Stickman Readers' Submissions November 27th, 2009

Are You Considering A Thai Partner

If you are thinking of choosing a Thai partner, would you choose a bargirl or a non bargirl? Does it make a difference what she did in her past? Ok, I know this subject has been done to death, and what constitutes a non bargirl? A former bargirl who is now a freelancer maybe? Who knows what the hotel receptionist in that 3 star hotel did for a living 1 year or even 1 week ago! For the purpose of this submission I will assume that everything the subjects I refer to have been truthful in relation to their previous lives.

I have around 9 years experience of visiting Thailand, and I have visited many times staying for up to 4 months at a time. Below I will write about the relationships of friends and acquaintances and then I will summariss whether a non bargirl is better than a bargirl. Names have been changed to protect myself from losing friends. I think some readers will be surprised at my findings.

Simon is early 40’s and spent a few years living in Pattaya chasing his dream of meeting his perfect partner, but seems to be a professional at making a fxxx up of his life. He met Nam in a bar in Pattaya and she quickly moved into his condo and they became an item. He married Nam about a year later. Nam is not by any stretch of the imagination a stunner, but she is quite easy on the eye. Simon has just built Nam a 15 million baht house in her name, and she drives around in a top of the range Toyota Camry whilst Simon at present is working double shifts in the UK to fund this crazy dream he has of being happily married and living in a luxury house in its own grounds. Simon now only gets about 2 trips a year to Thailand and Nam is a lady of leisure. Nam is out and about around Pattaya a lot, especially late at night and she does sleep with other farangs. Nam has been given the lot, and she still fxxxs about! My belief is that Simon will kill himself soon, through sheer hard work and stress and Nam will be a rich widow!! If Simon just lowered his expectations in life within his means he could be living permanently with his wife and it is my belief she would be faithful to him. My verdict is how can you expect a 30 year old girl to be without intimacy for 10 months of the year?

Meet Jack. Jack is late 40’s. Jack is not what you could call a fanny magnet in his home country, but in Thailand he has self confidence because he has money, and Jack knows that money is what you need to attract the opposite sex in Thailand. Jack visits Pattaya 4 times every year. Jack met Suzy in a bar in Pattaya. Suzy hadn’t been there long and was only 21 or so. She has a baby boy from a Thai man. Jacks first words to Suzy were “Do you want a visa for England?” He was true to his word, and acquired her a visa 2 months later and off she went with her dreams and aspirations. Sadly she had made a bad choice because Jack is a control freak who kept her like a prisoner in his home, and expected her to be happy with a pitiful allowance to send home for her family. Suzy went from being a sweet young wife to a bitter and devious bitch within 2 years and Jack realised that the relationship was beyond repair. Jack asked Suzy for a divorce and she accepted around 1 million baht as settlement and divorced him and went home to Thailand. Last I heard she is back in the bar scene in Pattaya, and I pity the next guy that lands her with all the hostility she is carrying. I feel that she started this relationship in good faith, but if this guy's many previous partners couldn’t live with him, then why would Suzy be any different? He never thought through how he could keep her happy when she moved to the UK and he really only wanted a sex partner and free maid. He still played about a lot on their visits to Thailand and Suzy knew that. My verdict is that he wouldn’t be able to keep a wife even if she was nun!

Barry is older than his wife by 30 odd years. They have the longest marriage of all my friends which I now believe to be around 6 or 7 years. Barry is a drinker! He does his work every day and then goes to the pub and drinks heavily. Barry met his wife, surprise, surprise, in a bar in Pattaya. Jem is the plainest of all the Thai girls I know and her choices even as a bargirl were limited. Jem is a big, heavily-built girl. Barry won’t live long due to his drinking and eating habits. Jem now works in the UK and Barry and Jem sleep in separate beds. I truly believe they are fond of each other, but I think it is circumstances that keep them together. Jem will inherit a fair sum after Barry’s days and then it is my belief she will move home to Buriram in Thailand. Jem to my knowledge is faithful to Barry and he to her also. My verdict is that theirs is a marriage of convenience and Jem offers him nothing at all. She, however, is fast becoming a wealthy girl.

