The Torment of Thailand

"It all sounds better on paper but I will stay in Thailand", "because it is as boring as shit back home I wouldn't go back".

They are two quotes (perhaps not to the word, sorry) I have read recently from two different people. Stickman and Mega said basically these things in their writings, both of whom are long term Thailand residents.

On another Thailand forum, the addiction has turned into a compulsion for the majority of people, of having to read the posts from other users whether they be at work, home or just whenever they get a chance to log on. They set counters on their posts with the months, days, minutes and seconds before their flights to LOS.

So what is with this addiction that Thailand is which is tormenting so many people across the world?

Well I have been tormented! The first time I went to Thailand, I had a very enjoyable time, a lovely holiday. When the 3 weeks were up, I was ready to come home again and continue on with my life. But it was another time when a mate I worked with asked if I would like to join him to Thailand on a holiday. We'll, I thought I could do with a break, though found myself a little guilty going to a country which I had been to before. After all, to most people, travelling on a holiday overseas is a special time, and it is often best to see as much of the world as one can and visit other countries.

After that visit, I have to say that Thailand grew on me. Sure the women were a big part of this, but as so aptly described by the post of MEGA, 'it is a fantasy land'. Fantasy, as you can basically do anything you want, if you have the cash, the balls, the willpower, the cheekiness or the plain desire.

It all started to become an obsession with me. People asked me if I was running away from my life back here in OZ. I didn't know, I just enjoyed myself over in Thailand. It now has turned into something else for me. I have been going every 2 or 3 months for 3 weeks for a couple of years now. I treat it more like a holiday house back home rather than a big adventure overseas. OK, sure it is a little more pricey than a trip to the beach house, but in my situation, the only thing which costs me more money than living back home for the month is the plane ticket. Once I arrive in Thailand, I spend what I would for the month back home whilst not losing money while I am away. So it has become easily accessible to me.

The 2nd last time I went to Thailand was New Years. I didn't quite enjoy myself as much as the other times. Pattaya turned seedier than ever, too many wankers around, heroes and all the bits. I pretty much declared that it was the last time to go to Pattaya and pretty much Thailand. But a mate was getting married, and once again, 1.5 months later I found myself back in LOS. The place is either calling for me, and I just can't seem to get away from it.

This time it was with friends and associates, but we also separated at times and went our own ways. I had a ball again! But declared to myself it was the end of a cycle for Thailand and it is time to go back to OZ and remain there. I thought it would be the end of reading the Stickman website, and reading up on some of those others forums associated with Thailand. But NO!

I always avidly read Stickman each day and the other forums, and since I recently read the article from MEGA it has forced me to write another submission into the Stick.

Since I have been home I have felt some sort of feeling of depression. I cannot quite put my finger on what it is as I have a great job, and a relatively easy life. I am seeing a girl who is good fun, my friends are great and so are my family.

But the pull of Thailand has still got me. Last time I left I got a tattoo on my arm. Never thought I would get one, but since it was my last time, I wanted to remember that segment out of my life which I lived in a fairy tale, and experienced things I never thought I could. I have it as a reminder of what Thailand gave to me, the confidence to be who I want, and the knowledge to know I can do it if I want to.

And from the MEGA post….I now know why I am depressed. It is because it is FANTASY land. Nothing is real or true….everything is almost a role play to have or obtain what people want, whether it be money, friends, face or good times. MEGA says life is simply boring back in the West. Well….is it? That's my question, as life is what you make it also. I certainly haven't had a boring time, but I must say, as the days go on I am beginning to think I am wasting my life sitting in an office facing a computer screen most days. Sure I have a creative lifestyle….I make television commercials and it is often a lot of fun. But I am still wasting away. Thailand is perhaps not the answer but the antidote to myself to help me realise what life is about. "GET OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING SPECIAL?"

