One week after a previous article telling my desires for a girl, I can actually say I've had a swing in other direction. Now on front of that it seems totally irrational, but I'm not sure how these things are – the yellow fever does this to
you. You end up questioning every action, rational or irrational.
This week I've had absolutely no reason to feel an sudden irrational unhappiness with my lot. However, things are changing as she returns to Thailand so I'll have a different style of communication with her. I've sent her my first ever present – at her request as this is to do with Thai face. Which means I'll have to explain it though it annoys me. Her sponsor she's been with for the last 2 months treated her like crap and as we speak she will return empty handed of gifts for her and her family. An obvious loss of face to any Thai. When I visited her family they were a little confused as to who I was when she had a sponsor already. i.e. 'why baby farang her you have farang'. So as she lost face with her sponsor being shit and not sending her back even with a gift. So I’m winning a little face by sending her a gift.
Anyway back on track, despite all my good feelings I've started to feel the same UK trapped feeling of commitment. I now even feel chatting with her is a pain in the arse. Like seriously, if you don't know each other's friends / do any of the same things what does a UK bloke and a Thai girl talk about? Really what do Thai girls talk about anyway – Stick please inform me more if you can. <This is why you need to learn Thai so then you can really understand her – Stick> I'm ever pushing, working VERY hard to make my desires a reality, now just another week on they are scaring me. Is it right, do I want to be in Thailand young – surely I'll get bored as hell my head is telling me.
I've moved my next trip as far forward as I can. The first night I intend to have big big party. The second I'm going to do something that will possibly be most amusing to me and awfully painful to my Thai girlfriend. I'll produce a notebook of questions – starting off with rather harsh questions about her past and then about her desires for the future. Now concept sounds really harsh. I'll explain in 2 ways. I can pull it off without upsetting her and in reality if you've not got balls to confront things in Thailand then you are one of the suckers, face only goes so far. An example of this on my last visit: I confronted a Thai girl after she insulted my girlfriend about my card declining (not exactly an unusual travel problem). Now when I showed that I was upset by that girl's abuse of my girlfriend she was thrown out for the proceeding week. Now I'm sure the day I left she was welcomed back but the Thais most certainly sided with me about slight and loss of face and saw why I was angry.
I know it's a most sensible thing to do – confront the real world before I commit to it but does any Thai expat really want to do that? I have one issue- if she passes the test how do I fund her, because I know that question races towards me. She will ask me at some point. I know what loss she'll make from splitting with current sponsor, and I'm unable / unwilling to cover it. Reality for me is I'm living a sensible life to make a very short term retirement.
Can I take her out of Thailand? Now this seems almost an obvious answer. What girl really wants to be out of Thailand? They may believe they want to leave but they hate being away from friends and family. I’ve already said to my girlfriend that no way would I even consider her moving from home for more than a visit to me. I've got to say this was not established as simply as that. I broke her down under a little bit of logical questioning, where she did agree she’d much rather live in Thailand. Now that’s perfect for me but I had to break her down a little to tell me truth – you're a fool if you think you can take a Thai girl to your country easily.
My Thai girl does have another funny trait. Her total belief is that it’s impossible for her to go anywhere but a ‘low country’. Well with the 'net as it is, it's easy to check and Thai girls are allowed to enter a lot of places without a visa no problem. Thing is a ‘normal’ visa does always say ‘you can enter country if you have a way of leaving and enough cash to cover you while you are there.’ Not a big ask but obviously well beyond bar girls. Oh BTW, the Thai bar girls I picked up in Hong Kong, (a place my girlfriend thinks she can’t get into) were 10,000 baht a night after I paid for their drinks.
Another slight point is irony on guilt. I feel guilt for having sex with girls in China etc. although I expect there would be no from my girlfriend for being her sponsor. Today she asked me and I lied about other girls. Though when I see her, I'll tell her. Simple reason – I'll tell her drunk by accident – why not be honest.
Apologies to anyone who ever reads my 'rants' I don't write in concise terms of Dana or Korski I ramble with my thoughts.
This is a really messed up situation. I'd cut this girl free.