Peter is a tradesman and his ex wife Nang worked in an office. They met on the internet and Peter has never done the bar scene. Nang works in the UK and her money is her money!! Peter paid all the bills and Nang would spend each and every night on her computer in the bedroom whilst he sat alone downstairs. She constantly told Peter how keeneow he was, and the final score came when he caught her cheating with her boss at work. Their marriage hadn’t lasted 2 years. Peter is a broken man and he hates Thai women. He didn’t have a chance with her at all. She was far too clever for him, but I have little sympathy because he constantly went on about her degree, and that she wasn’t a bargirl etc etc and she was probably the worst partner that any of my mates ever had. Jem is still in the UK and now with her rich boss, but I wouldn’t wager about her trading up again if she has the opportunity. My verdict is that she never tried at all and is incapable of being faithful to anyone, and would want more whatever she was given.

John is a relative newcomer to Thailand, having first visited 2 years ago. John is 50ish and soon to be retired. John dabbled with the bargirls and became quite fond of one girl. However John understands Thailand very well for a newbie and never let his guard down. Well that was until he was introduced to a “good girl”. John’s partner was a widow and had been married to a foreigner for many years. She had inherited a nice house and a fair sum of cash and a nice widow's pension. John thought he had hit the jackpot and immediately put a ring on her finger. This girl said and did all the right things and John was in seventh heaven, looking forward to his retirement when they would be together full time. Babies were being talked about and I can confirm she was just as keen as him on this matter. John just caught her cheating on him with a farang and is devastated! Whatever he decides to do now, I will support him but my only advice to him has been that a leopard never changes its spots. My verdict is that he couldn’t have done more for her and she shit on him from a great height.

Sid is a good guy, but has never had much luck with women. Sid was well into his 40s and divorced. Sid has a good job and started going to Thailand (Pattaya) twice a year for two weeks at a time. Sid met Nat in a bar. Nat is a typical Isaan uneducated bargirl with a child in the village and a flat nose. Sid sponsored her for a year and she stayed on in the bar purely as the cashier of course….LOL. Well he believed it and that's all that counts! Sid married Nat and brought her back to the UK and she fell pregnant quickly. The baby was born so Nat couldn't work, but she was demanding money (lots of it) for family emergencies all the time. Buffalo sick/mamma sick/brother have bike crash and so on. She was either the unluckiest girl in the world or she was taking the piss. I know which one, but it took poor Sid 3 more years to work it out. After the baby was born she didn't want much sex because she said it hurt. Sid wised up and finally grew a set of bollocks and stopped her money. 6 months later she was gone WITHOUT her son. Nat doesn't even bother calling to see if her 3 year old is ok! Sid is a good dad, but he is a single dad and his Thailand trips are over for a long time to come. Nat went back to the bar, and now lives in a new country with her new partner (mug). My verdict is that Nat is a heartless bitch.

I have many more examples, but I think I have listed enough information to draw some conclusions, and I will list these below.

  1. If you have a Thai wife or girlfriend and you cannot be with them 99% of the time, the relationship probably will not work because many Thai women don’t appear to view extra marital sex as much of a problem.

    • A Thai woman is happy as long as the money keeps flowing her way in the relationship, but offers the minimum in return, and even if the amount you give her is huge, it will not guarantee exclusivity with her.

      • It does not matter if she worked in a bar or an office the chances of a relationship succeeding will be low.

        • Some Thai girls settle down with the wrong guy because they don’t understand our culture enough to know which men to avoid.

          • Guys married to non bargirls encounter the same kind of problems as guys with ex bargirls. In some cases even worse problems.

            • Some Thai girls get a raw deal from their partner and although they started with good intentions, they become very unhappy.

              • In my experience, around 70 % of farang / Thai marriages will fail, regardless if she was a bargirl or non-bargirl.

                • A ring will not guarantee a Thai girl's loyalty.

                  • Some Thai women are incapable of feeling the same for their kids as farangs feel for their kids.

In conclusion I feel it does not make any difference where the girl came from or what she worked as previously because the only two long term relationships that have worked amongst my friends are with former bargirls, however, that does not mean that they are happy and faithful marriages! I would love to know what the readers' experiences are on this subject.

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Stickman's thoughts:

Of the 6 different couples / situations you outlined, I think the first three the guys weren't ready or perhaps not capable of being in a long-term relationship and in the last three, it was the women who were not ready or perhaps not committed to a relationship. While you did not mention the time it took for each of the couples to get to know each other, I can't help but think that they may not have taken long enough to get to really know each other. That does seem to be the most common issue in many Western man / Thai woman relationships. Things are rushed and that is never a good thing.

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