Do A Good Thai Wife, Make The Husband Happy? Tale Number 2
A week ago, I wrote a story who was published 08 10 09, in Readers' Submission 19. The title was Problems and how to take care of our Thai wife. It was a letter I wrote to my brother in law trying to make him happier, after he told me about some problems he felt in his relationship to his wife. These problems are similar to mine, in my relationship to my wife. After sending him the mail I got the idea that I could send it to Stickman too and see what happened. It happened so quickly that I forgot to introduce myself.
My name is KoratViking, (when I am writing submissions), really "Viking", a nickname I got from my good friend, John, who is Thai married to his two Thai wives. He is of course not legally married to both of them, but he made party with them, and did not pay any sin sod for either of them. One Thai newspaper was there and covered the event and asked questions about how life is, living in the house he built, with two wives. The answer was, "double good and double the problems". When I put the word Korat in front of my name, you understand that I am living in a village close to, Nakhon Rachasima, also known as Korat.
I came to Thailand for the first time, in 1999. The first 3 years I spent in the south of Thailand. I loved to stay in Phuket, with its naughty nightlife, party and have fun. At the same time it was wonderful to relax on all the beaches in the Krabi area. Yes, that time there were many women in my life.
But after meeting, dating and marrying my Thai wife 7 years ago, the Phuket life ended and my family life started. A daughter was born, now 5 and 1 / 2 years old, and we built a house in Korat. I was a little old for wanting more children, but my wife wanted, because she did not have anyone, since she never had been married or have never had stayed with a man before, either Thai or farang. (Please, do not laugh too much about this, even though I do, when I hear stories like this). I am not a naive man, but a very cynical man, because of my work, before I retired. I was a divorce lawyer in my home country. The last 4 years I have been staying permanently in Korat.
In the first submission I wrote, I concluded that we are married to good Thai ladies, and that they take very good care the family.
But the next question is, do they make the husband "happy"?
I always joke with my brother and my wife and ask, "Why does he, who is a good guy, have the same problems with his wife, that I, who is a bad boy, have with my wife? I try to tell my wife that there does not seem to be any difference who the husband is, the ladies of this family behave the same way, anyway!
Life is a roller coasterwith ups and downs, full of love and sadness, and life is sometimes to tense. I think it is a normal story how things work in the little village. Everything is related to the village morals and way of living. This influence is stronger on the quiet ladies of nature. Even my wife admits this, and tells me, she would change if went to stay in Bangkok or to another country. When you live in the village, it looks like you have to live the way the Thai wife lives together with her Thai husband. The Thai husband can cope with it, but not the farang. It seems right, I think the farang who lives in Bangkok or a farang country, has a better and more stable life, because life and morals are more farang style. But anyway, what is important is that you stay away from alcohol and other women. When you have problems with the wife, I think it is easier to run away if you stay in the village because it can be so boring, for both husband and wife. However, she has her network in the village, and the man who only chose the village, to stay happy with her there, has his network in the cities. When he does a runner, it does not make her happy, and then problems between them can escalate dramatically. There is only one way in this blitzkrieg, be quiet, and wait for her to calm down. When she is ready, she will tell you what an a-hole you are, and if you can take it, peace is established again. In the west, you can feel like you are under the domain of a typical strong farang lady, and you have to bow your head. In Thailand, you take this shit the same way, because here the Thai are the superstars, and Thais are never wrong, it is the face factor, again.
Yes, it is true, if you are lucky you get a little bit of warm love, European style, even if you live in the village. There are some moments with soft love speaking, emotional touches and advents, but not so often, like it is in the farang style. So as a farang it is very much up to you to take care of the romance, you know about this, and the Thai wife and ladies love it.
How can I take this in my marriage? Because I do not expect my wife to show love or speak about love. They do not like it. This I have always known. Look, they never speak about their feelings to their mama and papa or their sister or brothers. They never even touch each other, heaven forbid. You see, when they go away from their home for 1 or 2 years, and when they come back after their absence, they never hug each other. The best case is they hug the farang brother, but never the Thai family, who they love the most!
Their celebration is, to come together and eat mak, mak food for a half or an hour, and sitting most of the time together in silence and only feel love inside. I asked my wife one time id she realised that her mother and father can die, without hearing from you, one time, that you love them. She answered that it was impossible for her to tell them that and it was also impossible for her to hold them one time. However, she told me that they already know the love in their children's hearts.
