Readers' Submissions

Breaking Man

  • Written by Zoolander
  • September 25th, 2009
  • 9 min read


My story so far. In early 2006 I was on holiday in Kuala Lumpur when I met this beautiful Thai lady. I was staying at one of the premier hotels in the city and for three days and nights we had the most wonderful time together with lots of sightseeing, dining and partying. At the end of my holiday I promised to visit her in Thailand within three months. During our time apart we kept in touch via telephone and email . I went back to Farangland to work and she went back to drive a private hire car at a regional airport in Isaan.

Back in London I had plenty of time to think about the great time I had in Kuala Lumpur and this beautiful Thai lady. This was my first experience visiting Asia and being with an Asian lady and I liked it. I owned my own home in a nice part of the London and had a well paying but unfulfilling job. I was 40 years old at the time and had never been married. While having some English girlfriends in the past I was disillusioned with their attractiveness and they always had their own agendas. My past holidays were usually skiing with my pals or taking city breaks around Europe or the States. I had never been to Asia before and my head was spinning from the experience.

After three months back in London I headed to Bangkok to meet my dream girl. We spent nearly two weeks together touring Bangkok and the islands in the south. During our last week together we decided to get married. She told me she had a daughter that lived with her dad near Bangkok. I said I had no children and had never been married before. Well, we employed an agency and within two days we were a happily married couple. We did a lot of talking beforehand and the plan was to bring her back to London. We employed the same agency to start the process of getting her a permanent residency visa. I was very happy and the only concern was there was a couple of times after she had been drinking she was a little crazy. But I just put this down to high spirits. After three weeks I had to leave to return to work in London and she returned to her work at the airport.

After five months she got her visa to stay in the UK. We were both so happy and in September 2006 we met at London airport. It was a warn autumn night and we drove back to London so happy. I took some more time off work so she could acclimatise to her surroundings and for her to get settled in as best as one could. While I thought her English was satisfactory she wanted to go to English school and improve her skills. She met another Thai lady at the school and they became friends. We were happy together and our routine was I worked during the week while she attended school and at thee weekend we went sightseeing. We regularly ate at Thai restaurants and shopped at the Thai supermarket and I introduced her to the local Thai temple. There was a small network of friends and family who did their best to help her settle in. However, as the days got colder and shorter I could see that the initial happiness was disappearing. In deepest February she announced that while she truly loved me, the cold dark days of the English winter were getting her down and she wanted to leave England and return to Thailand. We had a long talk and the plan was for me to continue working in London and she would return to her village home in Isaan. We planned to build a home and a minimart in her village and when completed, I would leave my job and sell all my assets and retire in Thailand. By March 2007 she had left England for good. I like to think I tried everything to help integrate her with western culture and my family and friends were so helpful but I guess the culture shock was too extreme and maybe her thoughts about living in England did not match up to her expectations.

By December 2007 and after several visits to Isaan and spending a small fortune, the home and shop were complete and I had resigned from work and sold everything. We were talking every day and both very excited building our home and business. I arrived in Thailand in January 2008. Having lived in London for over twenty years I knew it was not going to be easy for me to adapt to life in a rural farming village with 29 dwellings and 40 km from the nearest town which did not even have a Big C or Tesco Lotus. But this was an exciting time and we were both happy. I had a bit of a shock during my first week because there was a Thai man turning up to eat dinner with us. When I quizzed her about this she said while I was in London there were some bad people in the area and this man was camping in the garden to protect her. Different cultures and different customs I know. I said ok thank him but I'm here now and I don’t want him coming to dinner every night. I guess the seeds of doubt had entered my mind.

Well, we soon established a routine of her working in the minimart and I made some farang friends, although a number of kilometres away from me. I landscaped the garden and started playing golf. Life was good. It was most noticeable my wife had a huge drinking problem. Every day three or four large bottles of beer would be consumed and her craziness would return. I asked her about this and she said she had a history of drinking problems and every so often she would have to go to the temple to get away from the booze. Well this was all news to me. <Well you did marry her after only spending 3 weeks with her…Stick>

Anyway, after several months her drink and craziness was so bad she decided to do the temple routine. Things improved. But life for me was starting to get boring and I was playing golf five times a week now. With no prospect of work and the only internet connection available was via a satellite that was most unreliable or via a mobile phone which was not much better, life was not plain sailing. We expanded the minimart because she wanted to have a restaurant. Bad idea. The only customers were Thai men who loved getting drunk and my wife soon started drinking again. My Thai language skills are very poor and while pleading for my wife to teach me I got no help. I guess I was getting pissed off now due to her drinking and craziness and jealous seeing her drinking with Thai guys and not understanding what they were saying.

In October 2008 I saw a number of pills hidden in the laundry basket. More often than not I cooked for myself, cleaned the home and always did my own laundry- which was fine as she was running the shop. Anyway, I see these pills with pictures on them. I look at the internet and well you can guess what they were. I immediately packed my bags and headed to the nearest city with an airport. I stayed in the city for a number of days trying to collect my thoughts. After speaking to her on the telephone she was most upset and sorry and said it would never happen again. I went back to her.

She did the temple thing again and things started to improve at home but the seeds of doubt were sprouting.

In April 2009 the drinking returned, and a new Thai man appeared on the scene. He only drank Coke and visited every day and sometimes not buying anything. That’s when the constant telephone calls started to my wife. The telephone would ring ten or twenty times a day whereas before she would only get two or three calls a day. Then she started to close the shop in the afternoons and she said she was going to her farm. After a month I was getting fed up with the whole shitty situation, a drunk wife, chatting with Thai guys all day, not understanding the language, me being totally bored and now her talking all day to her new Thai friend. I said this has got to stop and I don’t want you talking or seeing this guy ever again. We have been living like this since April until last week.

I came back from golf last Wednesday afternoon and she said she was going to a funeral in the next village. No problem I said. I did not want to go as I was hot and tired. Well she did not come home that night and the following day I called her and she said the car got stuck and she would be home soon. I went to the village where the funeral was and it’s the same village where my farang friend lives. Well it appears she was at the funeral with the same man I said to stop seeing and they were drinking together all day. Where she spent the night I do not know. I went to the place where they were drinking and was told they had left together but would come back later. I went home backed everything I owned (2 bags) and drove to the next city. Everything is in her name including the car etc.

I have and do not want to speak to her yet. She went round to see my other farang friend at the weekend and while getting drunk she told him she had a son (WTF this is news to me) and he is in trouble with the police and this Thai man has been helping her. I am also hearing news that this man has moved into my home but this could be Thai gossip. Well now I'm holed up in a hotel room trying to plan my future.

I know I have made every mistake imaginable so far. Like marrying after only a brief period together, not getting to know what makes them tick, ignoring the warning signs, having all the assets in her name, not living in the village for a long period of time, not learning the Thai language, I can go on and on.

There are many issues to be resolved like the drunkenness, the isolation of living in a Thai village, the employment opportunities back home in my line of work are non existent, the visa issues if I remain in Thailand and many other factors. And I still have feelings for her.

I guess the point of this submission is to help me figure a way through this mess and hope others tread more carefully.

Stickman's thoughts:

I am sorry to say that marrying this woman so fast was something of a major blunder. From the sounds of it, this situation is unrecoverable. Your wife is a deceitful, drug-using, adulterous drunk and I personally do not see how your relationship can recover from this. The two of you are way too different and sadly, your generous, trusting nature has counted against you in this relationship. As I see it there is only one thing to do and that is to walk away. Don't look back. Walk away.