It seems I can do whatever I want in LOS…I use to play the drums for a good 12 years, but hadn't played them for perhaps 15 years. I sat in front of a great band and spoke to the guitarist. The next thing I was on stage in front of everyone doing a drum solo with him. They were amazingly good musicians. He was sitting down and I was standing up with several cymbals, toms, cowbells etc….and he was playing a cool beat. We finished the solo, and everyone around cheered. I began to walk off stage and he brought me back and sat me down on the drums and made me play them by myself. The drums were amped up and sounded brilliant. Scared the hell out of me since it had been so long, but what an amazing time I had. I have wanted to do that for years and years and never could back home. And it wasn't just a little bash but something which they let me really enjoy for quite a length of time. That is the sort of thing I find I love about Thailand. Anything can be achieved with will, friendliness or cash. I arm wrestled a kickboxer for a beer even….we raced go karts and between every event you go to the bar for a couple of beers…..(but whiskey wasn't allowed.) Ha!

I could easily ramble on about the women but to tell you the truth, the whole sex scene doesn't really do it for me so much any more. Pointless sex with more often than not little passion. Sure it feels good, but this is where reality can set in. Nothing quite like a female that is really into you for YOU!

You see, now I am comparing Thailand and my home country, Australia, to this analogy. It is like a footballer playing a game. He is out there kicking goals, getting all dirty and having a great time during the match. But this footballer, when he is finished he is exhausted, and just wants to go home, have a nice relaxing shower and chill out for a bit. I am seeing Thailand like as this. When I am done with my 3 weeks every couple of months, I like to come home, have a shower and chill out a bit. I think the facade of bullshit everywhere tires me. Sometimes it is just nice to hear the truth once in a while because it is the truth and nothing else….at least this coming particularly from the opposite sex. Others can be like it also in different areas because we are stupid, gullible, white farangs and a chance to make some extra extra extra cash for the day to them (particularly in Phuket of which I dislike visiting). And though it isn't as regularly as exciting back home in OZ, it is still enjoyable. What I have needed is to weigh up for myself is whether I should be looking at living in Thailand for a while, since I go so much, or stay in my home country.

Weighing the options and concluding my thoughts and feelings I am deciding that:

– When thinking about children, I would much prefer to bring them up in Australia rather than Thailand. To me this is a no brainer.

– I am at a stage in my life where I would like to find the right girl and have children within the next few years. I wouldn't think of looking for a female in Thailand unless I was living there and got to know her for a long time. But as MEGA said, often the so called good girls, educated, richer families etc, are often dead boring which I have found in my trips also. I wouldn't want this at all. And more over, most things are about money rather than love. And really, it is far more possible for a Thai girl to fall in love with a Thai bloke than a Farang. They have so much more common ground and understanding for one. The risks involved are tremendous if I wanted to find a Thai lady for a wife…..in my eyes, it is just not worth the trouble.

One of the best feelings one can have in life is to experience true love. A love which is felt equally between two people. Not for money but for the person themselves. A western relationship, ideally, is based on something far different to a Farang / Thai or even a Thai / Thai relationship. And I much prefer that of the West. OK, sure the people who want to make up excuses for why they are happy to pay for sex the whole time say that all men are paying for the ladies in the West as well because of buying them dinner on dates and drinks at bars. Or to push the envelope a little further, that the Western women in the end are after the rich man also. We'll it holds up in every country around the world, and in the end if we are to spend our life with someone, we don't want it to be a constant battle each and every day financially. So we are in fact by nature more drawn to more successful people. I wouldn't go out with a girl who used heroin, or was rough and was a criminal. We attract who we are ourselves.

If I want a loving relationship, want to bring up children, then Australia it is. If I want to have fun, let myself go, live out fantasies, live some excitement, then Thailand is a great place to do it. The question I am still asking myself is : "Have I experienced enough in fantasy land?" I probably know the answer, but as nicotine does to a smoker, Thailand is doing to me… It use to be the women, the food, the people you meet, the shopping….now it is something else.

I am signing off for now….That was just a little of how Thailand has effected my life. I am finding it very hard to calm down right now. A lot of anxiety from not knowing where to go now. I have said not to return, but life seems so boring if I stop this. I guess it is like coming down from a drug. I have heard from countless other people who feel exactly the same way from all parts of the world. The country has a pull, even if it doesn't make sense.