Stickman Readers' Submissions July 13th, 2009

My Marriage

I have been married for 12 years and am in a comfortable relationship with a nice woman and have had thoughts in the past about leaving her for a different lifestyle.

Hi, I'm Brian! One or two of you may remember me in (it is what it is). Well at this present time in my life and that’s not to say it won't change, I feel that it is probably better to stay with someone you have been with for such a long period of time. After all, she is most likely very trustworthy and despite what fantasies you play out in your mind about other girls, you would miss her very much if she were no longer there. Having said that, I understand the feeling of wanting to sleep with other girls as most married men sooner or later just get plain bored of their wife and it's not because they are unattractive. It's just because it's the same and that’s what may make her appear to be unattractive.

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My situation is similar and for the last 2-3 years I have been going to parts of Asia to try and get my dream girls for short periods of time in order to satisfy. I think Stick got it right though in a recent article by saying the bar scene is destructive. It is, but it can help short term with your sexual needs. The biggest problem is going home and suffering from the withdrawal symptoms, especially in the first few weeks. But as long as you don't email or call her you can get past it. The way I look at it is that there is always someone younger and more attractive anyway so you should always have a turn over of ladies as getting stuck on one will hurt you. Having said that, if you do fall for one in particular you have to ask yourself where you think this will be in 5 years. The reality is nowhere and lots of money lost and a waste of that part of your life.

Stick's conclusion on my previous submission states that my heart is clearly not in my marriage and that you only live once. Well in some respects he is correct about that but at the same time life is not always that simple and leaving someone to follow your heart can destroy theirs. So it's a difficult balance and one I still haven't got right just yet. On the one hand I love spending time with my wife and trust her but on the other I don't feel attracted to her and I lust for other women. I am allowed to travel twice a year for short trips to Asia to meet my selfish desires and my wife tells me it's ok even it hurts her so I asked her would it not be better if we were to separate. She said no because for her marriage is a lot more than just sex and she would feel devastated if we were not to work out. I'm not sure where this will lead me but in the meantime I am determined to stay in my marriage for as long as I feel it can keep going. After all, I would rather spend 5 more years with my wife than waste 5 on a girl who takes all my money and leaves me feeling empty. When all is really analysed honestly, the reason we are doing this is all about sex anyway and how much we desire other women because we have not yet experienced them. Yet the reality of being in a relationship with other girls is not fully understood because we haven’t spent long periods of time with them and seen them at their worst. Could you ever really trust a woman you met in a bar, particularly when you will be away from her and back to reality in the first place because you need to return to work back home. That feeling you get when you first start sleeping with someone (I call it love buzz) will recede with time anyway, no matter how attractive she is. Then you are faced with the person's day to day character. In the end she will most likely make you not feel more happy than you are now.

For me, I have been to Thailand and Bali for my short trips. I have not been back to the Philippines since 1994 and before I was married, the reason being I love Pinay girls so much and it might be far more difficult for me to extricate myself from a situation as I find I can connect much more easily with these ladies. I find them the most attractive. I really like Thai ladies but haven’t found myself easily connected to them but I really enjoy their short term company. I have found also Indonesian girls really sweet to be with but the same as with Thai girls so far any connection.

By the way, I highly recommend any guys seeking fun to give Bali a go. It seems nothing on the surface but it is easy to find freelance girls in the discos and they are so easy to be with and I have had some great experiences.

In conclusion, there is no easy fix but fool on the hill said that his Thai wife was with him for 12 years and from what I have read so far, a Thai staying with a farang for 12 years seems like a miracle! So keep your wife and have your bit on the side, mate! After all, the odds are not good that another Thai girl would stay with you for that long!

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