Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 226

  • Written by Dana
  • September 12th, 2009
  • 5 min read



PYRAMIDS

Sa wa dee khrap Thailandstoryites, expats, newbies, and Dana fans:

Dana here with an idea of ten year old child common sense and diamond hard genius. To wit: Pyramids. That's right, pyramids in Thailand. Pyramids to honor and commemorate and show love and respect for top Thai smilers. We need to erect pryamids all over the Kingdom to honor through public memory skanks, and cruisers, and smilers, and Go Go dancers, and door girls, and commercial females of the memorable kind. Naturally, I will be in charge of everything. I think that is what everyone wants.

There will be some rules:

First: all nominated girls must be still living so that they can participate in opening day ceremonies — possibly of the sexual kind.

Second: all nominated girls must have been in the business at least ten years and be able to produce evidence (anecdotal accepted) of at least 2000 happy men. This is the bare minimum. Naturally some pyramids will be larger than others based on the girls reputation, production, and happy customers. Girls who have married a customer, left Thailand, completely drained the guy of money, and then returned to Thailand and their previous profession are examples of the sort of excellence we are looking for. However, just straight grinding it out year after year counts also. In any case, we admire production, predation, and a complete lack of morals. Example: there used to be a woman who worked at the NEP at one of the top floor bars who was so 'accessible' that thousands of men all over the world and all over the Internet knew of her charms (I fell in love with her). Her pyramid erected in her home town in Essan would rival the Great Pyramid of Khufu at Giza in size (481 feet tall).

Third: all commemorated women would be of the Essan variety. Got other ideas? Build your own pyramids. Like I said, I am in charge.

Fourth: all Essan smilers will take their final resting place inside the secret burial chamber. The burial chamber will be an exact replica of a room at the Mothership (Nana Hotel) and she will be buried with and surrounded by articles of her personal and her professional life that she will need in her next life such as: cell phones, Go Go boots, dancing bikini, condoms, Thai-English dictionary, posters of Thai movie stars and Thai TV stars, sexy underwear, teddy bear backpack, Mickey Mouse underpants, Tweetybird Tee shirt, sunglasses. cosmetics, purse big enough to steal a laptop computer from a customer's room, flip flops, stiletto heeled shoes with those black laces that wrap around the calf, designer jeans, motorbike, costume jewelry, pirated CD's and videos, ATM card from customer, master copies of sick buffalo and sick mother stories, fried insects in a paper bag, weird 7-11 snack foods, coffee in plastic bag, roadkill snake jerky, a lifesize painting of her pet chicken, mortar and pestle for grinding up chilies, net bag full of durians, fish paste in plastic bags, bong, gold jewelry gifts from boyfriends to be pawned on the other side, yaa baa, skin whitening cream, old lottery tickets, deck of marked cards, more skin whitening cream, Thai ID card, KY jelly, and a black lacquerware serving tray showing fighting elephants in Surin. No wife or consort of an Egyptian king ever traveled to the great beyond better equipped. Money? She doesn't need any money. She's got a pussy.

Fifth: the burial chamber will be hidden by a concealed entrance, a maze of connecting passages, false doors, collapsing bridges, flooded alleys, steps to nowhere, dead end cul de sacs, and all around bad mojo vibes. Hey, it'll be just like visiting her parents in the village.

Sixth: ok, I'm just getting started on this . . . send me some of your ideas.

Anyway Fulbright scholars, dudes, mongers, and night crawlers; this is just too easy. It does make you wonder why an idea like this never happened before in the Kingdom. I quess we'll just chock it up to the need for white men and their big visionary brains. I mean, just think of it; lying in state in her pyramid burial chamber she will be holding a wooden 'good luck' penis in one hand and an ATM card in the other hand. Obvious. Gives you the chills doesn't it? It is such a good feeling kind of thing.

Just call me a proud papa for taking on this project. Imagine pyramids from Mae Fa Luang to Na Cha Luay to Khlong Yai to Sugai Ko-Lok. Statuary of me already graces the Kingdom's landscape, these whore pyramids just complete the natural way of things.

Please send your pyramid design ideas, and pyramid fundraising ideas, and pyramid program ideas to me at this website. Naturally, I will need names, addresses, contact information, and pictures of girls you feel qualify for nominee status. I will be doing all the interviewing. This interviewing will be long and difficult as thousands of sexy promiscuous Thai honeys will have to be examined by me. But you will not hear a single complaint from me. That's the kind of guy I am. I'm just a sacrificial node on the hull of monger needs, and in addition . . . look, just send the names and addresses.

No, you will not hear a single complaint from me as I plow through thousands of moaning women anxious to be remembered for their professional achievements. It's all about the love baby and I feel I have finally found my life's work and my reason for being. Try and imagine how many pyramids there would be in Essan. Instead of going to Egypt to see three or four or five or six pyramids, tourists could go to Thailand where they could see thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of great huge pyramids. It would change the face of the planet. You would be able to see it from space.

So, give this idea some consideration and post to me all fundraising ideas, donations, blank checks, used condoms (I can resell them), hard convertible assets, financial instruments, gold jewelry, silver ingots, dental fillings, coin collections, and gems. I'll take care of everything.

Sincerely yours,
Dana

P.S. Will there be a Great Sphinx somewhere in the Kingdom? Yes, there will be a Great Sphinx in the Kingdom. And he will look like me. You knew that. He (me) will be 187 feet long and 66 feet high. Instead of looking east towards the rising sun he will be looking from high on the Essan plain towards the A.A.Hotel on the shore of Pattaya Bay. You knew that.

Stickman's thoughts:

The Stick is on death's doorstep so no comments.