Len Ganley’s Love Children
There are times when you just have to write it off. Here’s a contribution that has been some months in the making, apologies, got sidetracked with other issues. The vision that provoked it to write made me laugh when I saw it and if it makes you smile too, great. I am a firm believer in coincidences and the links between seemingly unconnected phenomena… just because we’re not bright enough to establish the link, doesn’t mean its not there. Best way I can illustrate this epistemological, or is it ontological, perspective… what was the biggest island in the world before Australia was discovered? (Answer at the foot of the page).
Coincidence One: What have The Philippines and New Zealand got in common?
Neither of them has had a team in the Rugby World Cup Finals this century. Ok, a bad segue but you have to get a mention in for the Third World or Stickman doesn’t publish your submission. Anyway, this is a trip report if you like about The Philippines, trying to build on earlier comment – and prevalent theme – that suggests that is where the future lies for mongers. I had a tip from a lad in the back of a taxi in Sin City earlier this year and I think its time to pass it on.
Arriving in Manila, one is mentally prepared for the onslaught of taxi scammers and dodgy hotels, all done in better English than you’ll ever find in Bangkok Airport and its salubrious environs. Forget it… its calm, sensible and makes you feel kind of safe far more than Thailand ever will. OK, you need to watch some stuff… there are different firms and rates out of town and its worth paying the money to get a limousine as Angeles City – your and my destination – is about two hours out. But it works.
It’s a daft journey… an hour to go about ten kilometres across Manila and then an hour to do ten times the distance on a nice new motorway. Current monger logic is to fly in to Clark, the old USAAF base that spawned – literally – Angeles but it’s a budget carrier airport and nothing direct from Thailand, so you trade a two hour drive for a broken journey. Your call, your choice. Anyway, when you get there, it looks quite basic and makes Soi Cowboy look positively metropolitan these days… but what a difference.
Coincidence Two: What do the girls in all the Angeles bars; snooker referees and concert pianists all have in common?
It’s a (g)love thing. I could wax lyrical about the ‘models’ – the slightly prettier girls who have a much higher bar fine; the lack of decent pool tables and the prevalence of that nine-ball nonsense; the slightly creepy sensation that Angeles is really all about one profession and one occupation and the fact that one big wave would sort the place out. A mate of mine pointed out the dichotomy between the smiling, happy seeming Filipino folks, whom he – politely – compared to real life hobbits and the fact that everywhere requires you to pass through a metal detector and check in your armoury. But all that subsides to nothing with my main point and rationale for heading there.
In the bars there, the girls dance and they can really, really dance. They smile, they laugh and in the majority of bars you can stand at the side and see the bizarre sight of girls who are ‘off duty’ still doing their routines and trying to learn new ones in synch with the more established dancers. OK, it is the same old songs and routines as Thailand but the enthusiasm and genuine smiles that you see just make you think that maybe it is OK and that the girls are doing it with some good emotions.
I only had a few days down there so am no expert and don’t want to make this sound like a saddo submission but I must mention two lasses I met there in Atlantis, the biggest and the best of the Angeles clubs and leagues above anything in Bangkok. They had complementary numbers – #210 and #120 – and whilst I though that #210 was cute, #120, who was only about 4’ 10” on tippy toes (that is well less than 1.50m) was simply the best dancer I have ever seen. Jumps, splits and a locomotion routine that would be an invisible blur even on slo-mo on YouTube.
I paid the bar fine for both and took them off to a club; they were genuinely cousins and the Duracell bunny was attached to some young Brit guy but I suspect he would not see 25 if she put half as much effort in horizontally as she did vertically – and no, I did not try and find out. Her cousin was pretty and sweet, a great dancer too but clearly second fiddle on the dance floor. Wonderful night, topped by the fact I was so drunk I missed my flight out the next day but will never forget these two angels from Angeles. I’ve written before how the bar fine in Angeles includes the lady and is still cheaper than many joints in Thailand. JFDI – Just do it.
Back to the coincidence. Len Ganley was a well-known and much loved snooker referee. If you recall, they all wear white gloves, just like concert pianists do – at least Andre Previn does on Morecombe and Wise (yes, this is an old Brit writing). So please, when you finally get there answer me as to why all the girls are wearing these white gloves? Did Len Ganley have innumerable illicit liaisons there at some point or is there some wonderful hand fetishist out there in Angeles, web cam’ing and bishop beating twenty four hours a day? Is there some gigantic hand job bar somewhere that these girls are all hoping to qualify for? Please tell, as I know very little and less every day. But I do know this:
Coincidence Three: What have The Philippines and Thailand in common?
Nothing. The biggest island in the world before Australia was discovered was Australia. Just like Thailand was the best place for mongers before it was ever discovered. And if you feel, as I do, that it is well past sell-by date in the Land of Smiles… you know where to head. I played some bad pool with a weird American chap there who tried to palm his current girl off on me… not interested but he said an interesting thing in its place. He said he loved the Filipina girls because they were sweet, nice and gentle… but longed for the Thai girls because they were hard. That has to be a Yankl thing… OK, we all like a challenge but these days in Thailand, it is just not worth the fight. So I will see you in Angeles next month maybe, all being well, and whilst #210 and #120 are likely gone, #102 and all her sisters will still be waiting for me. And all of us.
No comments as busy like mad today.