Stickman Readers' Submissions August 5th, 2009

Enjoying The Bar Scene

Welcome to the Land of Smiles (LOS), the place where all your dreams, and nightmares, can come true. Whether your trip is a dream or a nightmare is determined by how well you maintain your hold on reality while here.

Let me explain.

He Clinic Bangkok

When you step off the plane you enter a new country where you will experience things unlike anything you have ever seen before. Beautiful women will smile and say “Hello” to you, no matter where you go. If you have come from the west, this
will be exhilarating, exciting, amazing.

But don’t let it go to your head. These girls will say Hello to any man who looks like he might have more money than them. This is what they do. Be aware of this and you will save yourself a lot of heartache and a lot of money.

Don’t forget that you are still the same guy as you were when you got on the plane. You look the same. You act the same. The only difference is that most of these beautiful women have taken notice of the bulge in your wallet.

CBD bangkok

Remember this. If you forget it, that is when your troubles will start.

You are sure to meet a beautiful (to you maybe) woman soon after you get off the plane. She will smile, laugh with you, and make you feel very, very special.

Congratulations. You have just joined the best (and worst) game in the world.

How do I know?

wonderland clinic

I’ve lived in Thailand for 30 years. Been there. Done that.

But don’t let me burst your bubble just yet. What, you may ask, will happen after you meet this wonderful woman?

While the details may vary, the game doesn’t.

Unless you pick one of the very few women who believe that sex comes after marriage, you are going to be invited to share a bed with this beauty at some stage…probably sooner than later.

Before I describe what happens next, let me explain what happens when you meet a women who will not have sex with you soon after you meet her.


This paragon of virtue is not playing virgin for the sake of her morals.

Oh no. I’m afraid not. She, like all her Thai sisters, has no idea what morals are. You cannot afford to judge her motives by your Western standards. This is a whole new ball game and you had better make sure you are knowledgeable enough to play
the game. And that you are ready to play it to her rules.

She won’t have sex with you because she is after a much bigger prize. She sees you as a potential husband and father. This means that you will have to wait for the sex while she takes time to judge whether you are worthy of owning her only valuable
asset to the exclusion of all others.

Sounds mercenary?

Sure does. But that’s the reality of the mating game in Thailand. You play that game at your peril. And if you do decide to play, make sure you are well armed.

Find out everything possible about her. Go to her home village. Meet her parents and family. Check out her education and intelligence levels. Make sure that you share a lot of common interests. Ask yourself if this is the kind of woman you would be proud
to take home to meet mother, or to socialize with in front of your friends.

You might also want to set some simple tests to see if she is trustworthy and worthy of your love and affection….and your wallet. If she fails the tests, or if you begin to have doubts about her, listen to your intuition. It is sure to be right.

If there are too many questions and not enough answers there is only one route to take.


Or you will find yourself in a marriage made in hell. Eventually, you will pay dearly for that hard to get pussy.

They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Believe me, you can’t even conceive of the hell this girl will put you through if you disappoint her. She will castrate you, screw up your life, and unman you leaving you a quivering jelly of fear
if you let her down.

You don’t believe me?

Hah! Fool!!!

So if you do decide to stop the relationship make sure you make a completely clean break. Change your phone number. Move out of your hotel or apartment and go somewhere far away. If you don’t she will follow you and make your life hell.


Now, let’s say that you meet a bar girl instead. The sex is easy to get, inexpensive, and a lot of fun.

But there are rules here too.

It is essential to understand exactly what a bar girl is.

  1. She is a consummate liar. She will tell you sob stories that would melt the heart strings of Hercules. So don’t think that you are immune. You come from a different society where truth is truth and lies are lies. Those rules don’t apply in Thailand. The truth for her is whatever is most convenient or whatever you want to hear. Nothing else. So if she tells you a sad story about what a terrible life she has had; her Thai husband died and left her with a new baby; or she is a poor student trying to get enough money to continue her studies; or her father needs a knee operation so that he can keep working in the rice fields; or she disappears without explanation; She claims her mobile phone is broken so that you cannot contact her; She is going upcountry where there is no internet connection; or the buffalo just died and her family will starve if they cannot buy a new one….well, you get the picture. Everything she says is a lie! She’s a bar girl. This is what bar girls do to get money from you. Make sure you understand this and you will save yourself a lot of trouble.
  2. She is a toy. A bar girl is like a new toy. You can play with her, but when you have finished playing you must pay her to go away. You wouldn’t keep a hooker around back home. Why would you do it in Thailand? Just like you would discard a toy you have finished playing with you must be prepared to discard your bar girl as soon as you tire of her. You are under no obligation to her. You have hired her services. Use her, pay her to go away, and move on with your life. Pay her and she’s getting what she wants. There is no need to prolong the relationship.
  3. She has feelings, but they are not for you. Sure, bar girls are human beings too. Treat her with respect and you will have a great time with her. But at the end of the day you have hired her for sex. When that is finished she will leave you and go back to her real life, with quite possibly a husband, a kid or two, or a boyfriend in it. She may give you the ultimate girlfriend experience (GFE), but after you hand over the money the deal is done. Let her walk out of the door. Get on with your own life. You don’t need the complications you will invoke if you try to make a bar girl a part of your life. And no matter what she might say, any feelings she produces for you are extremely likely to be false.
  4. She is NOT different. No matter how hard you try to justify the way she behaves she is no different than her sisters in the trade. Her goal is to extract as much money from you as possible. But she is cunning and prepared to play a devious game to gain a large payoff at the end. You can justify her actions all you like, but if you have even the slightest question about her behavior then remember that there is usually fire where there is smoke. Even if you can’t see what is bothering you, the fact that you are even questioning her motives is your best indicator that something stinks. Listen to your instincts.

