Readers' Submissions

Dating Indonesian Girls

  • Written by Aaron
  • June 3rd, 2009
  • 13 min read



I am a 29 year old man from northern Europe. I live in Europe but I visit in Asia often and will take paid leave on absence there later on this year. I have an experience of relationship with Thai bargirls. I have experience of relationships with Asian women in Europe. I'm not a loser or ugly man who can not get a woman in my own country. And it's not the point even. I am just describing myself a little bit before my story.

I have been meeting an Indonesian 22 years old woman who has a baby. I really found her in the bar in January 2008 and I intended to keep her only one night. Somehow I fell in love with her. She couldn't speak English and I was so crazy that somehow I kept contacting her and I learnt Indonesian very quickly because I was bored to talk with her friend. In the summer 2008 when I was seeing her I realized that she was so eager for money that I had to get rid of her. She really did stop working in the bar. That was surprising how much she wanted money compared to Thai bar girls who actually don't stop working even though they claim it, as we all know. Yes I was a bad guy I left her. I did not have a choice. I have been telling her for a long time that she has to find a man who can really support her with the amount of money she needs. She wanted a new house, car etc. And of course, the small child needs a lot of money and she was not my child and the father of the child didn't support her.

I created a profile on a website made for Indonesian people dating. I was surprised that I received notes from over 100 women interested in me within few days being a member. Finally the amount was 400 in the month I had a membership. Those women were mostly educated and they had good jobs. Talking with them was really different from Thai bar girls or different from my Indonesian bar girlfriend. I compared that cupid to Thai one and noticed that prostitutes had very short description of themselves. In Thai cupids there is about 90 percent those short profiles but in Indonesia only 10 percent. I got those girls' email addresses. I got their Facebook and Friendster addresses. There I saw pictures of their company, pictures of their family houses. I was sure most of them were middle or high class women with a decent job.

Some of them got my phone number and even asked when I intended to come to Indonesia. Two girls surprisingly remembered me after months and even sent text messages asking the day I would come to Indonesia. Those girls were Anna and Nadya. There was also other girls wishing me to come but they didn't have my number and they didn't know accurately when I would go.

A month ago I finally decided to meet some girls that I had communicated with via Indonesian dating sites. I was in Bangkok and took the flight to Jakarta, the city I had been three times before. I had actually two choices. Would I meet Anna who lives in Jakarta or Nadya who lives in Serpong, 30 km out of Jakarta. In Jakarta there would be lot of hotels but in Serpong I had no idea. Anyway, I decided to meet Nadya. Because I didn't have any idea of hotels in Serpong area, I would need to contact Nadya. When arriving in Soekarno-Hatta airport at midnight I felt desperate. This time there was not my sweet but money eager honey jumping on my lap. And I had no card to call Nadya.

After exiting Customs there were lot of men grabbing me and asking what I wanted and trying to offer their services. All the kiosks seem to be closed. I told them I needed a phone card. A man told he could find me one. Soon a 14-year old boy came with a SIM card. Everything seemed to be for sale in this 3rd world country. I guess it wouldn't work and ignored it. Then I needed a taxi or somebody who could say if there were any hotels in Serpong. Of course, I found many eager to help me for money. Finally, I went to an illegal taxi and agreed an overrated price. He would know the hotel already. I assumed that it would be better. Metered taxi maybe only drive around collecting money to the meter without finding any hotel in purpose. The illegal taxi drove to dark roads of suburbs of Jakarta. Everything looked more like Mexico than Asia. I was afraid. Maybe the driver would only rob me or take me to some bad place. Finally, I saw a small counter that was a phone shop open at 1 o'clock in the night. They spoke only Indonesia and that was the first time I needed my language skills. I bought the phone card and they were very friendly and made the phone work with the new card. They were wondering and laughing to bule (farang) customer who was in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night buying a phone card. They captured a photo of me and perhaps, now I am on the wall as a portrait next to Suharto? Those people in the shop advised me a hotel. Unfortunately, it was full and they advised me another one. It took hours for the taxi to get to the hotel. My idea to take an illegal taxi was wrong again. Lost money and time. Finally, a moped boy drove in front of the taxi and showed the taxi the way tp the hotel where I got a room. In the room I sent a message to Nadya and we made an appointment for the next day.

Alone in the night trying to sleep in a strange place, I started to regret my idea to come dating girls alone in a strange land. I missed my Indonesia ex GF and even missed being in familiar Thailand with a bar girl in my bed.

In the next day afternoon Nadya came to my hotel. I took her for lunch and a movie. She was gentle but rather quiet. After hours being together we felt comfortable with each other and she came to take a rest in my hotel room. I didn't regret anymore dating decent girls. I didn't got more than a kiss but she had to go home to take care of her little sister for the night. She also told that she can see me only for a few hours in the next few days because she would work in the company until 6 pm and her sister would wait for her back home before 9 pm. I had only three days in Indonesia. So I told her that I would go to Jakarta and we would meet again in Autumn when I would come to Indonesia for the leave of absence. She thought also that it would better if I did that. I didn't want to stay silence and boring Serpong alone. When Nadya left, I immediately sent a message to Anna saying that I wanted to meet her. Anna had already been sending many messages to my e-mail and asking me if I was coming at all.

Anna is a 25-year old businesswoman. We met in the lobby of an office tower in South Jakarta. She wore a business dress and suggested wego to go to a cafe near the lobby. She talked all the time, was very open minded and looked interested in me. She discussed with me, for example, about Asian working culture and our topics were even too intelligent. When it was time for the bill, she paid everything, also my coffees and cakes and didn't accept my money. We made a new appointment after she finished work. I spent time alone in the malls and Anna was over an hour late. But that's acceptable, she is working and I'm in holiday.

