Online Dating Can Work
I was intrigued by the recent stories of unfortunate marriages, and genuinely believe that there are many similar cases, especially where the girl is taken out of her comfort zone.
My story is thankfully very different. I met a lady on a dating site (Thai kisses) and we seemed to get on quite well. Well enough in fact for me to book my second visit to LOS that year. After spending a week together, on one of the islands, I decided that the relationship would not work, so took her back to Bangkok and then commenced an intensive 2-week research programme into the freelancer girls of Pattaya, which proved both tiring and very stimulating.
Having returned to my main home in Germany, I received an email from the lady, who wanted to introduce me to her friend, so I said yes, get the girl to email me. Within a few hours I got a most articulate email from this friend, and being pleased with the obvious intelligence that lay behind the words in the response, I immediately replied. What followed was a huge amount of correspondence in a very short time. It turned out that this lady had studied at University in Bangkok and gone on to do her PhD. Afterwards, she studied in California and Australia for quite a few years, all at the expense of the Thai Government. As a result of this studying, the lady was now a full professor at a renowned American university, though she did have to repay the Thai Government for some of the fees she had expended. During the course of the correspondence, the question of wealth came up, and she told me that her friend had said I was very wealthy. When I put her wise on this point, her response was that she was thankful, as in her experience the very wealthy guy has too much choice.
After 4 weeks of correspondence I got on the plane again and met this lady in Bangkok, just as she was starting a short vacation. We spent 3 days together (not nights) and she came down to Ban Saray to stay in the villa I had hired, strictly on the basis that it had at least 2 bedrooms and that there was to be no sex involved. What was I agreeing to? A very agreeable, but celibate, 2 weeks past, and I returned to work in New York, wondering how much I was going to miss her.
The rate of correspondence did not diminish, and 4 months later I found myself on the plane again. I had hired the same villa for 3 weeks, and she picked me up at the airport. However, this was not the same girl!! This girl had obviously decided that this relationship was going to flourish and that sex was going to play a large role. She was, and is, a very reserved Thai lady, but with a great sense of humour. To win a bet one day, she cleaned the windows outside, in the nude. To win another bet, she drove for 20 km in the nude, albeit not near a town, although we passed through many villages. So this lady was not a prude, but one could never guess this, as she is both shy and very reserved in public.
But, we did encounter some problems over the question of cultures. I had (and still have) to be very careful what I say about Thai people, as she is fiercely protective about the Thai attitudes, their heritage, their religion, and their approach to life. To argue on any of these points is tantamount to a direct insult to her. <Are you *sure* she is an academic? – Stick>
Until the end of our second holiday, the question of finance did not rear its head. She had paid for many of our restaurant meals, and many incidentals during our time together. She then said that she was worried about finance. She was not prepared to let me pay for nearly everything, but worried that she could not spend on an equal basis. This developed into quite a healthy argument, but eventually we agreed to continue as we had been.
Whilst we both worked in the States, we were on opposite coasts, and I regularly returned to Germany for extended visits. In the intervening years (six to date) we have worked out a relationship, which has to be based on trust and compromise, mainly because we are apart so much. She will not seriously consider moving to an East Coast University, where she has had several offers of a better post; which would enable us to spend a bit more time together. We have a small holiday home on Koh Chang, which was bought with her money entirely, and she lives in our Californian home which I bought some 4 years ago. I think that all her continuing savings, go to buy more land near BKK, but like a lot of Thais she is very secretive about these investments. Only by listening closely to family conversations does one learn the extent of these land purchases. <This raises a serious question mark to me. Surely she should be open with her husband about such matters? – Stick>
She has made it very clear that she intends to take very early retirement, and will want to live in Thailand, with only occasional visits to the States or Germany. I, on the other hand, wish to continue living in Europe or the States, even though I retire shortly. Therefore, the only way forward will be to compromise yet again.
This readers, is the crux of the whole relationship concept with a Thai lady. Be prepared to compromise and all being well, you will be rewarded with a love and loyalty that is rarely found in Western societies.
Compromise is part and parcel of relationships, but it does seem to me that she is pretty much doing as she pleases with the expectation that you will fit in with her. That's fine – because at least she is being upfront about things – but then she isn't, is she? That she is not open about what she does with a large chunk of her finances seems to suggest that she has the upper hand. I wish the two of you luck but for sure, I have a concern or two.