When All You Have Is Time
Morgan Freeman once said in a movie something like this, "Alone in the dark with your thoughts in prison could sure send a man crazy. I have had some long nights in Shawshank but this was the longest night of my life."
I have had 15 of those nights so here is my story.
I have been to Asia a few times before, done the bar thing, had a great time and slept with a few ladies of the night so one day I thought I would try something a bit different and sign on to ThaiLoveLinks. It seemed like fun and the girls there were friendly enough so over time you get a few emails and make a few friends. Sometimes the girls would even ask if you were going to Thailand and whether you could meet up. I never met any of them at that time but still I enjoyed the interaction.
Then one of the ladies I had chatted with online one day was going to Farangland were I live. She was married to a farang. I am married and we never spoke that much so to be honest I did not give it much thought. Over time I only spoke with her a couple of times. Then one day I saw her on MSN and I knew she was already here so I made a joke about how much I thought she would be missing Thailand and wanted to go back! She responded that yes, that was the case and that it was hard to adjust to Farangland life even though she had only been here for a few weeks. Anyway, she was married so I never gave any thought to anything else but then we started chatting some more and then even flirting. Then she asked me where I lived but I told her she probably wouldn't know it because she could have been anywhere in the country. I told her where I lived and then she said OMG, I live only 5 minutes away from there! Mmmm, ok!
Before I knew it we had agreed to meet so I drove and picked her up we chatted and she seemed to like me so one thing started leading to the next and then we kissed. She was married I thought, but it did not seem to stop her and the next day we slept together. We were both married so I did not think it would last too long or be too serious but we started doing it on a regular basis.
It was so good so I keep going but by this time she started to say that she was in love with me so I wanted to continue what I thought was a good thing so I said the same and I did really like her but I love my wife and had no intention of changing that.
Our love affair continued for a while and I got to thinking, gee ThaiLoveLinks really does work and I haven't even gone to Thailand to meet anyone yet!
By this time my now girlfriend was joking how she liked Australia and wanted to stay longer. She had explained to me that she was here on a tourist visa only which did not make any sense to me since she had been married for nearly 2 years and you would be thinking that she would be here permanently. Since the weather was cooler at that time she would have a cold and then she even went on to say she had the occasional fever. This didn't stop my lust for her and even I had caught her cold so on it went and the world was nice. I had a lovely wife and a sweet mistress who would totally satisfy my sexual desires and boy, was she good!
Then one day that cold I had turned into something more I began to get quite a bad fever and I started to break out in a rash with spots all over me which my lovely wife first noticed and suggested we see a doctor which I did and I got a blood test for everything. I then started to think that what I might have caught could be more than just a simple fever and or cold.
A few days later I went back to the doctor and was getting told one by one everything they were checking for was negative that was until he got to the HIV test…then a pause then he said the HIV test has been sent for further testing… Oh fuck, I said, I've got it!
The doctor did not respond but phoned up to find out how long it would be before the results were known. 2 weeks. Oh, great, I thought! This would be a wonderful wait!
"Have you done anything recently that would make you think you were at risk?" he asked
"Yes, I have had unprotected sex with a girl."
"Is she a drug user?"
"No, not at all."
She wasn't perfect. After all, she was a cheating wife but a drug user she was not so there you have it, I had to wait 2 weeks and be alone in the dark with my thoughts every night for that time. I did straight away however confess this to my wife and told my girlfriend I thought I might be HIV positive.
"Oh god" she said.
I asked if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She said no and that for sure there was nothing to worry about. I did pick her up in the car one day and we had a long discussion about it and she told me not to worry (fuck mai pen rai) and that we can only worry about things as they happen. I then started to think about what had happened and how my first intention before our first sex was to buy condoms and that the only reason I did not was because I was running late for our first sexual encounter so after that I thought why bother. Then maybe after a couple of times I did start to use condoms but when she was on top on one occasion it actually came off and disappeared up her love tunnel and I actually had to go up there and fish it out then something in me just said oh what the hell and when I re-entered it felt so much better anyway so I just kept having it with no condom. The funny thing is I have always been so careful about sex with a condom and I thought, well, she is married. I had asked about her work in Bangkok which seemed straight up as I knew the field she was working in and I asked her a few interesting questions to which she gave me the reply I was looking for and really seemed quite well versed to what she was doing. Also she seemed to dress quite simple and to be blunt did not at all look like she was a bar girl to which I had slept with plenty of and would have a fair idea about the demeanor although you never can really tell I guess. Then I started to ask her about previous partners she may have had. She said only her husband and me within the last two years. This I do not believe as I got her into bed so easily that I am sure others would have done the same.
So what to do but wait. When all you have is time I tell you those two weeks were so long and all I can say to readers at this time is that I know at some stage we have all taken that risk of not wearing a condom as the pleasure of being inside a woman without a condom can feel soooo good but what can I say? The idea of getting HIV and believing you might have it, well, does that outweigh the risk? I will let you decide and sometimes you might think oh, she is not a bargirl it will be ok.
Well 1 in 75 Thai people are recorded as having HIV so how many have it that don't know? Well, who knows? Do the math when you minus the older married conservative generation plus the number of children plus other factors who knows it could be one in 30 available women. I have seen 30 to 1 shots get up all the time in racing so then I am thinking that I have cut my life expectancy short and my poor wife will have to get tested which she now has but we are still awaiting those results.
I was feeling in one way so unlucky because it never happens. I have unprotected sex (except with wife) until this encounter and she was the first Thai I had ever slept with without a condom. Oh well, in another way I felt it was universal justice for me for being such a liar and cheat so here I am waiting, looking on the internet at all things HIV, feeling dazed and not like at all I was in reality. Then the phone rings and the doctor would like to see me.
Ok, heart pumping, I was off to the doctor then sitting there waiting while he was seeing other patients before me. I was trying to make eye contact with him to get an indication. Nothing. Then after an hour it's my turn.
"Hello. Thanks for coming down. How are you today?"
I give that nervous smile. "Good thanks." Yeah, right. Then we sit down. This is it. The moment has arrived.
"So your results for HIV have come back and you are HIV…..positive…"
PS Stick I know there are probably many other submissions in the queue but can you please publish this ASAP as this is a warning to all. I have fucked up my life but if I can save one guy it would be worth it. <Done – Stick>
I don't know what to say. I'm truly sorry to hear the result of the test and can only hope that your wife doesn't also test positive.
I really hope this story serves as a reminder to everyone.