Later we met again, She asked if I had any idea what to do. I told her that a man should always know but unfortunately I'm not from Jakarta. We took a taxi to an expensive restaurant that she recommended. Again she paid the taxi and told me that I had to pay the taxi back later for myself (what might she mean?). We ordered dinner, enjoyed it, talked and watched people driving by Ferraris to the restaurant. After dinner we ordered drinks, wine and beers. She promised to take me to show West Java by her car the next day, a very nice idea.

Time for the bill came again. I really tried to prevent her paying, but she paid again and my part too! Then we left the restaurant and she told me take the first taxi, she would take the second. Ok I went into the first taxi alone, thought she wants to stay at home at night and know me better before comes to sleep with me.

In the taxi going back to hotel, I got a text message asking why I didn't ask her to the hotel. I answered that she showed me the other taxi and I read between the lines it wasn't the time yet. Anyway, she continued to send kind sweet messages to me until I fell asleep and I also told to be sorry and waiting to see her next day and have fun. She seemed to like me.

The next morning, I got an SMS. "Car is broken can't go to West Java, wait me. See you later". I waited for her for hours on my last day in Jakarta. I tried to call. Once she answered "wait a minute, I will call you back", but no call ever came. She also sounded very energetic when she answered the phone. She sent a message that she was in the service station and told me to wait. I waited again for hours then got some message that she was in the hospital. I was totally ignored on my last day in Jakarta. I heard in her earlier answer on the phone that she wasn't sick or full of stress. Why she was so nice the day before that she was the only who woman offered me the dinner and drinks and why she talked nice and sent nice messages. But then ignored me the day after?

Finally it was approaching evening and I became bored and searched for an internet cafe. I saw that Anna had been active in Facebook but prevented me from contacting her. I opened MSN Messenger and quickly made a new appointment with another woman called Sofia. I gave my number. We met in in the mall and she was late and I started to be afraid that even she would ignore me. But finally she came and at first it felt so nice. I even told her about Anna. I knew Sofia well from chat that I felt it wouldn't be a mistake talking about Anna. She told me not to be so negative and Anna would contact me later. We talked about other subjects. Our discussion subjects were more about people and life than work as it was with Anna. I fell in love with Sofia then. She looked gorgeous and she was so friendly. I told her that I would forget Anna and liked her now. She was such a great person. She seemed to admire me too. I saw it from her big hazel eyes. Sofia told that me that she had a seminar with her company in Surabaya the next day. She told she wanted to come with me to the hotel but unfortunately, she couldn't because she had to pack her bag and the plane would leave early in the morning. I went back to the hotel, alone again. Later Sofia sent me messages that she really liked me and she even tried to get me to see her at the airport in the early morning. I refused. My plane would leave afternoon and I had a 31-hour trip back home. Even though I liked Sofia, what had happened with Anna was on my mind. So I tried to call her once more. But no answer came…

Surprisingly, the same evening I got a message from Nadya and she told me that she could skip work and see me on my last day if I wanted. And I wanted that.

I went to Serpong and checked in to the same hotel I had been that first night. This time we had sex. It was refreshing before a long flight back home. So I was finally back with the woman I chose first. I noticed I had really made Nadya fall in love with me. I was missing Sofia now but would she really want me? I knew she still was also missing an ex boyfriend. Maybe Nadya was the right one.

When I was back at home I got an answer on Facebook from Anna: "sick in hospital until now". Anyway, her earlier Facebook status didn't much support the answer. My thoughts are only that Anna wanted sex from me but got mad because she paid for everything but I didn't ask her to come to my hotel. She was aware that I'm coming later this year to have leave of absence in Jakarta. More she was like a man in a Pattaya bar who rings the bell but to whom no girl says that she would want to go to bed with him. That never happens in Thailand. Girls don't simply pay from man. That can't happen, even in equal Scandinavia. There are too many men like me, very tall and blonde. Maybe this can happen only in Asia. Maybe I was too much of a gentleman? A friend of mine has told a similar story of Malaysian woman who offer dinners etc… but my friend is not a gentleman, he is a playboy. Just have sex and go. Was I a jerk that wanted to use Anna's expensive time to only be a travel guide and company for me?

Sofia continued chatting and SMSing with me when I was back home, but I had to be the active partner. Nadya sent me messages whether I sent to her or not. Anna was silent when before my travel she was the most active one. However, Sofia told me a few days ago that she had returned to her ex-boyfriend. So I'm considering now having Nadya as my girlfriend when I will go back to Jakarta for a few months. Or perhaps I will search for a new one? A playboy I don't want to be. I want to find the right one.

Everybody can find a good girl from Indonesia. I recommend the country for a man who is rather young and who wants to get sweet Asian woman but who wants to avoid the inherent problems with Thai bar girls. As we knows it's hard to get a young and sweet woman in Thailand if she is not working in the bar. <Wrong, but that's another storyStick> And if you are an old fat man but still want young, beautiful woman, then I recommend Indonesian bar girls. Yes, they ask for money but so do Thais. And there is no sin sot in Indonesia. They will usually stop working in the bar when a man supports them. It's not a hobby for them like it seems to be in Thailand.

I have chatted with educated Thai girls online but I feel that educated Indonesians are much more interested in the surrounding world and they are much more mature in their mind but still they have retained the sweetness of Asian women.

Indonesian Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Indonesia would probably appeal to a lot of the readership but it seems very few have ever made it there.