Stickman Readers' Submissions July 18th, 2009

Train Wrecks

(This submission was partly penned as a response to some points made by “Sikorski” a few days ago and elaborates on his statements re: the financial costs of mongering. I also want to thank Korski for his statistical inputs repeatedly. And a special thanks to Dana who has been documenting the monger lifestyle so eloquently and for so long. Who knew there was so much happiness to be had for a mere 500 baht? J)

Oftentimes we hear this expression on this website usually describing a relationship between a Thai woman and a western man heading for a disastrous ending. In a lot of cases this typically describes an older man marrying a young bargirl and making a substantial investment in a house over which he'll have no control as it has to be registered in her name. However this is not the only “train wreck” alluded to here. Other varieties include those who take a young Thai bride, bar girl or good girl, to the West and allow her to take advantage of an immigrant visa, which will enable her to escape Thailand then ditch the poor husband.

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In this scenario it can be a younger man too who perhaps misrepresented his wealth to her and then this serves as justification for said ditching.

In fact “train wrecks” happen in other instances too when for example the farang in a relationship runs a business in Thailand in the wife's name thereby letting himself open for financial blackmail and manipulation where he does not have any legal recourse in a strange land. And the list goes on and on.. Supporting her family, her children from a previous marriage, buffalos etc. and all the time spending his hard earned money for a return of…what? Well obviously if you're not a philanthropist you do want something in return..and in most cases it's steady sex in a safe environment, love and appreciation as a bonus and taking care of you in an old-fashioned way. For some it actually works out, for others it does for a while then things go belly-up.

The belly up is described as a “train wreck” but interestingly enough many people who make this point are not exactly without blemish either.

The other day a story was posted on a rival website and it depicts “train wrecks” in graphic terms which I could not do justice with my poor writing skills.

However it describes the lost souls of The Boulevard of Broken Dreams AKA Lower Sukhumvit who then often graduate to that seaside Sin City known as Pattaya. From there the only way for these flotsam and jetsam of farang wrecks is a swan dive from a high rise, a drug overdose or maybe a gentle execution by a jealous teerak. Funny thing is they're all found to have died due to natural causes by the Thai constabulary.

It needs to be pointed out that these very same pots calling the cattle black are in many ways much more of “train wrecks” then the ones they label. Perhaps they should be called “plane wrecks" as they all arrive by air to make their regular pilgrimage to Thailand or indeed retire there on a disability pension or whathaveyou and indulge in sex, booze and some even in drugs like ganja or maybe opium. Do they care about the consequences.. not on your life. Why should they, they got nothing to lose because they already lost their self respect back home. So they come to Thailand to swap their sob stories in a boozy stupor sitting on bar stools. They look down on those “train wrecks" who still hope for some semblance of family life, a chance for some stability even if there are offsets and a bit of piece and quiet away from their past mistakes. The “train wrecks" of lower Sukhumvit have a false bravado of has been sexual athletes fuelled by Viagra or Ciallis and pride themselves of their nightly conquests. These are the people who can't maintain long term relationships with the opposite sex and indulge in butterflying and being “macho”. These are the people who often ended up an emotional and financial basket case from a failed western relationship, a failed business venture and could not pick up the pieces. So what do they do..come to a country like Thailand to get some false sense of self worth which of course isn’t free.

So now I'm coming to the point. A confirmed monger who comes to Thailand regularly or decides to live there could possibly spend even more money that's unrecoverable than the man they describe as a “train wreck” who may pay a sin sod and buy a family home and give support to his extended family. Look at a monger who lives in BKK say paying 20k a month rent for a small flat in lower Sukhumvit close to the action… That’s already close to a quarter of a million baht a year just for rent and then add to it the cost of his mongering for the year. How much is that…as you can see you don’t have to be a finance git to get to a million baht just for proving that he still got his charm and be hansum. Over a 5 year period he could easily exceed the total of that other wreck who paid say 100K sin sod and built a house upcountry for a mill or so.. and even bought a pick up. And still what backup this farang monger has if he gets sick and needs some looking after or falls down in the bathroom in a drunken stupor, hits his head and there’s nobody around to help until they find him days later stinking up the place. Or take that of other monger, the travelling one who may come to Thailand once or twice or more often to make up for what he’s missing out on back home or even for three months on a sabbatical. Add up the cost of his air fares, hotel bills, land travel, holidays with hookers and bar fines and long terms and incidentals like gifts and shopping and how much does he end up spending? Then multiply that over the years and tell me he’s not a train wreck. Sure it’s still cheaper than a western divorce but we’re talking about Thai marriages here as compared to monger lifestyle. And I was still taking into account only the financial aspects because if I wanted to compare the two species in psychological terms guess who would come in second best?

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Furthermore should the “train wreck” who opts for marriage finds himself exactly that if things didn’t work out after say 5 years he still has the option of becoming a monger without financially worse off than the monger of habit. In other words he isn’t at the last train stop until he becomes a monger. Then it’s curtains.

Which one is the real “train wreck” then? The one who takes a punt on settling down and hoping for a bit of happiness or one who indulges in self pity and recriminations? Which one is with still some hope in his heart even if it's a gamble or the one who has nothing to look for except falling into bed with a boozy hooker night after night.

Train wrecks versus plane wrecks.. The sad fact is that Thailand is full of them. Most men come to Thailand are wrecks by definition, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

On Ellis Island and on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty this is part of the message that awaited immigrants to the US: “give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. “

This could be somewhat changed to suit the Thailand intending mongers to be displayed as they enter immigration at BKK Airport: “give me your tired bodies, your befuddled minds, your bulging wallets and aching balls so we can administer our version of Nirvana missing in your wretched shores.”

And as they exit the departure lounge with a silly grin on their faces and a hooker to cry crocodile tears, (if they managed to avoid the grim reaper in Pattaya), it should say : “So long suckers, come again”

Ps. There’s always the option of becoming a celibate monk, you can’t go wrong financially..

Stickman's thoughts:

I think the train wrecks are those who get themselves into a position where they cannot see what almost everyone else can – that their situation is about to change drastically for the worse.

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