So What Makes Her A Bargirl?
Now that I have your attention, I wanted to title this piece "Am I making a big mistake?"
I don't live in Thailand as yet, I make good money here in Farangland, I would relocate permanently to LOS or other places in SEA at the drop of a hat if I could make the same money. I am early 40's and did live and work as an expat in SEA for a few years when I was in my 20's. So I have an expat's vision and can live with an Asian hongnam and eat pet pet. Learned to speak Bahasa and acquired a taste for Asian girls as well as some other bad habits.
Message for Stick, I have some insight into "good guys gone bad" as you referred to in your 25/5 weekly. I saw it as a deterioration of values or degeneration of a person and their behaviour and attitudes. Largely influenced by other expats. I am guilty of this myself to some extent. Want me to contribute more on this? <Sure do! – Stick>
When I first arrived in Asia in 1993 I was early 20s' and had never paid for sex before in my life. I remember going to work one day and saying to the boss "are we going to leave that prostitute in our house?"
He replied "Relax mate, she has got a heart the same as us."
This is something I will never forget, we are all human.
In 2001 whilst I was between wives, 1st wife farang and (future) 2nd wife Asian, I had my first conversation with a nearby neighbour ("Mat", who is the same age as me) whom I had not previously met, over a few beers he mentioned that he was going to Thailand in a few weeks for the first time, to meet some mates that had been English teaching in Japan. Conversation as follows:
ME: yeah I've been to Thailand a couple of times.
Mat: Oh yeah?…What's if like?
ME: Well… it depends on what you like and where you are going…So where are you going anyway??
Mat: They tell me it is a place called Pattaya Beach, do you know it?
ME: HHHhhhmmmm… Yeah I've been there (never spoken to this guy before, what should I say?)
I had spent 6 months on a job in Rayong. So I tried my subtle as a sledge hammer approach
ME: Do you like to drink a lot of beer?
Mat: Oh hell yes!!
ME: And do you like to screw whores?
Mat: Well…HHhhmmmm…yes…..OH HELL YES !!!!
ME: and I quote "Well, you are going to have a very, very good time"
And Mat did have the time of his life, Mat went back to Patt a few months later. Upon his return I suggested that if he was going to make a habit of these trips he should really learn to speak Thai, and he did.
Over the next few years I got to hear Mat's Thai improve as well as his photography. And all his Pattaya stories.
I was, by this time, with my beautiful Asian 2nd wife and very happy. Or so I thought!!
But I still kept hearing about those Pattaya trips…Mat went to Bangkok/Pattaya at every opportunity, 3 to 4 times per year. And as Mat's Thai improved, so did the trip reports. AAahh, The fond memories of those small, hairless, silky skinned, eager to please Thai girls just would not go away.
Well…if I ever get the opportunity I may go back to Pattaya…Just one more time.
THE LAST STRAW was Mat's story about a bar in Bangkok that had a yellow line through the middle of it. You all know it! The Eden Club.
And in 2004 all the stars came into alignment. The lovely Asian Mrs. was off to see her child and family and I was off to Pattaya for my 1st dedicated mongering holiday ever, the two week millionaire. Just one last time…just had to check out Eden Club.
Got away with the 2004 trip but I went to extraordinary lengths to cover my tracks.
So… in 2006 I tried my luck again, not so rosy with 2nd wife at this stage, so I did not take as many precautions, especially with the old heart.
I met Pboo in Pattaya, still can't figure her out, was she genuine or has she studied the advanced course of Tanakarn Dern (walking bank- see "stickmanbangkok.com" 30-09-2001)
The fist words that Pboo ever said to me were "thank you for choosing me" (she spoke in English). I asked her if she would like a drink and she said "not at this bar coz it will cost you too much money, buy me a drink at another bar, it will be cheaper for you." I paid her barfine and took her to another bar where she asked for Coke as she said she don't drink alcohol. Half way through the Coke she says that she wants to go back to my loom, if I want drink more beer we can buy from 7eleven.
Back in the loom Pboo tried to bare back me but I was not going there, I still had the wife somewhere- I don't know where she was at this time. Pboo satisfied me a couple of times and in a couple of different ways and then asked me if I would like her to give me a massage…well yes, that would be nice (all included in the price).
I said good-bye to Pboo in the morning.
A few nights later, when I was staggering back to my hotel due to a rare Pattaya drunken strike out, I inadvertently walked by Pboos' bar and she just leapt into my arms and the next thing I know she was bare backing me, all her fault of course, I had nothing to do with it, was just laying there. (3 months of uncertainty coming up) She made me feel like a king while I was there, nothing was too much trouble, is there something more I want her to do for me??
