My So-Called Good Thai Woman
Read your interesting article about the famous..infamous! Helen. I want to share my experience with your readers of my relationship with a "normal" i.e. non-bargirl Thai woman. When you get right down to the basics is there really any difference?
How many Thai women marry a poor farang!
I was introduced to a nice Thai woman by the Thai wife of my farang friend in late 2005. This woman was easy on the eye, 45 and had her own business. She was divorced and had a 14-year old kid. The ironic thing about this relationship, which I ended in mid 2006 is that she was not the one I was originally intended to meet, but the other Thai woman, an employee in the salon, was not there when my friend's wife brought me to see her. Sooo…the other Thai woman, owner of the business, who was also looking for a farang husband, quickly moved into play. I assumed at the time that she was the one originally intended! Yes, they all have a "plan" and they smile their way through it. Beware of the oriental smile!
During these visits I met her family, nice decent people and of course got stitched up to buy presents for everyone which cost me a few hundred quid but I felt at the time that it was the way it was done in Thailand and so be it! And yes, we were having a nice time in the bedroom also!
So we started seeing each other and on two subsequent trips to Thailand we became an item. I should mention that her English was not good but as I have some Thai we got along OK on that. In mid 2005 I brought her to England to meet my family and friends. At this stage marriage was seriously on the cards.
We had a nice time when she was here and had a house party to meet my family, my two grown-up kids and my friends. Then a curious thing happened! Quite coincidental but in the end it saved my ass! Here it is, the manipulative plan of a so-called "normal" Thai girl.
When she was here I met an old friend of mine and he told me he had married a Thai woman and they had had a son. This man is wealthy, met his wife in Bangkok, built her a house in Thailand and was now living with her in England. So me and my Thai girlfriend spent a weekend in his country house. Now this is important. In Thai culture, gossip, among the women, is an important part of their cultural survival kit. So my girlfriend confides some disturbing information about her situation in Bangkok to my friend's wife and OF COURSE my friend's wife cannot resist sharing it with her wealthy farang husband!
The man phoned me to warn me about the situation I was getting into. I confronted my Thai girlfriend but all I got was mai kaow jai, mai kaow jai. I don't understand! And surprise, surprise, suddenly her understanding of English disappeared!
So here's the story…
She had invested in a small tour operation in BKK including the purchase of a 15-seater tour bus and all on borrowed money. The bus was being driven, illegally, by her friend and unfortunately the friend crashed it, killed herself and the bus was a write off. Apparently in Thailand the family held my girlfriend responsible for the care of the dead woman's family and of course the money lenders were pursuing her for the loan. In Thailand you don't get polite letters from the bank. You get the heavies banging down your door! So what did my girlfriend need? A husband who in Thai law would be responsible for her debts! Alternatively, she hoped to marry a farang, get EU citizenship, leave Thailand and all her money problems behind!
I ended the relationship and have not got involved with any Thai women since. And just in case the more cynical are thinking "well he had a good time with her", let me assure you I've had just as good with western women. So don't let your hormones rule your brains!
Also I have known western women, my ex included, who were as manipulative and had hidden agendas just like any Thai girlfriend!
The most upsetting thing for me was that my only daughter took exception to my assignation with a Thai woman and has not spoken to me since.
There is a price to be paid for going outside your own tribe – know before you go and remember "The oriental smile can conceal a dagger!"
In money terms, air flights etc the whole fiasco probably cost me about 2,500 quid but it could have been worse!
You were lucky to get tipped off about her.
The way the Thais deal with this sort of thing is for a number of senior family members to get together at the discussions pre-engagement. There can be all sorts of highly personal questions asked and it is all about establishing whether the person to whom their relative is about to marry is worthy or not. It's also one reason why in the high society some families still like to choose a partner for their children. They're really conscious of marrying "the right sort".