Readers' Submissions

Considering a Thai Partner: A Rebuke



Well, as usual in cases when somebody has posted a silly submission on Stick’s site, the author has decided not to post their email. So now, instead of privately challenging the author’s statements, I have to do it in public and then I look like the bully. But honestly, I prefer to spiel my venom in private and in the end, my protagonist and I usually find some common ground and walk away shaking hands. Alas, as this cannot be the case, I am forced to write a rebuttal to this inane article in public.

First, a quick story. I once worked for a real hard-nosed boss who was famous for his rough interviews. In one, the interviewee said he had 15 years experience in the business. My boss, visibly not impressed, asked if he had 15 years experience or 1 year experience 15 times? Back on his heels, the interviewee never recovered. I suspect this author, claiming 9 years experience in Thailand, fits the latter example of my story. If not, how else to explain the stupid and prejudiced conclusions he draws? The only other answer is that he is basing his opinions on a cross-section of western males that, quite frankly, are not the pick of any girl’s litter, Thai or otherwise. Let’s see, the professional fxxxup, the fanny magnet only if both genders are like poles, older than his chosen mate by 30 years, and other examples of males in their primes. One guy “immediately” put a ring on a girl’s finger. What wary male in any society would do a thing like that, even if it were Angelina Joli? Or the guy who is, regretfully, drinking himself to death. Not to pass judgment, especially on those who seem to be struggling in life, but what lessons can we learn from their experiences with Thai women?

So, Mister “please don’t email, it hurts when others disagree with me”, or dude, let’s go through your list, point by point, and I will add a little reality to it.

  1. If you have a Thai wife or girlfriend and you cannot be with them 99% of the time, the relationship probably will not work because many Thai women don’t appear to view extra marital sex as much of a problem.

Any woman, as any man, who is in a relationship that is not sexually satisfying, will not view sexual affairs outside the marriage negatively. Same with men; isn’t that why married men go to Thailand? I like the one guy who spent his nights brooding in front of the TV while his wife was chatting with guys in the bedroom. Now that’s a good way to make sure the wife doesn’t dream of other men. Also, trying to stalk your wife to ensure fidelity only ensures that you are a certified lunatic. If you were satisfying your wife you wouldn’t have to be with her 99% of the time.

  1. A Thai woman is happy as long as the money keeps flowing her way in the relationship, but offers the minimum in return, and even if the amount you give her is huge, it will not guarantee exclusivity with her.

So, let’s examine what you are really saying here. A deadbeat husband or an absent husband MAY make a wife unhappy. Now that’s genius material; must have come from your long years in Thailand; but doesn’t it apply to all wives? Dude, if you’re not taking care of business at home, any bird will leave the nest. But for those who feel they need to spend enormous amounts of money to buy love, that is a losing proposition from the first step. Why would someone do that?

  1. It does not matter if she worked in a bar or an office, the chances of a relationship succeeding will be low.

This has been pointed out on this site many times. Any man’s chances with a bargirl are slim to none (shocker) but chances with a “good” Thai girl are not good either because of the vast cultural differences. This often leads to misguided expectations from both parties. The Thai-Western marriages I have seen work, are when both partners try to understand each other’s culture and language. Also, they have reasonable expectations for money, children, lifestyle, etc. Again, isn’t this true for all marriages? Why are you singling out Thai women?

  1. Some Thai girls settle down with the wrong guy because they don’t understand our culture enough to know which men to avoid.

Especially with the guys used in the article, this is simply not true for Thai women or women of any culture. So, due to cultural misunderstandings, Thai women don’t know to stay away from Godzilla or the hopeless drunkard, or even the old man 30 years her senior. Again, this statement assumes all Thai women are complete idiots who have their eyes painted on. Cultural differences or not, bar girls are certainly smart enough to weasel vast sums of money from unwary men. You can’t have it both ways, dude. My choice, as is it many of the guys who have real, non-bar experiences in Thailand, is that Thai women are a pretty savvy lot, especially when it comes to choosing husbands.

  1. Guys married to non bargirls encounter the same kind of problems as guys with ex-bargirls. In some cases even worse problems.

Yes, I know these even-worse-problems, like being a good husband instead of a walking ATM. For those who have it, it’s so much easier to throw money at a situation than to have to spend time with your spouse or become personally involved in their lives. That’s the big difference between bargirls and non-bargirls. Again, I will chalk this one up to your vast experience in Thailand, dude.

  1. Some Thai girls get a raw deal from their partner and although they started with good intentions, they become very unhappy.

So the scenario for this one is: a good-hearted Thai woman puts on a blindfold and marries some dolt. Then, even though she has tried her best, the man continues his dolt-full ways and she ends up unhappy. Gee, why is this only true in Thailand?

  1. In my experience, around 70 % of farang / Thai marriages will fail, regardless if she was a bargirl or non-bargirl.

Just for snicks, I will agree with this figure for now, but let’s look at what’s happening on the ground today. All western marriages fail, depending on the country, from 40% to 70%, so let’s assume the figure for farang-farang divorces is 50% on average. Now add in the cultural differences and living in a different county, and this number climbs to 70%. And this is news? My own experience is that ALL marriages are a 50% proposition, not just Thai-farang ones. And, if you have the personal baggage of the guys used in your article, then it goes to 70% whether a Thai woman is involved or not.

  1. A ring will not guarantee a Thai girl's loyalty.

Please, point out the women in the world where this is the case, Thai or otherwise, as I have yet to meet one. So, I put a ring on someone’s finger, then say, “Now sweetie, even though I am 30 years older, need Viagra for sex, drink too much, and refuse to help support your family, please stay loyal to me.” I would have bought a ticket, no matter how much it cost, to be present during these exchanges. I could have thought about it for weeks and it would never have failed to bring a smile to my face.

  1. Some Thai women are incapable of feeling the same for their kids as farangs feel for their kids.

This one really disturbs me, as it implies that some Thai women care less for their offspring than other humans, implying a sub-human condition. OK, I won’t go there and just assume you are making some sort of cultural observation which you are welcome to, but it is an absolutely, insanely stupid one.

Dude, myself and many others are happily married to Thai women, both ex-bargirls and not. The reasons why are varied but mostly they have to do with being good spouses to each other with all the tasks and responsibilities that entails. The only differences between these relationships and farang-farang ones are cultural and locality. At least in my case, vive la difference! I love my wife’s perspective on life and the funny way she pronounces words, which always makes both of us laugh. In serious matters, we are always there to help each other, both emotionally and financially. Is she a good Thai wife? No, just a great wife!

Stickman's thoughts:

Nice response.