Readers' Submissions

Ode to Union Hill

  • Written by Phet
  • October 24th, 2009
  • 2 min read



This is an ode to the fellow

Union Hill is his chosen pen name

A star of the website called Stickman

He’s right at the top of his game

He once was a handsome young Welshman

A star rugby man in his teens

He used to perform for his county

Now he drinks with the other “has beens”

I don’t want you to think that he’s past it

There’s a new sport in which he excels

If it ever appears at the Olympics

He’s certain of winning medals

The sport is “pleasure horizontal”

The best that the worlds ever seen

And a better exponent there aint sir

He could shag for his Country and Queen

When things went tits up back in Blighty

To the Kingdom our hero then flew

To the land where the girls are delightful

And freely available too

His wife is described as an angel

With the patience it’s said of a saint

To put up with all of his antics

Would make a much lesser girl faint

The tale of an early adventure

When the door came off at the hinges

Gave notice to all of a certain future

Of wild fornicatory binges

And now he’s the king of Suhkumvit

In Patpong Cowboy NEP

And occasionally loses his Monet

With the artists in Soi 33

He’s alleged to be prince of the pool halls

In the go-gos and beer bars he’s king

But he can’t dance a toss and I know for myself

He’s the only Welshman who can’t sing

His stamina’s the stuff of legends

To the dismay of some of his friends

It’s not just an hour or a day but a WEEK

When the slippery slope he descends

He seems to have got quite a fan club

Fellow Stickmanites all will agree

When he talks that the captain is pissed again

He’s probably in good company

He recently threw down a Challenge

If the life you want to pursue

To live with a Thai girl you must have the balls

And he has the gonads for two

In great pain he types on his keyboard

To entertain mongers like me

Before finally his frail body suffers the cost

Of a lifetime of debauchery

When he finally departs from this mortal coil

And the rest of us all will be gonners

They will bury his dick in a separate cask

With appropriate full military honours.

Stickman's thoughts:

Very nice indeed and well worthy of a tribute to Khun Hill. A Welshman who can't sing? That's almost as rare as a world-class Welsh rugby player these days… Ooops, I better keep away from Khun Hill – he is rather larger than I am…but am sure a beer will placate him :)