Here I am again sending in another submission to the great one, Stickman. As always all names have been changed to protect the (non innocent).
I'm always a little worried about not meeting the 800-word minimum. My subs have been refused a few times because of that requirements but here goes. <grins>
I've always enjoyed Billy Bunter's Asian high jinks, but I think one of my trips to Vietnam will even top his adventures.
This was on my first trip anywhere. I went to Vietnam and I had no idea that Vietnam did not have any 7 Elevens or quickie marts, anywhere.
I was in Da nang, Vietnam spending large amounts of money (to ease my guilty conscience of deflowering a Vietnamese beauty queen). During one of my daily spending sprees in Da nang I went out and bought her a brand new xe-moto (moped), after
we / I had purchased the xe-moto, Xuan decided to take me around and show all her relatives what the gullible American had bought her. We went on the xe-moto outside the city to visit one of her uncles / aunts on a farm, one hour ride from Da
We arrived at her Aunt's, uncle's small rice farm and after the sign language greetings (I didn't realise before going to meet xuan that I would be the only person able to speak English). We all sat down and began to eat chicken
/ rice, veggies and washing everything down with water.
After about 2 hours of sitting on hard cement eating and being bored out of my mind, the food had made its way down to my stomach and I really needed to use the bathroom, and I had no idea where in the one-room house the Cr(bathroom) was.
So I'm squirming, thinking in my mind how to convey to xuan "we" need to go (so I could get back to the American style hotel and use the bathroom) one hour ride.
I finally was able to convey to xuan that "we" should go, we get back on the expensive xe-moto that I had paid for and start riding back towards Da nang.
Now keep in mind, I had been sitting on a hard cement floor for 2 hours eating questionable food & drinking questionable water, and I really needed to take a "dump" (#2).
We're on the xe-moto bouncing along the pot-holed road back to Da nang, and my bladder is ready to burst, and things are not looking good for my other end either.
I'm looking on both sides of the road for any possible rest stops / gas stations so that I could use their bathrooms! Forget about just taking a quick pee behind a tree or bush. I needed the full use of a toilet
We finally cross a long bridge and enter the outskirts of Da nang, and I'm thinking "finally we will start seeing gas stations /rest stops" (well no such luck), only shacks and mom & pop roadside stores. I come up with
the novel idea "hey tell xuan to pull over so that I can buy a soda pop" with the intention of RUNNING back behind one of the house / shacks to relieve myself.
I get her to pull over to one of the shacks / stores, and she tells the owner that I want a soda pop. And the man standing outside the store tells Xuan (she translates back to me) that if I wanted to use the CR (toilet) that I would have
to buy a $1.00 soda. So I quickly hand over the $1.00 and asked (with sign language / waving of arms) where the CR is, and the guy points down the stars of the shack and motions to go left.
I damn near "run" down the stairs of the house-shack and turn left, and it's dark as hell down there, can't see where I'm at. So I decided that maybe I had turned the wrong way and so I turned and went right, to a
different gloomy-dark room, and couldn't see anything in there that would look remotely like a toilet. And by this time it was WAY too late to go back up the stairs and ask again for directions.
So I decided I'm just going to take care of "business" in the dark gloomy room (after all I had paid a dollar for a soda).
I'm squatting over in a corner of the dark gloomy room feeling guilty as hell & feeling a great sense of relief that I didn't crap in my jeans, at what I'm doing, and my eyes have just started to adjust to the darkness
in the room. I'm squatting, looking towards the other side of this room and I notice some movement, and two eyes looking at me…..
Well this is a good place to stop part 1 (I like stories that have cliffhangers). Keeps people coming back to read/see what happened in part 2…
PS the Vietnamese beauty-queen, after I left Vietnam was married soon after I left and now lives in USA..sigh)
Part 2 please.