Bar Etiquette

Now that you know the type of prey you are hunting you need to know how to behave in her territory….the bar.

You walk into a bar and meet a girl you want to take out of the bar for some extracurricular fun. What do you do?

The bar fine

This is a fee you pay the bar to compensate the bar owner for the loss of her earning power while you take her elsewhere. It doesn’t matter why you are taking the girl out of the bar. As soon as she leaves she is no longer able to coax more drinks
out of other punters in the bar. So the bar fine compensates the bar owner for the potential loss of earnings.

Before you pay a bar fine, make sure you know exactly how much it is. Different bars set their own bar fine rate. But even more important, make sure you negotiate the services you expect the girl to perform before you even discuss the bar fine or her
fee. And always negotiate her fee before you pay the bar fine. Is it for ‘short time’, or ‘long time’ (all night).

Choosing a girl

Not all bar girls are wild whores in bed. They come in all shapes, size, abilities, and temperaments.

When you go looking for a bar girl be on the lookout for the ones who try to catch your eye first. They might smile at you as they gyrate around their chrome pole. Or they will greet you with a smile and perhaps even a handshake if they are not dancing.
A smiling girl is always a good bet. Not always, but often they are the ones you should choose. They are showing that they like the look of you, and that they want to go with you.

Don’t be too flattered. Bar girls have standards for the men they pick, just as we men choose our women. So if one catches your eye and she is easy on the eye, beckon her over and begin your ‘courtship’. This will consist of a series
of standard questions at first. “Where do you come from?”, “What is your name?” and so on.

After the preliminaries you can move onto the more important questions, like, “How much is the bar fine? Short time, or all night? How much for your services….etc”

But before you get there, you need to choose a girl who will give you a good time, so a smile is often a good way to start.

The dud

But even then there are no guarantees. Once you get her back to your hotel room there is always a chance that she is a complete dud in bed: A Starfish, who lies inert while you try to get interested.

What do you do then?

Cut your losses, get her out of your room with as little fuss as possible, and start your hunt all over again.

Some girls do not take rejection well. Even if you offer them a reasonable sum of money, but less than you agreed on, to leave they might dig their heels in and demand more. You need to make the final decision here. If she was totally unsatisfactory in
bed, but she stayed the length of time agreed on, you might decide to cut your losses, pay her what you agreed, and get her out of your room.

If she does not perform well, or at all, and she tries to leave ahead of the agreed time, then you can cut the amount you originally agreed to pay. Some girls will bitch and moan, but at the end of the day they know they are not keeping their end of the
bargain. Stand firm, but do not be obnoxious. Insist firmly that they take a reduced fee and urge them to leave. Whatever you do, don’t get physical. You don’t want the police getting involved. It will only cost you time, money,
and possibly even your freedom.

She might try hysterics or start throwing things. This is her way of provoking you. Don’t do anything stupid. Just stay calm, keep offering her the reduced fee and try to get her out of the door.

Often, they will demand additional money for ‘taxi fare’. There is no need to pay it. Why should you? Her travel expenses are more than compensated for in her fee. But if you feel like she deserves it then be generous and pay her 50 or 100
Baht extra. It’s up to you how much.

However, always remember that it is your money and you should be the only one to decide how you spend it. Reward a good performance. Punish a poor one.

When it is all summed up, you have come to Thailand to enjoy a holiday unlike anything you will get anywhere else in the world. You have probably saved hard for the year to get to LOS. So don’t waste your money. Choose a woman wisely and have fun.

Stickman's thoughts:

Lots of good advice there.

On the subject of negotiating the fee, I always suggest you negotiate BOTH a short time fee and a long time fee in advance. That way if she wants to leave or you want her to leave, the fee already been agreed. Agreeing to a long time fee and finding her wanting to leave early or you deciding you want her out can end up messy.

nana plaza