Marriage With A Traditional Girl Part 2
So the internet dating started with the girl who would become my wife. I shall call her lieb loy.
I knew from my trip to her cousin’s house that she had very basic, but I think very well taught, English language skills learnt at school and vocational college, but rarely used since that time.
What surprised me was from a very basic starting level, how quickly her written language improved. There were of course countless mistakes and misinterpretations of words, from those marvelously inaccurate Thai – English dictionaries which are a disgrace. Does anyone actually proof read those books, or is the proof reading done by the same farang who writes the bargirls' emails?
It was always a huge effort on both our parts to overcome communication difficulties, compromise, co-operate and above all, desire to get things right was our underlying tome.
As the internet relationship developed, more and more our futures were becoming intertwined. The major issues of her ability to leave her family, her world became paramount in our discussions. She believed she could make those changes. I of course from the value of experience had major doubts. There could be no trial run on this. She could never leave her family home unless she was married.
A traditional girl is a complex thing and nothing is straight forward (definitely hooking up with a former bargirl is easier it seems to me). It’s a huge effort to see if she has the ability to change her life.
Nothing compares to her family. Her father is the undisputed leader of his family, and those within it, just because you may bring money and security to the relationship as you should because you must provide for his daughter, are always the second male in the pack.
You must show deference to him. If he is not well educated his view must still be respected. If he is worldly he will, within constraints of language, discuss world issues with you. He is the alpha male.
Showing you are little different in many ways to him is your way into your niche in the family. Of course he may be a rice farmer with a grade 3 education, but he will probably have some very solid core values if his daughter is a traditional girl when there is a solid bargirl influence in the village or surrounding villages.
If the only alcohol in the house is the half empty bottle of lao kow in the cupboard which he never uses, it is only for guests to the house. You, the suitor of his daughter, must show restraint and control in the use of alcohol. How could he condone his daughter being married to a drunk? He would never want that to happen.
You are being trusted with his daughter. You will be taking her away to a foreign country. Are you disguising “evils” within your character? You must work so hard to convince all of her family and the lady in question that you are the man that you present yourself as.
So our relationship over the internet continued unabated, her using her salary to pay for her internet café time, missing her lunch time, to match in with my shifts at work, never asking for anything but the promise I would be faithful to her.
You have undoubtedly read of that look of adoration the Thai girl who loves you uses. It was disturbing for me at first. Never have I seen that look before. This girl is offering her whole being and you are being entrusted with something special. Never abuse that look.
I had told her that I would come back to her house to visit her again, of course staying at the hotel in town. This time it was better. We went for walks together, always with a chaperone. “What” I hear some readers saying. But remember she can not be thought of badly in the village and walking with a farang is not a good move in some respects.
Walking together in the city involved a senior family member, usually her mother.
Again the efforts in proving myself to this girl and her family seemed at times unbearable. Sometimes I longed for the thought of just banging a whore or eventually visiting the Thai male dominated baan pooying, with their mainly white skinned girls inside.
Did my future father in law understand that I needed to find some horizontal relaxation when he pointed out the sois in town that held those houses of ill repute or was he testing my reaction to what he said?
Would the family accept a gift from me? Yes they did and souvenirs from my home held pride of place in the good display cupboard in the house, next to father's medals, sword, commendations, and other important things. Did they ever ask for a baht? Never! Did they ever make me feel anything but a guest? Never! I was nothing but a visitor until I committed to their daughter in the only way possible. I was a only a guest.
I left again for home after 6 weeks visiting her house everyday (traveling on a family lent motorbike), just being around her family. I had a night out in Cowboy before I left Bangkok. Thank god for that. It just reaffirmed my belief that I had completely outgrown the bar scene. The girls are great to look at but the charade is almost unbearable.
This girl really does sound like she comes from a traditional family. The display case holding the father's treasured awards, the lack of alcohol and the chaperone are all very positive signs indeed.