Stickman Readers' Submissions December 10th, 2009

Ten Hard, Fast Rules for Meaningful Mongering

The following were found chiseled into stone on the top of Mt. Tamalpais near San Francisco, California and are repeated here in no particular order.

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Never Pay in Advance

I don’t care what they say, it’s not like pumping gas. Like all service activities, it needs to be incentivized. Service above and beyond can and probably should be rewarded with a tip, much like an early completion bonus on a construction project.

If A Girl Doesn’t Ask You Your Name, Walk Away

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Any good English teacher will tell you that introductions are the first or second thing taught on day one. And you don’t want to reward students who don’t take good notes and practice their lessons.

Don’t Feed Her

I realize this is harsh considering the frequency with which Thais eat. However, blood can only flow to one organ at a time. In this circumstance, the stomach is not the organ you want enlarged and enriched. A snack is okay; fresh fruit off the street, especially cantaloupe, works well. It’s healthy and cheap.

And don’t forget, in asking for a meal prior to, she’s really just probing to see how much you’re good for overall when the night’s finished.

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Lock Up/Hide ALL Valuables as Soon as You Hit Your Room

I’m not saying I don’t trust anyone but temptation is the stepmother of petty theft. If you have a wall safe or a drawer with a lock, use it. Otherwise, stash your stuff and good luck remembering where you put it afterwards.

Provision Up Prior to

Make sure you are stocked up on condoms, KY, baby oil, vitamin V/K, devices, modeling attire (etc.) before you retire for your session. If you have a room, keep the stuff there. If you’re going to use a short-time hotel, keep it on your person. You don’t want to open your wallet and buy anything you don’t have to within eyeshot of your intended. The mere appearance of a wallet in front of a Thai girl is almost guaranteed to result in funds flowing from you to her.

If a Girl is Not Interested in You, She’s Not Interested in You

This one is hard one to accept as we are all God’s gifts. If a girl, no matter how hot, just sits (or stands) there lethargically avoiding eye contact as well as conversation, move along, there’s nothing to see there. This is a lesson that is hard learned and a rule broken at your peril.

Never Take a Girl Who Loves Her Phone More Than You

Many Thai women have deeply romantic affairs with electronic communication devices that are far more profound than any they will know with those of us with a beating heart. Embrace it, don’t resist it.

Beware of Women Wearing Gold

I like the stuff that glitters as much as the next guy, especially at almost $1,200 an ounce, as long as I’m not buying. However, sporting gold probably means she’s been ravished, lavished and maybe even spoiled. There’s nothing wrong with overindulgence but once a girl’s eaten filet it’s going to be hard to for her to go back to hot dog.

Always Ask “How Much?”

As sabaii as Thailand it is, one should never taken anything for granted. And in your homeland, you would never ask a plumber to clean your pipes without an estimate. Service is service and although they’re sometimes hard to avoid, going in eyes wide open, at least price wise, is a way to minimize nasty surprises later on.

Always Counteroffer (or at least almost always)

This is just good business sense. Thais love to negotiate which is why the most desirable thing in this country (it’s women) come with no price tag. Don’t be silly and offer 500 if she starts at 1,500. You might find this amusing, she will not. Counter at 1,000 and be willing to work your way up (which you will).

Bargaining is more of a game or test to see if she’s playful, pliable and flexible. These are important elements of a good session. If she’s firm, she’s firm; that’s good too.

Some Thai girls are just so hot you will be thrilled when they go with you at any price. In such cases, be thankful they didn’t go higher.

Never Ask a Thai Girl to Walk More than Ten Minutes

If it’s father than that, spring for a taxi. They’re cheap here. Although we men (most of us anyway) will never know, high heels cannot be easy to walk in. And you want things to be easy. Exercise is generally a foreign concept to the Thais. You don’t want to tucker her out on the way to the room; during yes, but not on the way in.

I guess that’s actually eleven not ten. Close enough for government work. Good luck and, remember, “just be careful out there.”

Stickman's thoughts:

Lots of good, sensible advice.

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