Readers' Submissions

Do Your Homework!

  • Written by Tom
  • February 11th, 2010
  • 7 min read


Call it homework, due diligence, background checking, or whatever. Do it!

After reading pages of ‘stories’ about Western men being ‘victimized’ by Thai ladies, I have my own reasons to strongly recommend some sort of background check, or ‘check’, on the lady you are interested in. The stories are all different, but the endings are pretty much the same. Taking the time to find out about a lady is a small price to pay, considering the monetary and emotional loss one can experience. This is not cynical, just realistic!

I am a very successful businessman, mid-40s, above average appearance, never married. My company has offices in many countries. The very nature of our business requires a high level of security. I am fortunate to have an excellent staff that can perform in-depth checks on businesses or people. We then know who we are dealing with.

I have always been intrigued by Thailand and visit often for business and pleasure. I am not a ‘sex tourist’ and do not frequent the bars. I have always had a desire to find a decent Thai lady for a relationship as my future plans include a home in Thailand. I never met the ‘right’ one. In September of 2009 I signed up (briefly) for a Thai dating site. Spent a bit of time scanning the ‘prospects’ and settled on one who seemed the right age, etc. Sent off a brief ‘hello’ note and received a quick response. ‘Sinee’ (not her real name) was in Hua Hin. After the obligatory exchange of greetings and photos, we started to correspond. This lady seemed ok. Told me she left her husband, had two small boys, and lived with them, along with her mother and father. A bit of ‘baggage’, but not enough to cancel the project. I have no problem in providing support for a Thai family. We started to correspond almost every day, along with some lengthy IM sessions. All seemed OK. I was sincerely interested in ‘Sinee’ and was making plans to come to Thailand and meet her.

Not long after we started corresponding in earnest, ‘Sinee’ told me she was falling in love with me. Nice to hear, but somewhat unrealistic. She advised that she left her husband, a Scot, because he ‘beat her’. And then, subtly, the ‘sob’ stories worked their way into the conversations. She worked long hours at a job in a hospital and did not get enough rest. She had to support the entire family. Sometimes there was not enough food for everyone. She was now taking a second job cleaning in a hotel to earn more money. She had to pay 8,000 baht rent for her small home. She had never, ever met a ‘nice’ man. Sometimes her children were ‘starving’. These and other ‘sympathy’ comments were done from time to time and she was always very ‘tired’ and not getting enough rest. It was pretty evident that she had a fiery temper, which she denied.

We started to make plans to meet when I came to Thailand. ‘Sinee’ wanted to meet me, agreed to stay with me, and have sex. This was reiterated in more than one correspondence. I would stay in Bangkok for 4 or more days and she would stay with me. ‘Sinee’ would drive up and meet me (she advised she had a car). She was anxiously awaiting my arrival. No mention was made about how she would take the time off work.

During the month of October and part of November, ‘Sinee’ sent me over 70 emails. By this time I was becoming quite wary of her intentions, but kept up the correspondence. Intrigued by what she could come up with next, I played along. She can be quite convincing.

We made plans to meet in Bangkok at the Conrad Hotel on Nov. 19 and I would stay for at least 4 days.

Towards the end of October I requested a comprehensive background check on ‘Sinee’. This was done through our Thailand office. Just before leaving for Thailand on 14 November I received a preliminary report. The full report was made available to me when I arrived in Bangkok. I arrived in Bangkok on November 16, read the entire report, and further quizzed the people who conducted the background check. There was little doubt about ‘Sinee’!

The truth is: “Sinee’ is indeed married to a Scot, and has been for some years. He works offshore in the oil industry and comes to Thailand in his ‘off’ weeks. She has one son by him. There is no evidence that he ‘beats’ her. She lives in a large multi-million baht home in Hua Hin, has cars, motorbikes and land, all in her name. She and her husband have a small bar in Hua Hin that caters to many ‘sex tourists’. She has worked as a bar girl in Pattaya. Some very ‘quiet’ interviews with ‘acquaintances’ revealed she does have a bad temper and is very moody. There are very strong indications she has a Thai boyfriend and she visits him frequently. She goes by a number of different names and can be found on other dating sites using those names. The report is extensive and only a few items are listed here. Almost everything contradicts what “Sinee” had told me.

It is now evident that ‘Sinee’ is certainly not ‘as advertised’! And it is apparent that her husband has spent a lot of his hard-earned money providing for her and her family, plus a bar business! The marriage may/may not be a good one, however ‘integrity’ is evidently not in her vocabulary and certainly not practiced!

I let ‘Sinee’ arrive in Bangkok to meet me. I was not there, but a couple of my people were and observed her. She sat for about 40 minutes, made a phone call, talked to some staff at the hotel, then left. She sent me an email asking why I did not show up. I replied by telling her that she had chosen not to tell me the truth, so I had chosen not to have anything to do with her, and itemized some of the facts in the report. Even this failed to completely deter her. She still wanted to meet me! I guess the smell of money far exceeds any embarrassment! I have never heard from her again and do not want to.

I am fortunate to have resources available that can accomplish this type of ‘check’ on someone. It can become expensive! However, and I would stress this point, it is important to do some sort of ‘homework’ on a lady! It does not have to be expensive, but any money spent is certainly worth the peace of mind. Why become a statistic in a place where the truth can be very evasive? Why put your emotions on the line when someone can compromise them and leave your wallet running on empty? We have all heard and read the stories about Western guys being ripped off or being ‘conned’ by a Thai lady. They certainly are not all bad, but, and this is a big ‘but’, do yourself a huge favor and do your homework!

Tom

Stickman's thoughts:

I agree with you that checking up on a lady is a good idea. But I would say that you should only do it if you really felt there was something going on. I think a relationship needs to be given a chance to grow and flourish before you even think about checking her out.

As is widely known, I have provided a range of investigative services for guys involved with Thai women and have had quite a number of people request a "pre-purchase inspection" of a lady they had met online BEFORE THEY HAD EVEN MET HER. I always say it is best to meet the person first. If you want to check up on someone you have not already met then something is wrong with your approach I reckon.