Stickman Readers' Submissions May 19th, 2009

The Frustrations Of ThaiLoveLinks

I’m giving up on Thai women. Despite the fact that some are truly lovely creatures, I find many of their nuances and idiosyncrasies simply too much to handle and I refuse to enter into the games that most seem to play.

I’m just an average guy with an average income, most certainly not the GQ type that many writers are so I don’t delude myself into thinking I am a special catch. I am simply an average guy looking for a relationship-minded woman.

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I took Stick’s advice and signed up for ThaiLoveLinks (TLL). I was overwhelmed with the number of women on the website, in particular the number of relationship-minded women. This was what I was looking for, a relationship-minded woman to settle
down with. The site claims 500,000 members and Stick claimed it was the best site to find a Thai woman. That was the clincher. I signed up.

I quickly realised that the profiles of the women bore little resemblance to their real selves. Scanning over page after page after page of supposedly relationship-minded women, I fired off messages. A high percentage replied and we then turned to a more
direct form of communication, real-time messaging online or the traditional means, the telephone.

Fairly quickly I would filter out those women who just weren’t quite right. It might have been that they lived too far away (the number who say they live in Bangkok but are actually hundreds of miles is away is huge). Then there were those who
had written grammatically perfect and occasionally enchanting messages but who turned out to understand just a few words of English on the phone. I can communicate in Thai but I really wanted someone who speaks English. It keeps things easier,
is a sign she has some sort of education and I have found with girlfriends in the past that keeping things in Thai means things are always done the Thai way, which is not always ideal.

I would filter out a lot of the ladies and end up chatting with and interested in meeting perhaps only 10% of those I initially contacted.

So now I still had a large number of relationship-minded women to meet. I would arrange to meet them and this would turn out to be something of a nightmare. Perhaps 1 in 5 wouldn’t turn up at all and calls to ascertain where they were would go
unanswered. About 3 in 5 would turn up but would be late. A few minutes late would be acceptable but usually they would stroll in about half an hour late, as if nothing had happened. Any comments made about timeliness would simply ruin the date.
Perhaps 1 in 5 actually turned up on time. Someone who turns up late for a first date or worse still, doesn’t even bother to show up, is really not a woman I want to pursue things with. I quickly learned that it was best to simply tell
them that they had been disrespectful by turning up late and failing to at least communicate they would be late or even apologise, that they were not the time of woman I wanted to know. I would then wish them farewell and walk away. You want to
see the look on their face when you say that. Without exception, they thought it was all my fault!

So, having whittled down to the best 10%, 4 out of 5 women ruled themselves out and suddenly you only had 2% of which were even dating material. Of these 2%, half wanted to make a beeline for my bed which, as nice as that may be, largely ruled them out
as being a future partner. Let’s not delude ourselves here. If they did that with me, they did it with you too. Such a woman is not my idea of relationship material.

That means we are now down to just 1% of the women as being possible relationship material.

So I started to date the 1%. All educated, employed, speaking good English and insisting that they are the much sought after Good Thai Girl. I just found it so hard to meet someone even semi-decent.

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The first problem, and this is entirely blameless, is that most of the women who live in the Sukhumvit area work in a beauty salon or claim to be self-employed or unemployed. In other words they are bargirls. What you find is that the reasonable girls
live in parts of Bangkok you have never heard of, places that are a 45 minute – 1 hour / 200 – 250+ baht taxi ride in each direction from where I live (Sukhumvit). Just meeting these women is a problem. The distance to travel is
far. They don't know their way around Bangkok and they don't have money for a taxi. Many refuse to take a bus or a minivan.

It’s so easy to forget that even degreed, employed Thai women struggle financially. I am quite happy to treat my date to dinner, movie or whatever, but many of these women ask you to pay for their transport cost too which is taking the piss. I
understand that they are not well off, but there are cheaper transport options. Paying them 500 baht for a taxi fare on top of everything else just isn’t going to happen, honey!

Most, not many but most, work 6 days a week. They have busy lives and add a 6 day week to the problem of where they live, it gets more and more difficult to meet them. What happens is that where you start off by approaching women in Bangkok, you have
to narrow it down to those living in an area within a relatively small radius of where you live. The massive pool of women you thought were available to you is in fact quite small!

A lot of these issues I can overlook and I accept that things will never be perfect, but once you do get involved with a Thai woman, I have found them to be rather self-centred and frankly, unattractive, at least in terms of the way they behave.

Let’s take this weekend for example. I dated a pleasant 28-year old woman and we had a nice dinner. I was a gentleman and did not try anything on. We parted ways, chatted later than evening and then again this morning. She called me and was very
keen to meet today, after she finished work, at 3 PM. I agreed. She was insistent that I keep the afternoon and evening free. Come 4 PM she had not called so I rang and inquired about a meeting place. She was shopping and said that she didn’t
feel like meeting. It’s one thing to break plans but another to be super keen and then change your mind completely and not communicate that.

This is where so many Thai women let themselves down. You just cannot take them seriously. I don’t doubt that I will get abusive emails and be told that I don't understand Thai women, but if you cannot take someone at their word, how can you
have a relationship with them? Many Thai women seem to be extreme in this regard. I am sufficiently acquainted with Thai culture to understand that things are not always as they seem, but this sort of thing is just not what you want in a relationship.
How can you have a relationship with someone who makes promises they don’t keep or consistently tells out and out lies? I simply don’t want to be involved in such a relationship.

Perhaps the most disappointing thing I have found with these women is when such an issue does arise you simply cannot talk it out with them. Just raising the issue kills any semblance of a relationship you had and by default, simply alluding to something
you weren’t happy about, they consider that it is in fact you who is in the wrong! The final straw for me was chatting with a woman at length whose profile indicated she wanted to meet someone at which point I suggested meeting and she
would come back with something like "I think Internet not good for meet person. I only chat!"

Fortunately, Thai women are very quick to show their true colours so you waste little time.

ThaiLoveLinks is great if you want to meet non-bargirls for no strings attached sex. More than half of the girls you meet will have sex with you on the first date – and that is without even trying. But if you’re looking for a relationship,
I have found it rather elusive. Of course I could be doing something seriously wrong.

Stickman's thoughts:

I have always said with these online dating sites that you have to get in in the early days because once the masses reach them, the dynamic changes. These sorts of sites really do have a "shelf-life", at least in terms of fun or opportunities members can have. ThaiLoveLinks is MASSIVE now – and I guess therein lies the problem.

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