Stickman Readers' Submissions December 28th, 2009

Hoist On His Own Petard

Anne was forty five. She'd gone through menopause and was glad to have that out of the way. She and Alan had been married twenty seven years. Like most marriages, the sex had started off steamy and hot. Alan was at her three, sometimes
four or even five times a day, and she had reveled in it. She felt hot, beautiful and wanted.

Then the kids started coming. Alan Jr was first, followed by Katie a year later, and then young Dillon two years after that. Naturally, the opportunities for sex became more infrequent as she and Alan looked after the kids. Alan didn't
seem to mind, and Anne knew she couldn't have been happier. She'd loved lots of sex with Alan, but she was always too tired after the kids arrived to be really interested. It was nice whenever it happened, but she didn't really
care one way or the other.

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Alan worked as an engineer at a large petrochemical company. He earned good money. They bought a large new house out in the suburbs soon after they were married. As Alan progressed up the promotional ladder he earned enough to pay off the
loan within ten years. They bought a brand new car every three years. Anna decorated the house to her heart's content. She had everything she had ever dreamed of.

As the kids grew up, life was good. The family was happy. Even though Alan had to travel now and again he was always glad to get home. Sometimes he would get Anne into bed at the first opportunity and they would get back to enjoying it as
much as they had in the early days of their marriage.

In between these times, however, things slowed down. Anne didn't give it much thought. She had too many other things on her mind anyway to worry about how much sex they were having.

By the time the kids were in their mid-teens the marriage had settled down to something so familiar that Anne never even gave a thought to the future. Things would surely just keep on the way they were until the end.

But one day Alan came home and told Anne he was going on another business trip. She didn't think anything of it. He had done this before. He packed his bag as usual, kissed her and the kids goodbye, and left.

It wasn't until that night that Anne found the note in their bedroom. It read, “Darling, I'm sorry to break the news to you like this, but I think it is much better than having a fight and frightening the kids.

I have left you. I won't ever be back. I have found someone else and I have gone to live with her. She lives a long way away in another country, so there is no point in trying to find me. I will write later when I am settled down and
in a better position to deal with your undoubted anger. – Alan”

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No apology, no other explanation. Anne stared at the words on the paper. She couldn't believe it. She sat on the bed and the tears started to flow. Alan Jr was the first into her room, followed closely by the two girls.

“What's happened Mum?”

“Your father has left us. He's run off. I don't know where he has gone. He didn't say!” she sobbed.

The four of them hugged each other, stunned.

Naturally, the first thing she did the next morning was to check their joint bank account. She was relieved to find that Alan had left half of the money they had saved together. He must have thought he was being fair, she thought. But he
would find out what was fair if she had anything to do with it. She wasn't going to take this lying down. After all the years they had been together, she and the kids didn't deserve to be dumped like last week's trash.

The next day, Anne went to a lawyer to ask what her options were. She had no job, no income, and she still had three kids to support. What was she going to do?

The lawyer asked a barrage of questions and then offered her some options. She asked for some time to consider them. She would return in a few days with her answer.

Two days later a letter arrived, addressed to Alan Jr. His father had written to say that he was in Thailand. He also apologized for leaving so abruptly. He said that he still loved his kids but after so many years in a lackluster marriage
he had become increasingly frustrated with he decided it was time to grab some real happiness while he was still young enough to. He hoped the kids would understand. He still loved them, and he would get back to see them one day.

Anne read the letter too. There was no return address, and nothing to tell her if he was even in the same town as the postmark. She noted that it came from Bangkok. Was that where he was? She shrugged. What did it matter? He was gone.

Then she sat down and started to think. Her anger smoldered slowly, her brain working overtime.

After many hours of thinking and planning she knew exactly what she was going to do. The first step was to return to the lawyer.

“I want a divorce.” she told him.

“That should present no problem. Alan has deserted you. We have his written confession. No judge in the world is going to deny you a divorce. However, we will have to wait a few months to get it done.”

“That's not a problem. I am willing to wait.'

Her next stop was to her bank. She asked for, and got, a small loan against the value of the family home. It would keep the family afloat for the next twelve months. Hopefully, by then the divorce would be finalized and she could move on
to the next step in her plan. Let Alan have his fun while he still can, she thought.


“There's a problem.” She looked at him inquiringly.

“Because your husband is not here, we have to work out how to divide the estate. Do you know how to contact him?” the lawyer asked.

