested comprehension of these ideas by high school seniors. No comprehension of life's most basic cosmic balance of space and time? Then you don't graduate. Combine set theory and cosmological math and let college bound high school seniors who are not going to major in math or engineering in college skip high school calculus.

How would we start with untutored minds to get them involved? I propose a Dana School of the Eternal and the Infinite (DSEI) to be taught at the Mothership for interested farangs. Admittedly, these Thai-specific definitions are considerably scaled down from basic cosmological definitions but it is all about physicist language baby steps. Just my way to contribute to the common good in Thailand–a kingdom that I love. All concepts will be taught with real world examples. For example: Mothership definitions of eternity and infinity.

1. Eternity: the time between you having an orgasm and hearing the door shut behind her as she leaves.

1. Infinity: the lengths your teeruk will go to get your money.

2. Eternity: You have surprised your Thai wife with a thoughtful gift. Now you will wait an eternity for a thank-you.

2. Infinity: The distance you drive beyond the last measure of distance given to you by a Thai before you arrive at your destination.

You: Excuse me, how much further to the entrance to the national park?
Thai: It is right around the corner.

You will now drive for an infinite distance after you go around the corner before you find the entrance to the national park.

3. Eternity: the time you wait in the car for your Thai wife or Thai girlfriend or Thai daughter to join you. She finally comes out of the house wearing flip flops, T shirt, and shorts. It took her an eternity to put this outfit on.

3. Infinity: distance in a Thai's mind between any starting and ending point in a personal journey. This is why they walk so slowly and non-linearly (zig zaggy). They don't actually expect to cover the distance in their lifetime so why exert a focused effort?

So, to review: eternity refers to time, and infinity refers to distance. Both are boundless measures and definitions of the Universe. Wait a minute–boundless? This is exactly how the Thais treat these concepts. Time and space mean nothing to them. Everything they do is a candidate for an eternity and they have no discernible sense of distance. Are they on to something? Spooky.

Stickman's thoughts:

It is spooky.