This is Pboo's storey as she told it to me:
Pboo was from Bangkok- parents separated when she was 18 and neither of them wanted her. She had been rejected by both her parents and the King is her father now. Worked at various jobs in BKK including cashier at 7eleven. Saved enough money to come to Patt to see the beach for 1st time, sharing a loom with friend.
Pboo could not figure why so many lady had Farang BF.
Pboo decided that she wanted farang husband and there is too much farang in Pattaya. So she made the move to the Pattaya Bar industry. When I met her she claimed to be 28 years old, no children, her fist time work Pattaya and only working in the bar for two weeks, I was only her 4th farang. Pboo made it clear from the outset that she was trying to find a husband. Said she did not want to be sent a monthly allowance, just give her THB 100,000 and she could buy this small salon business she had her eye on and she could support herself and would wait for me to return for her. In support of her claims to low mileage she had: average mobile phone, average English, bad breath, unshaven pussy, no motor bike, could not use a computer although she was taking lessons and trying to learn. I gave her a hotmail address but never got an email from her.
Pboos' detractors to her claims of low mileage: may have had a 2nd phone that I did not see, pubic hair does grow back, she knew the price of motorbikes and knew her way around Pattaya. There is also the issue of the tattoo across her lower back that did not look recent, are large tattoos common for Thai girls that don't work in bars? Also the matter of having no family that I could go and visit to check things out.
Pboos' storey (if you can believe it, maybe it is true, not sure myself)
Well, when I had to leave Pboo and go to the airport to get my flight home, she called me on my Thai cell number to tell me that she is mine if I want her, she loves me.
I got on the plane and went home knowing that she was getting dressed to go back to the bar and sleep with the next farang that came along. I really felt like a heap of shit to just throw her back to the conveyor belt, I actually felt sick, she is after all, a person. My 1st Pattaya GFE. I Have never seen her since, I wish her good luck. I hope she has made a good wife for some other guy.
Got caught out by 2nd wife for going to Thailand
Marriage totally fucked up…
So…Back to Pattaya for some THB1000 per night marriage counselling…Highly recommended to get a bloke back into perspective. Yummy
Met an intriguing little piece of Isaan in soi6 (ST place) I LT'd her and had a great time. Told me she was 21 years old but later found out that she was 19, 2 years younger (spoke great English) Went to her village 2 months later, after 5 days I found that I was drinking her other boyfriends money. She loved ME ( I was younger) but she loved his money. She had so many skeletons in her closet that they were starting to breed and she was running out of closet space. Got out of there in one piece, touch and go at one stage, oh… and had a nice time spending another farangs' money. She was my special plaything and I was her special customer. At the ripe old age of 19 this little lady was already a veteran BG with a lot of miles on the clock, she just needs to perfect her lying technique, she could have learned a lot from my 2nd wife!
I had no heart problems when I left this little Isaan girl at the airport. She told so many lies that she did not know the truth anymore.
SO, WHAT MAKES HER A BAR GIRL? (Am I making a big mistake?)
Has she made a career choice or is she a victim of circumstance? The farang will probably never know.
Me and my fellow mongering mates have come up with a few indicators to approximate how long she has been in the profession and how successful she has been, but we must take care, this can be easily and deliberately distorted by a clever girl:
1- the mobile phone, the successful BG will have a nice new phone although she may try and hide it from you and only produce an old crappy one when you get to loom Take note of the phone she uses when you first see her at the bar "that was my friends' phone" it's always the friends fault
2- English, Bargirls' English is poor, due to their lack of education, due to their parents lack of money. They learn their English in Pattaya from farang or from farang money. If their parents had money they would not be in the bar. Ability to use a computer and the internet are in this same category. My Soi6 Isaan sweetie had her own laptop and internet connection.
3- The Motorbike. If BG has a motorbike in Pattaya it should be another indicator as to her mileage. If she has motorbike in Pattaya but her village is 8 hours bus ride away it would indicate she is a career Pattaya BG.
Am I making a big mistake
Around 1 year ago.
She was standing outside the bar wearing a pretty, white, conservative dress. Looking a bit out of place among the sawn-off denim minis and micro shorts worn by all the other girls around the place. I will call her "Da". . I offered her a drink and she had just the one coke although I offered more and had 3 beers myself. She was 24 Y/o and had a 5 y/o child. Da had just arrived in Pattaya and it was her 2nd night working in the bar. She agreed to come with me for THB1000.
Da admitted to having worked bar in Pattaya once before when her child was les than 12 months old, but on that 1st tour of duty, in less than two weeks, she was long, long timed by John form Germany. The relationship/sponsorship continued for 5 months until Johns' Thai wife found out. During these 5 months Da had returned to her pre-bar, pre-child job as a factory worker. When this relationship ended, Da continued factory work for several years. I have never heard of another bargirl going back to normal work unless accompanied by a lot of sponsorship money.