“No. He's in Thailand somewhere, but he hasn't told anyone where he is living. But that's alright. I don't want that bastard to get anything out of the divorce. He has abandoned me and the kids. He must pay for

“There's a good chance the judge will take that into consideration and award everything to you. But this will delay the process. I am obliged to try and contact Alan. And we have to make arrangements to force him to pay alimony
to you at least.”

“No.” Anna said. “I don't want any alimony. We'll never be able to collect it anyway. I want the house and everything in it, as well as the car and all our remaining cash assets.”

The lawyer nodded and said he thought it was highly likely that the judge would agree.

It was nearly a year after Anne had started the proceedings. Despite his best efforts, the lawyer had been unable to contact Alan. They went to court without him.

After hearing all the facts, the judge awarded the divorce and all assets to Anne. Alan was also ordered to pay alimony if he ever returned. Arrears and penalties would be assessed and he would have to pay them as well. Hearing this, Anne
seriously doubted that Alan would be stupid enough to ever return. As the judge had pointed out, he had no jurisdiction in Thailand.

She left the court room a happy woman. She had already made her plans. Now that she had been awarded everything she was ready. All she needed now was to know exactly where her erring ex-husband was living.

Stupidly, he supplied the answer within a few months. He wrote to Alan Jr to tell him that he had set up house with his new girlfriend, Noi, in a condo in Pattaya. Although he didn't give the exact address, he did mention the name of
the condo. So now Anne had something to work with.

Anna knew he'd bought the condo with the funds he had taken from their joint account. Yet another reason to do what she planned.

Now it was time to put the next phase into operation.


The real estate agent sold the house within two weeks. The buyer needed a home urgently and was prepared to pay the asking price. Luck was indeed with her.

Anne banked the money and moved on to phase three.


The family had rented an apartment. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as their old home, but it was on a short term lease. This suited Anne perfectly. As soon as the school holidays started, Anne was ready. She had booked their tickets, arranged accommodation,
and packed their bags.

The lease was almost up anyway. She paid the rent up to the end of the term, and they all moved out.

They boarded the plane and after a long boring flight they landed at Suvarnaphoomi International Airport, Bangkok.

Anne hired a limousine and they drove down to Pattaya, where they booked into their hotel.

They spent the next few days doing all the touristy things. They visited Underwater World, the Tiger Park, went swimming at Jomtien where they lazed on the beach. They ate exotic food, and drank fresh green coconut juice as they lounged in
deck chairs on the beach.

At night, Anne put the kids to bed and made sure they understood they were not to go out, or even open the door to anyone unless it was her.

Then she set out to troll the Pattaya nightlife. She visited the beer bars, the night clubs, the discos, and the gogo bars. On the third night she spotted something that interested her immensely.

She sat at the bar off Walking Street and watched the Thai boxing. The fighters were lithe, fit, and incredibly strong. But only one of them interested her. He was slightly larger and stronger than the other boxers. Anne watched as he fought.
His muscles bulged as he delivered telling blows with hands and feet. She marveled at his control. What sort of lover would he make, she wondered?

She didn't have long time find out. He came to sit with her after she sent him a bottle of beer and a five hundred baht tip. She was pleased to find that he spoke reasonable English.

“My name is Thongchai, but everyone call me Thong. It mean gold, and I fight so good I make plenty gold. You like?” he asked.

“I like” she said smiling over the rim of her Mekhong and Coke. She'd discovered the drink as she prowled the bars when one of the western patrons with more hope than he deserved had bought her one. Since then, she'd
drunk nothing else.

They chatted for an hour or so. Thong had finished fighting for the night, so they had time to get to know each other.

Finally, Anne made her decision. She like Thong. He was a bit rough around the edges, but he was definitely what she was looking for. She asked him to accompany her to her hotel room. He could hardly wait.


Anne woke up in the morning sated and happy. She had found her man. He was insatiable in bed. They couldn't get enough of each other. They hadn't stopped until almost morning. Finally, they both flopped back on their pillows, too spent to move
and fell into a deep sleep.

She looked at the travel clock beside the bed and sat up quickly. It was almost midday.

The kids!

She ran to the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her teeth and dressed hurriedly.

Then she went out into the corridor to knock on their doors.

No answer.

She returned to her room and called reception. Was there a message for her?

The receptionist told her that the kids had gone to the beach to sit in their usual beach chairs. They were waiting for her there.

