Do Not Take The Girl Out Of Thailand
I have to agree with the submission Brokenman Busted by Anonymous, every thing put so blunt but is so true.
Here is a story about a bar girl that I have known for 6 years. She is very intelligent, extremely attractive, fully switched on, a focused person who worked in the bars at Nana Plaza, basically in business for herself.
Each time I came to Bangkok we would meet and have a wild night together. A pure business transaction, nothing more, nothing less. We started off with a few disagreements in the beginning; mainly about money and why I was “butterflying” too many ladies in the bar. Well that’s me; I play the field like you and I make no apologies for that. “Take it or leave” was my reply. As time passed we accepted each other's misdemeanors. Be that as it may, our relationship evolved into a good friendship, certainly not the GFE, as I would not give in to her demands for extra cash or other requests and I was not a useful candidate for a monthly allowance as I was nearly twice her age, married with all the baggage that goes with it. However, we had some good conversations, good times together which were quite pleasant.
I was a regular visitor to Thailand and we would see each other at least once during my visit. I respected and admired her as a person, not a bargirl and she in turn respected me for my firm stance, wisdom and firmness towards her (so she would tell me). Let may say this. Under that tough skin that bargirls show they often hurt and feel insecurities just like the rest of us. She occasionally felt the need to cry and I was picked as the shoulder to cry on. Often she would call me in Australia when feeling down for a friendly chat and a boost of confidence and then disappear for a while. She only called when she was depressed, never asked for money and only wanted to speak with someone who understood her.
A few years ago she met an Aussie guy holidaying for the first time in LOS. He fell madly in love with her and probably had the best time of his life. He decided that he wanted to take it a step further solve all her problems and get her out of the bar scene and eventually marry her. (She never had any problems.)
He started off by sending 15,000 baht as a substitute for loss of income to stay home and be with her 8year old son while he prepared travel and visa documents to eventually travel and meet up with him. This was a lengthy process and took just over a year to complete. In the meantime she was also receiving 20,000 baht from a fellow in England with the same intentions.
Simultaneously she was working at the bar every night, "The highest bar fined girl in the joint" as her mamasan once revealed to me. Let’s face it; she was extremely attractive. in high demand and in business for herself.
In early Sept 2007 I was having my morning coffee before I set out for work (Australia) and I receive a phone call from a local number… It was her. Finally her travel documents were complete and she was here to fulfill her matrimonial responsibilities as she felt some kind of obligation due to the monthly allowance received.
“I want to see you NOW! reo-reo.”
“How long have you been here?” “When did you arrive?” I replied in my astonishment and surprise
“Just four (4) days mai phen rai come quick I miss you.”
From the poor directions she gave me, I finally tracked her down. We went for a drive, had a long chat, something to eat, had a bit of slap and a tickle later on in the day. This ended up being our daily routine for the whole six weeks that she was here between 9.00am-5.00pm whilst her “future husband” was hard at work.
Lucky for me I was able to juggle my hours as I’m self employed. He was totally unaware of what was happening and she felt secure that I was around as a safety net in case things took a nasty turn in their relationship.
The whole experience was overwhelming for me. Why should I be concerned for this guy? I was having a great time at his expense. We would play all day and then I would send her home, a perfect situation. Why should I try and set things straight?
At times I felt anger for him for disrupting my work schedule and daily routine in terms of my work albeit pleasant. How long is this going to last? What’s going to evolve with this? Am I in danger here? And many other questions that came to mind.
What the f—ck was he thinking by bringing this girl out to boring suburbia? Is he blind? Is he for real?
I work hard here and three times a year I play hard in Thailand. This has been the norm for years. Now the tables are turned. I have my private dancer here on my doorstep and hot to trot daily. Sometimes it seemed like a dream.
Before we become critical of this girl, let’s take a good look at her lifestyle back in Thailand.
A single mother, 28 years old living in Bangkok. Extremely attractive, very intelligent, doesn’t support any Thai man, hardly any female friends from the bar scene.
Feet planted firmly on the ground, doesn’t smoke nor drink and very particular about her financial responsibilities.
Her monthly fixed expense in Thailand are as follows: – (I have witnessed these figures)
In THAI BAHT
8,000…… Private school & Education (Son)
9,000………Full time carer for son
11,000……..New car repayment
2,000 …….Hairdressers & Cosmetics
1,000……..phone & Internet
3,000………Food & Other Expenses
5,000 ….contribution to her Mother
TOTAL EXPENSES ….46,500 THAI BAHT MONTHLY
What would here income be then?………Let’s not go there.
Are some westerners so naïve and stupid thinking that 15,000 baht per month is going to fulfill that expenditure? Do they honestly think that they would forsake that lifestyle for a lesser one, out in boring Farangland suburbia, cooped up all day in an apartment, alone?
Or as expected of her to go and stack supermarket shelves as a job or have dinner nightly at the local pub with a pie and beer with boys and watch the footy?
Even more degrading for her that she was expected to sit on the side of a paddock while he played cricket all day. Do you believe this? A Thai bargirl sitting in the sun all day watching 11 blokes standing there all dressed in white, doing nothing. “What this game mean” she asked. Well? How does one answer her that.
The relationship was destined for doom from the day she arrived. We would often talk about the income she was losing back in Thailand and how ridiculous it is for her to remain here.
A bullshit story was made up that she had to leave due to a serious illness of her mother; she did not have the courage to tell him it’s finished, perhaps she wanted to leave a door open for a possible return. I don’t know and really don’t care. She only came here to observe a possible future but as things crystallized rather quickly, it was only a matter of time that she would be at the airport with bags packed and Thailand bound.
Because she had a year visa, this fellow decides to bring her back six months later only this time with ultimatums, “marry me or else”. Well guess what? She was back at the airport bidding her last farewells within 7 days.
Who is to blame in this situation? She for being adventurous? He for being ignorant of her lifestyle, culture and background? OR me for being the 3rd person looking in and allowing this to happen?
I cannot lay blame on her, she was offered an opportunity and she used it. Good luck to her. No. We farang are to blame for even thinking that we can better their lifestyle but in reality it’s our lifestyle that we want to improve. We can be extremely selfish at times assuming that it can be possible for them to adapt. If I knew who this guy was, I would say “serves you right”.
In the meantime I still see this girl when in Bangkok, she has moved on to a more rewarding bar in Cowboy and even under the current economic situation is doing very well thank you very much.
Her lifestyle is better than any farang woman I know, and as we both agree the past experience has bonded our friendship closer.
As I said in previous submission, LEAVE THEM ALONE, THEY MAKE THE GAME, THEY PLAY THE GAME
I don't think anyone is to blame that things didn't work out. The Aussie guy who brought her out probably genuinely felt that he was helping her. He probably didn't realise that there was a significant cost for her being in Australia and that financially, she was actually worse off. Having said that, making her sit on the side of the oval while he played cricket all day is a big ask. Thai women can be quite needy and in a foreign country with no friends, sitting there alone, for the best part of 7 hours, would be hell for most Thai women!