Readers' Submissions

Get Past The Bars

  • Written by Anonymous
  • June 27th, 2009
  • 9 min read


After nearly 5 years of living in Thailand my company is moving me to a new location. Despite the ups and downs I have to say that having lived for 5 years here on an expatriate package it has been absolutely the privilege of a lifetime and I feel truly blessed and honoured that I have had this experience. I am so lucky to have had this time in Thailand as so many people in the world will never truly know or understand just how good life can be for a single man.

I wanted to originally write one long coherent submission about some thoughts and advice from my time in Thailand but this was difficult to do. Instead I have broken it down into separate points and I apologise if these are somewhat random in sequence and content.

Don’t fall in with the wrong guys

For the first 3 years I was in Thailand I fell in with what I would now have to call the “wrong” crowd. They showed me how to party in the bars and told me about Thai girls and how the system works. Rarely a day would go by that I didn’t have sex with a new girl (I was burning through 100,000 baht a month on girls alone). It was always very obvious to me what the game was about and I never came anywhere near close to getting involved with a girl from the bar. I have gone long time with bargirls maybe 3 times in 5 years and very rarely got the same girl twice.

The problem with being with these guys is that I ended up thinking every Thai girl is a liar and that they are all bad and only interested in your money and noticed that these guys' perceptions of Thai women was solely related to the girls from the bars. They all believed (and still do) that all of the so-called good girls only wanted to get married and would tie you down. Their perception of women has unfortunately become totally warped.

Find the right people

About 2 years ago I met a guy that completely changed my view of Thailand and Thai girls and ultimately Thai culture. It is such a shame that most visitors and more so the long term expatriates never make it past the bar scene…seeing this new side of Thailand and Thai girls has been the true privilege and the whole bar / freelancer scene just pales in comparison and although I enjoyed it, it seems now like wasted years.

The guy in question introduced me to the world of Thai girls looking for no strings attached fun and there are absolutely loads of them…some with Thai husbands some with Farang husbands and some who are single and just looking for fun. Girls that are looking for 2 guys at the same time and girls that are looking for threesomes and foursomes and more. Some weeks have gone by where I have met a new and different girl everyday and all were “civilians” as I now term them.

Many people say that Bangkok has changed since the “good old days” and they are right it has changed and changed for the better. If you have not been able to keep up with the times and adapt to the change then you have missed out. The change is the move from a conservative nature to a much more open and sexual nature and the hunting ground is mostly the internet.

My Changed View of Thai Sexuality

I don’t want to talk here about marrying a good girl from an office and what a great wife they will make. I want to talk about normal Thai girls (and Thais in general) and their attitude towards sex. Make no mistake, despite the outside illusion of being “conservative” these people are obsessed with sex and they absolutely love it. Go to any short time hotel (of which there are many all over Bangkok and I am talking Thai ones not Farang places like PB and Playboy) at 7pm and just observe… You will see car after car after car after car driving into these places. These are nearly all office workers having affairs (you don’t take your wife to a short time hotel). The term mia noi and gik is just so common and accepted here and the sex industry is just so huge…many countries have the same poverty as Thailand and even the same religion but nowhere on earth is the sex industry or focus on sexual pursuits on the same scale as Thailand. It is not just about the money although that plays a big part. Aside from the money they love sex and have a completely different attitude towards it than we do in the west.

Thai girls love to play the “conservative” card but don’t be fooled by this as it is just a face saving measure. I brought a girl back to my place recently and had her sat next to me on the sofa (holding a pillow across her as they always do for the first 20 minutes or so while they start to relax). I started to touch her leg and she asked me to stop so I said ok sure. Then she moved a bit closer. I put my hand on her thigh and she let me rub her leg for a minute and said ”I am a good girl, I don’t do that”, so I stopped again. Then she put down the pillow and touched my hand, so I started to touch her leg again closer to the top of her thighs and moving up to her chest…she grabbed my hand and said (under very heavy breath) don’t do that I am a good girl…again I stopped but this time she grabbed my hand and thrust it up her top and onto her breasts…all the time she was saying how bad I was for doing this and how good girls don’t do that…by the time she forced my hand down to her crotch she was absolutely soaking through her jeans!!! The whole time she was complaining that she was a good girl, but she absolutely loved it. She has been in the stable for 6 months now and comes over 2 or 3 times a month. She is an accountant and her family want her to marry a Chinese guy and could never accept a farang…she just wants pleasure and some companionship while she waits for Mr. Right. Just a true story to illustrate what I mean.

My Current Situation

I have a regular stable now of 6 girls, all of who have nice office jobs and look exactly like the everyday girls you see making their way to work. Indeed what I find such a turn on is the things these girls get up to and how open they are and yet when you look at them they appear like the good girls that so many guys believe are untouchable or only want to get married. All of these girls know about the regular girlfriend but not about each other and they are fine with this. The girlfriend is happy to pretend not to know but I am sure she does. There is no expectation of money and they are not motivated by this at all. They basically want a sexual need fulfilled and want to be made to feel like a woman while they wait for Mr. Right to come along. Many of them don’t particularly want to be married to Farang (one actually dislikes Farang even though she is banging me on a regular basis!!) but they feel that Farang men are much more discreet and less likely to be a hassle or problem for this kind of situation. Also for some girls we are (believe it or not) still a bit exotic to them. You need to treat the girls well and take them for dinner and cinema and give the part time illusion of love and romance so don’t expect to save any money by going down this road, but to me it is just so much nicer and more of a turn on than the hooker scene.

On top of the regular girls I also meet new girls at least once or twice a week. In some cases I have had referrals from previous girls to their friends. These friends just wanted to “try” a Farang and after the deed was done I never heard from them again. I am a very average looking guy but I always dress very well, do not drink or smoke and I am in really good shape for my age, 39.

Interacting with Thai Girls

I still don’t quite understand why so many Thai girls are accepting of the above situation but I think it has something to do with the ratio of eligible guys in Thailand compared to women. I think the population ratio is something like 55% women to 45% men. Of that 45% probably 10% are gay or katoey, 10% are in prison and maybe 20% are just completely useless. It is like Thai women have completely accepted and embraced the reality that they need to be mia nois or giks to get any satisfaction.

The women here have no respect for weak men and will tear you apart at the first sign of weakness. Men in Thailand have no reason to accept second best and Thai women know this. You must be the dominant male and assert your dominance at all times. If they get moody or difficult sever the relationship and either A) be done with it or B) watch them come crawling back (believe me they will).

My Point Being

So many men that come to live in Thailand never make it past the bar scene and past the warped point of view that all girls are only after your money and essentially conniving wenches. You do need to be careful but until you get this perception out of your mind you will never go far with the real ladies here and will have only a very limited experience of this wonderful place (indeed you will only scrape the surface). Be warned by the stories that you read on sites such as this and from fellow expatriates but think for yourself and recognize that this applies only to a small percentage of Thai females but that percentage are found in one concentration, which is the bars. And if you never make it past the bars then you have truly missed out. It has taken me five years to finally work out Thai women and Thai sexuality and then I only found out by meeting the right guy. Do yourself a favour and don’t fall into this same trap that I did.

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals