Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 235

  • Written by Dana
  • November 21st, 2009
  • 3 min read


FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES

Attn: Dana Fans

Just a short business announcement to tell you that a computer game called FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES is due to hit the shelves of your favorite local computer game retailer, big department store, and local booze hut (Australia) by Christmas. Nothing says Christmas season and love shared like giving the FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES computer game to family and friends.

Fifty baht trannies–how is that possible? Simple. In this game the free lancers are not free. They are already in the Monkey House (aka prison). Your computer game job is to get into the prison and to get them out of the prison. This will be a game of strategy, tactics, bribery, jerking off, corruption, savagery, drooling, degradation, violence, and then finally happiness as you and your fifty baht tranny go 'over-the-wall' and head for Pattaya. Ever seen the happy expression on a soi dog's face when he discovers a fresh turd to scoop up. That'll be you.

And she, out of gratitude, only expects to receive fifty baht per love making session from you? No, not a bit of it. Fifty baht is what she has to pay you for each butt dart festival. You had expenses. Example: expenses to spring her from prison were 20,000 baht. 20,000 baht divided by fifty baht equals four hundred. She will have to computer bonk you (and pay you) four hundred times until her debt is clear. Honk if you love math. Anyway, when this finally happens the game screen will flash:

WHO LOVES YOU? DANA DOES.

Once you have got your tranny to clear her debt in the computer game FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES a portal will open to a game called TRANSGENDER SURGERY: ULTIMATE FRONTIER.

TRANSGENDER SURGERY: ULTIMATE FRONTIER is naturally an advanced skills game (ages 15-18). In this game you will hunt down likely transgender Thai male specimens. Capture will be followed by surgery. Can you design your own trannies? Of course you can–you are holding the computer scalpel. You knew that. So seize your life, and seize your scalpel, and seize your Thai male by the genitalia and enter the Ultimate Frontier. You are age 15-18 and life is for you. Remember, it is all about the love. Tranny love.

Anyway, FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES is scheduled for Christmas of 2009. Game spin-offs anticipated for Christmas 2010 are graphic novels, action figures, home videos, movies, illustrated playing cards, talking underwear, T-shirts, wheel rims, bling jewelry, lifesize tranny lawn sculpture, personal stationary (and I mean personal), tranny illustrated passports, tattoos, sound track from the game with your name inserted, degrees of difficulty and points system options, lifetime free upgrades, single and double player mode for surgery portal, computer wallpaper, tranny teddy bears for children, and of course FIFTY BAHT TRANNIES and TRANSGENDER SURGERY: ULTIMATE FRONTIER comic books. Start saving your money now so that you can give great 2010 spin-off gifts. Remember, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Can a tranny pay off her 'released-from-prison' debt at a greater rate than 50 baht per session? Of course, but that includes her providing and performing additional services and pleasures only revealed once you are in the game. Don't worry gamester dudes, we have everything covered.

And speaking of having everything covered, if you have any questions about game rules, or protocols, or fan clubs, or tactics, or strategies just contact our office any 2nd Tuesday after a full moon in a month containing the letter -z- and our intern named Timmy will try and find the game manual.

Discounts? Yes, and for the following categories: medical students, veterans, divorced non-Thai males, and all residents of the Vatican. Discounts for the above (upon submission of corroborating paperwork) is 10%, except for priests who will receive 15% (we recognize greater need and of course we believe in God). Note: if you are only age 15-18 please do not tell us you are a priest. Discounts are the same whether you are going to participate in TRANSGENDER SURGERY: ULTIMATE FRONTIER or not. The whole pre-op vs. post-op thing is really none of our business. Make your own decisions. And who knows–you may be a pre-op enthusiast now but become a post-op aficionado in the future. The only constant is change.

And lastly, no surgery photos sent to the office please. We have children in the office, and the pictures make the dogs bark. You knew that.

Who loves you baby?
Dana

Stickman's thoughts:

I'll keep an eye out for it in the Christmas top seller charts.