Back to that first night…We strolled back to my hotel being careful to avoid the bar where the previous nights LT worked (I had promised to return). Stopped at the 7eleven to stock up with cabin supplies, it was fairly early in the night and I was planning on a "night in" I noted that Da had not added anything to the shopping basket for herself so I asked her if she wanted anything or if she was hungry "No thank you". An experienced bargirl will usually add a little something or two to my basket full of Heineken, e.g.: tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant, nail polish remover, anything to take advantage of the open farang wallet.
Back in the room I had the feeling that I had procured a domestic servant and not a GFE bargirl, Oh, she promptly packed all the beer into the fridge and picked up and folded all by clothes (not unusual for many BGs). She then just sat down on the edge of the bed to await instructions. The usual Bargirl M.O. is to grab the TV remote and watch/listen to TV or start texting/talking on the cell phone. First instruction was that I wanted to take a photo of her in that pretty white dress with my nice new camera. Oh…Da knew what the 1,000 baht was for, we had already had the sir-moke (BJ) negotiation at the bar.
Da was compliant but disappointing in bed (I noted the unshaven pussy), not like the previous nights BF (23 y/o) who had tried to grind me into dust and seemed to take pleasure and pride in her work, unfortunately for her I had taken my 36 hour vitamin V hahaha (Calis), and I'm not a small boy down stairs…Oh …sorry I digress.
Well it was a long night in as we had retired early, Da did not complain about being bored (like any good domestic servant). We engaged in an almost meaningful conversation, Her English was better than my Thai. I had a small map of Thailand and I asked her to show me where she came from. As it turned out, her village was not that far from Pattaya. I made the suggestion "hey, let's go and see your family tomorrow" I was not sure if I was serious, but she pulled out her cheap, old, crappy cell phone and called her parents to say we were coming the next day.
Next Day: In the morning I got a phone call from my neighbour "Mat" (see above). He was somewhere in Isaan with his Thai wife and their newborn child. I told Mat about my latest conquest/addition – Da was still in the room at the time- and Mat suggested that maybe I should give her another night to see if she could thaw out a bit when she felt more comfortable with me. Hhhmmm…yeah…maybe I should give her another night. We did not go to her village that day but we did go to the Hospital where we both had HIV tests. This was not my first trip to the hospital with a girl for a HIV test but it was the first time I had done it BEFORE going bareback.
Well we both felt like celebrating that we had both been tested as HIV negative. I had already decided that I would retain Da for at least one more night. While we were out and about enjoying a Pattaya afternoon, we passed a taxi hawker shop, I asked Da to find the price for a taxi ride to her village , answer was 1,500 baht. Well thinks I, "it cant be that far" so lets go tomorrow. Da Then informed me that, although we could get a taxi to village, we could not get a taxi back, as there were no taxi in her village. Hhhmm thinks me?? don't like the sound of that! "How about we rent car and drive" says I. "Can you drive car?" asks Da. "Well yes" says I.
That same night we arranged a rental car and I drove in Thailand for the first time the next day. I made the mistake of letting a woman navigate, 4 Hours to get there and only 2 hours to get back. So I spent 1 night in her village, took her father and child for a drive in the car into the bigger town to by rice for father and bicycle for child. Father slaughtered 2 of his most tender Gai (chicken) in my honour. I watched Da help her father to bleed, pluck and gut the chickens, she was not scared of the dirty work . Da was squatting down in the mud wearing nothing but a sarong and slippers (flip-flops, jandals, thongs. don't want to give away my nationality) when the thought struck me that I was watching a simple Thai village girl doing Thai village things.
I slept with Da in the family house/shack. There were no signs of wealth, no signs of filthy farang money, they had a TV but no DVD player or VCR, no radio or HiFi, just enough to survive. However the father did own the land; about 1 hectare and they could produce a feast for the village without spending a baht. Da shared a small wardrobe with her sister and daughter, no problem as they did not have much to put in the wardrobe anyway
The next day we returned to Pattaya. On the 2 hour return journey Da asked me "so, do you like me"? I replied that she was good lady for everything except one thing so Da asked what this one thing might be "you are not so good for boom boom" I replied "what can I do" asked Da " do you think you can improve in the boom boom department"? I enquired, Her answer was a simple "Yes" I told her that I was a demanding sexual partner and asked if she thought she could accommodate me "Yes"
During the drive I was still trying to put my finger on what made Da different from the multitude of BGs I had been with over the years. In a moment of clarity I recalled a little motto developed by me and my mongering mates "you rent the body and you get the soul thrown in for free" other mongers might refer to this as the "Girl Friend Experience" Da was either unable or unwilling to put up this kind of ACT. With many a BG you become "Teerak" upon payment of barfine and let the GFE games begin, not so with Da, she never called me Teerak.
