Stickman Readers' Submissions May 14th, 2009

Brokenman Redeemed

Wow, Brokenman’s submission has really got things going for Stick. 10 points for Stick for allowing everyone to have their say. What I get from all this, which is disappointing to me, are all the personal attacks, firstly from anonymous and subsequently, from some who disagree with him. There seemed to be more space devoted to personal attacks than the issue at hand. A lot of assumptions were made on both sides. Now I understand why Stick has shied away from starting a forum!

I wrote this submission like many then initially decided to put it on the shelf. I thought enough had been said. I have decided to dust the cobwebs off it and submit after I have read the “Brokenman Decoded” submission.

mens clinic bangkok

One thing I get with Decoded & Anonymous, is an undeserved cynicism about Thai women that seems to be applied to all of them. My wife is Thai & she doesn’t fit your generalizations. Sorry guys. Brokenman didn’t choose his wife after two weeks in a bar or two weeks anywhere for that matter. Also, my small country city might fit the category of “a dump in west midlands” albeit in Australia. Well, my wife always hated the big city of Bangkok, loves staying home and eating with her friends here and no traffic jams or “hard rain” as she puts it. She just wants to be with me.

Bear with me a while here. One of the biggest problems, in my opinion, in the modern world, is the loss of community. Because we all move all over the world or our countries, we have no frame of reference anymore. Before all that, we lived in tribes. The few cultures that had tribes in the 20th century were decimated in our mistaken belief that they weren’t civilized and that they were all wrong and we knew better. It was refreshing recently when I was in Isaan with my wife that we went with my eldest sister in law to visit the village leader over a land dispute. We showed him the required respect and he listened patiently to our problem and said that he would discuss the issue with the offending party. I still don’t know the outcome but we “civilsed” folk need to use a lawyer. Where I come from it’s about $300 an hour and any average person might spend a year’s wages very quickly to solve a problem. I firmly believe that justice is only for the rich in the modern Western world. A long time ago, people talked about issues and the wise elders decided the outcome.

About four years ago I went to a men’s experiential workshop here in Australia and learned many valuable things. One of the most valuable things was that in “old cultures” men supported each other. Be it the village elders or whoever. In the modern world we mostly see other men as competitors and older people as crazy or out of touch. If our modern way of doing things is so good why are there so many male suicides and perhaps 30 – 40 % of modern males on anti-depressants?

Women support each other but men don’t. Guess what; when men support each other, things get better.

Back to Brokenman. He’s got a problem and he knows he has to figure it out himself. By talking about his problem he saved a $150 per hour with a psychologist, quite rightly, and wanted to share his problem with his tribe.

By submitting what he did, he was speaking to his tribe. His tribe are the people he met here and Stickmanites. He met Stick, BKKSW & Marc Holt to name a few. His tribe, in a modern sense, is the guys who understand Thailand & Thai women. Speaking about his problem, I hope, was cathartic for him and he didn’t want sympathy but just some support from guys who knew Thailand & Thai women. He just wanted someone to understand him. Can you see anonymous, he didn’t need “I told you so” or how he was stupid. If you really read his submissions from way back, he is very articulate and a very real man. He was divorced and took a chance; he chose love with a lady he knew for a number of years. Many divorced guys never take that chance. Yes, anonymous, you made some valid points but your personal attacks on him and assumptions about him diminished you. You strike me as a hard ass. If your way of doing things has brought you a lot of happiness and success in love and relationships please email me your advice. I would be interested to learn from you.

Whoops, I have stooped to your level, please don’t email me. I have made a personal attack on you and have invalidated my whole submission. 555.

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Ok, any replies via Stick.

Stickman's thoughts:

I couldn't agree more about this males supporting males thing. Looking back on my recent trip home to New Zealand, one of the things I enjoyed was hanging out with mates who I knew were always there for me as I would be for them. None of this competitive nonsense, we just enjoyed the camaraderie that you get in genuine friendships where this is support when needed.

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