That was a relief. And with them out of the way she could put her plan into action immediately.

By now, Thong had woken up. He lay back in bed with a wide grin on his face. He had never slept with a farung woman before. She was magnificent, he was thinking. When she walked in he gestured to the bed. He wanted more.

She shook her head, smiling.

“Come on and get dressed.” She said. “I have some business to do. You can come with me, ok?”

“We come back here later?” he asked, fearful that she was about to dump him.

She laughed. “Don't worry, we will come back here and I will give you a very special reward.” He grinned.

Satisfied, he got up and padded into the bathroom. He had a quick shower, pulled on his clothes. Anne dressed quickly at the same time. They were ready at almost the same time.

Downstairs, she gave him an address and asked him to get a songtaew to take them there.

He came back into the lobby a minute later. “Five hundred baht.” he said.

She nodded. They walked outside and got in.

The taxi took them over the hill to Jomtien and drove almost to the end of the beach. It turned into the grounds of a huge twin tower condo with a long swimming pool that ran down towards the main road separating it from the ocean.

She avoided the receptionist. Instead, she looked at the piece of paper in her hand and heading for the B Building elevators. They got in and she pushed the button for the eighteenth floor. The lift rose swiftly.

She was impressed. The building was old, probably about fifteen or more years, she guessed. But it was well maintained. The swimming pool was magnificent. It must be nice living here. She smiled to herself. It wouldn't be nice for one
of the tenants much longer.

When the lift stopped and the doors opened they stepped out. Anne followed the numbers down the long corridor until they came to the number on her piece of paper.

She banged hard on the door, looking around to make sure Thong was standing just behind her.

She banged again after a minute without a reply. Then she heard a voice cursing behind the wood.

She made sure she looked good and stood up straight. She wanted to look as good as possible for this meeting.

The door opened and a bleary face peered out. It was obvious the owner had just woken up.

As his eyes focused and he realized who was standing there he stepped back and exclaimed, “Anna! What are you doing here?”

“Hello Alan. Do you mind if we come in out of this heat?”

Still befuddled, Alan gestured for her to come in without thinking. She stepped past him, holding on to Thong's hand.

They walked into a large lounge room that overlooked the ocean. The view was breathtaking. She glanced around the room and sat them both down on the large sofa.

Alan followed them in, still not quite comprehending what was going on. She could see a thousand questions swirling around his head.

She sat there calmly as a rather plain, short, dark skinned woman walked into the room. She was wrapped in a towel, her hair in disarray.

Anne looked at her, stood up, held out her hand and said, “Hello. I am Alan's wife.”

The girl stared at her bewildered. She mumbled a hello and ran back into the bedroom. Anne followed her.

“No need to be shy, dear” she said.

Alan rushed in and tried to usher her out again. “What the hell do you think you are playing at, Anna?” he shouted.

“Me?” she said, all innocence. “Why, I've come too introduce you to my new toy boy, and I wanted to meet your new toy as well.”

Alan stared at her. He didn't know what to say. Then he shook himself awake as the import of her words hit him.

He let out a curse and ran back into the lounge room where Thong still sat.

Alan launched himself at the diminutive Thai man, thinking he would beat the living daylights out of the little dwarf. He started to punch Thong. But as his fist traveled through the air, Thong's head was no longer there.

Thong saw the punch coming and vaulted to his feet, easily avoiding Alan's wild swinging punch. He danced back, a dark light glowing in his eyes. If this piece of farung dog turd wanted a fight, he would get one.

He watched Alan carefully, sizing him up, just as he did with his opponents every night in the ring. Then he moved in, hitting Alan hard with everything he had.

Alan was hung over, but worse, he was out of shape. Thong ran rings around him, darting in to land punches wherever he felt like it. Alan flailed around, but he was clearly outmatched.

Within a minute Thong stood over the bleeding, battered man. Alan lay there moaning and groaning, clutching his arms around his ears.

“No more. No more.” he groaned.

Thong looked up to see Anne standing on the other side of the body. She drew back her leg and gave Alan a huge kick in the stomach.

Thong said, “Is alright?”

She stepped over the body, grabbed him by the arm and as they walked out of the door she said, “Oh yes darling. That's just perfect. Can we come back tomorrow and do it again?”

Stickman's thoughts:

I thought that was going to end with the Pattaya Flying Club!

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