Da told me that she will "stop work if I want she stop" Well we all know what this means, I must support her. This girl had only been on the game for 2 days before I met her (plus her previous tour) I stayed with Da for the remainder of my time in Pattaya. Da mentioned that her main reason for returning to Pattaya was to find a Farang husband.
I had heard that the is a charge payable to bar it Lady stops work to go with farang, I asked Da about this while at her bar, she made the enquiry and was informed that the charge was 3000 baht.
I made an executive discussion, I told Da to go back to her village and I will take care her. She went back to loom to pack bag. How long should it take to pack bag for a girl that had been it Pattaya for less than a week? She was back in 20 minutes with 1 bag that contained everything she owned. I had already been to her home village and she had nothing much there. It had been a couple of days since we had been to her bar to pay the barfine, we did a few calculations and found that the amount of commission Da was due to collect from the bar was far less than the 3000 baht she would have to bay the bar for leaving. I suggested that she just do a runner and not go anywhere near that bar (or any other bar) ever again, Da agreed that this was the best course of action. Seemed like she could not get away from Sin City fast enough.
I got my plane home. On the way to the airport I got the taxi to drop Da and her bag at the bus stop.
I called her regularly on her cell phone, my cell phone, I had given it to her as hers was so old and crappy. There were no land lines anywhere in her village, I had been there and seen this for myself. On most occasions when I called I could hear the sounds of the farm and family, I was satisfied that I knew where she was.
I planned to return to stay with her in her village in late November 08 but a bunch of people in yellow shirts delayed this. I got there for a reduced stay later in December. All went well, I had great relaxing time, I was more than Teerak now and Da did her best to please me in every way possible and was a willing student in bed.
I had been sending money to Da. I had suggested that she buy motor bike prior to my arrival as there was no transport in her village. She got ripped off on a 16,000 baht 2nd hand thing. This bike would normally sell for over 20,000 so she thought she had a bargain. Although it was fairly new it had been thrashed to death. Lesson learned, I told Da to get if all fixed up properly prior to my arrival. The motor bike cost the best part of 4,000 to get repaired, we now know why it was cheap. It is still going well by the way. The purchase of the motor bike has enabled Da and family (female) to do more contract farm work (harvesting) as they are no longer restricted to the farms within walking distance. Das' neighbours thing she is mad, why go work farm if you have farang money? She replies that she has two arms and two legs the same as everyone else. Maybe she just does it to impress me. I don't throw money at her, I don't even have to mention anymore that "Nobody sends me money, I have to work for it" . I do not send a monthly allowance, she must tell me what she needs and why, I have never refused her. I truly believe that Da really does want a husband and father for her child and to have more children and she wants this more than money.
I have recently returned from another stay with Da. The relationship is better than ever. I applied the thumb screws to Da and got more of the story (history) out of her. She did not enjoy this much. She was expecting me to be angry or want to finish with her but I surprised her by thanking her for telling me. So she then surprised me by telling me a whole lot more, none of it involved bar work or pussy vending, but she was clearly ashamed of a few things. One such shameful thing was the confession that she had finished school just before her 16th Birthday due to the families lack of funds.
Da now has a visa to visit my home country.
So, what makes her a bargirl?
Is there some invisible line, that once crossed, makes redemption impossible? And where is that line? Is it the first time she engages in a commercial sex?
I believe that there is a blurry line of some sort. Many girls have crossed it, they can easily be found a short time places. These girls are untrusting and untrustworthy often due to the previous treatment by the former men in their lives farang and Thai both. Many a bargirl has waited for a boyfriend that never came back and discovered that sponsorship money does not equal commitment.
These girls have great survival instinct, better than ours. They will be encouraged by other girls to take the sponsorship money and keep working as the farang "has not married you yet". Take the sponsorship from as many as you can and keep working.
This blurry, invisible line does vary depending on the individual. I personally know of one girl (a close friend of Das' ) who had a husband and 3 children when I first met her in the village. After the departure of the husband this girl went to work bar in Pattaya. When I met her again on my recent trip, there was a definite change in her and it was there for all to see and this was after one six week tour. I have 'before and after' pictures of her and it even shows in the photos. Da was in tears after seeing what had become of her close friend. When I mentioned to Da that this might have happened to her if I had left her in Pattaya she began to physically shake and then vomited "my friend has forgotten what a Thai lady should be"
I would quickly agree that committing to a relationship with a bargirl is a bad idea in most circumstances. The chances of coming to grief are much greater than the chances of success. If a farang knows Thailand well he could probably know when he has a good one (as I believe did). But then again If you spend enough time incountry to gain this knowledge you will undoubtedly meet a lady who is not from a bar, as I did with 2nd wife and still came to grief.