Thai wives love their children and their Thai family more than us. They are so different to us. Even the Thai husbands, who speak Thai, of course, never get these feelings from their Thai wives either. So that is why I never expect my wife to show me much love. Even in Thai soap operas where there is so much love and shit, that is why the Thais love this so much, even here, when love occurs, the best case is that they hold each other's hands, never show kisses or sex, heaven forbid. They sit together and never speak about love and are very soft speaking. Maybe the so called bad boys in the movie do so, but remember they are bad.
However, there was recently a soap, and one of the actresses is half Thai / farang and she did kiss on the screen. My wife was in a thrilling shock, when she saw it happen!
When you stay with a European woman, you get IT, but nearly never from a Thai woman, maybe only from a lady, bad, working in the bar or elsewhere. SHE IS WORKING, SO YOU CAN BE SURE ABOUT IT, YOU NEVER GET LOVE FROM HER, EVEN IF SHE SPEAKS ABOUT IT OR SHOWS IT, but not from a good woman who loves you, it is nearly impossible. That is why the farang loves the bar lady, they love to live in the illusion, when this working ladies are acting. It is the only place in Thailand, you will hear a Thai lady speak about and show love in public.
The good Thai ladies only show how good they can take care of you about everything else in life. The better they take care, the more they love you. They take for granted that you understand this. This goes of course together with how good you take care of them about money, gold, work, presents, their Thai family members, your children and them in all the queen ways they know from the Thai soap opera.
IF FARANG KNEW ABOUT THIS BEFORE MARRIAGE, THEY MAYBE WOULD NOT MARRY. (Of course many have to marry, if not they can not bring their wives home, to the farang place, they belong).
One way you can feel love easily is when you stay in bed together. Here they have a chance to show the love without speaking to much. Most of the time, the husband is happy about this. Both are happy and everything is very private. It is like a secret pact between them, and love is in the air. But they know how much we want it, the sex and love, all the time, it is our only chance to feel something which looks like complete love. The more they give, the more they love us, and here you have to look at the quality and the quantities. This is also their weapon to control us, you sometimes think, so you never know for sure whether it is true love or not. If they are not happy, after a fight, it is the rule that you get lesser or no sex, but you have to understand, this is not about love, it is about control, they need it as much as we need it. <Control is the devil of any relationship – Stick> The love is permanent, but you cannot see it. When the love is gone, you find out, because than they are gone, too. It happens like lightning from heaven.
Even if they stay together with you for a long time, you can feel sometimes, because of these problems, that you are not 100% sure it is love. Even if it was love in the first place, has the love survived? For the Thai wife, after staying a long life with you, she probably stays further because of security, prestige etc. This is however the same problem in staying with a farang wife. But if they stay long, it is more possible that they have love in their heart for the husband.
This attitude of not speaking about It, do they also have about a big number of other subjects. The conclusion is, when they feel confronted, criticized or they do not like it, they only stop speaking or worse they go away, leave you alone, it is like they cannot hear or see you anymore. At the same time, they try to teach and convince you to be same, same them, so you fit in to the Thai style. This is very confusing, of course, and it makes me crazy, and before I started to drink, but that is over now, baby blue.
These ups and downs, should it be strong enough for me to walk away. I have decided not. The reason is that my feelings about this problem have changed. I have peace now with myself. I found my way, and now it looks that my wife has peace, too.
I am old enough to stop looking for my so called soulmate. I also know about the pain which comes after a divorce. Think about it, broken hearts for such a long time. Your insecurity about the rights about seeing your baby, the pain for your baby and family and the splitting of the money, house and everything and the way of living. All your work, you have to start again afresh. Do not forget about the insecurity about being able to find a new good girl, and all of this, because the farang is insecure and does not understand Thai culture.
At some point of your life, you get old enough to forget about finding your soulmate, maybe it is her, because the overall happiness I feel together with her, is the greatest love I felt in all my life. Why think so much about the love speaking.
But if you have to go, do like the Thai man, do not speak about it, only do it, and let nobody know. But I would advise you to do it the rich Thai man's way. You know what I mean, then you keep everything, and get everything. You lose nothing, before she finds out. SHE PROBABLY FINDS OUT, THEN YOU HAVE A HELL OF RIDE IN FRONT OF YOU.
But are you really so bad if you do it this way? If she not finds out, everything is good. If she finds out, you hide behind the words she always told you, it is the Thai way.
Up to you, this is not my problem anymore. Stay happy out there.
That last bit where you say to a Thai "it is the Thai way" is so funny. try doing that in the heat of an argument – it can be an argument over anything – and see what happens. It'll inflame the situation like you wouldn't believe, even though what you're saying may be right on the money!