Readers' Submissions

Another Sticky Situation

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 15th, 2009
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

My head hurts. Sometimes I think like Dana, "C'mon, cut the shit! You mongers know that you're just here for a piece of ass. Wrap it any way you want to, it's PUSSY. Sweet, sour, shaved, bushy, tattooed, pierced, pickled…it's still PUSSY! Where's my catapult? Who stole my damn catapult?! " But then Korski creeps into my brain and I ponder the complexities and contradictions of life and further digress into contemplations regarding the symbolism of which carnal positions you Stickman readers prefer. You like anal? Hmmm.. With tits or without? Hmmm. Velly interesting. I will get back to you vith my findings.

AHHH, but the amusements don't end there. They are endless. Sometimes 3 a day. No, not emissions. Submissions! Am I in a quandary as to where to buy my shoes? Do I need to know what the weather is like outside of BKK? Well, I can count on Sawadee 2000 to fill me in. He has time to enlighten and amuse. If there's one consolation about reaching those "golden years" it is the slackening of that burning sensation that so drives the younger mongers. Those driven young men that must endlessly find a moist and dark place to extinguish the fire in their loins. But damn if it doesn't just pop up again in a few days…or hours! What is just a smoldering ember suddenly bursts into a raging flame when exposed to that fatal mixture…whiskey and a soft touch on the thigh by Susie Somtam.

Sorry, it's off to the village for me. Away from the distractions of the naughty night spots. I can just follow the advice of Sam who lives on 60 baht a day and is the patron saint of Nakhon Sucker. Or is it Suckim? Mai pen rai. See, he is even learning to speak Thai. Well, nit noi. hahahah. He tells me he's learning the customs like how to remove his shoes at Aunties house, and how the kids are so great and just laugh like crazy when he wais them. Eat your heart out, you cynical old timers.


But what's this? Something by Been There Done That. Sounds like he's been here a long time. He says, " Sure things have changed! What doesn't change? Maybe its you that have changed! Or maybe you NEED to change!" Oh… puat hua.


Wait a minute. Here is a submission titled It's All in your HEAD. I wonder what he means? Something about how it's all about one's perspective and how things change depending upon whether your head is up or down. He says coming to Thailand with the wife is going to bring lots of trouble. Says the head is going to want to be up a lot more than before and this will inevitably cause problems with the Mrs. who definitely will try to keep his head down. Hmmm. Maybe he needs to sit her down over his head.


But let's get back to me. Why the hell am I scribbling away like those lost souls on Stickman. Yes, you! Stickman addicts! (Don't you all have anything better to do?) But since you're here, maybe you can help me with my predicament: I want a real relationship..wonder if I can ever have one that lasts. Tired of all this running after something that doesn't look so great, usually smells, and often has an attitude to boot. I want to live far away from those sleazy tourist areas run by nasty Thais…but I keep getting drawn back. I can't climb Everest or race in the Grand Prix, but with a few bucks I can be James Bond. Double fxxken O Seven! Cruising down Walking Street I can spy on the dregs of society. Funny how with just a little effort I can blend right in!

Trouble is I got a pretty good woman coming to live with me. Thai wife? Been there. Thai GFE? Done that. Bonking some sweet young thing as she talks to her overseas sponsor? Well, er, yes I have… But now, you see, I got me a Philippine! Some time ago there were a few submissions extolling the virtues of Philippine maidens. As always, it depends on the individual, but here is what I encountered from my experience. My Pinay lacks many of the traits so enduring to our Thai lovelies. Namely; she has never been sour faced, whined, called me keenio, pouted or became moody when hungry or faces the slightest discomfort…or asked me to buy her family a buffalo. She IS affectionate and can carry a conversation about something other than food.

Have I given up on Thailand? I'm afraid it's too late for me. (sweet or not..it is home) I have had many of the experiences described by newbies and oldies alike. Once in a (long) while someone seems to get it right. Someone who has had enough VARIED experiences here over a longgg time. There's no shortcuts boys! That's why even after someone has been here 6 months or 6 years, it's useless to offer advice. "I hate advice, unless I'm the one giving it. And I never give advice cause nobody ever takes it." (Jack Nicholson). Someone who can make it here is the person who can look, learn, and adjust to the circumstances. Those of you who believe you are the great white bwana and expect to be treated as such…well, when things don't turn out your way…som nom na.

Old mongers retire to the village, or some go "home" from whence they came. No worries. There are thousands more ready to make the plunge. Thirsting to dip their phallic toes into the sea of sex. All will rationalize their behavior in one way or another…though there really isn't any need to. Which submitter reminded us that it don't mean shit what anyone else thinks. "Do your thing, boys. Your mates back home sipping tea are just jealous!" I do wish you could tone down your macho behavior a bit, and maybe shower a little more…but that's just selfish on my part. I am also judged by your behavior and farang kee nok is not such a pleasant joke.

Damn, I was going to tell you what my problem here is now…was going to ask for some feedback (sent to Korski, of course). Ah, what the hell. I'll just wait till I catch you on the Street. Better to philosophize over a beer and under a pair of legs, don't ya think? JingJing!