Advice About A Bargirl
I have recently been backpacking and spent a lot of time in Asia, most of my time in Thailand and guess what… yes I got involved with a bargirl. I never thought I would because of what I've heard about them but I let myself go with this girl as I think she is different and had genuine feelings… but I guess that's what we all think. I was browsing through your website and would be very grateful if you could offer me your advice as you seem very experienced on the matter.
Before I start, my case is a little different as I'm a fairly handsome, young man, not the typical 30-40 year old that has paid her to be my girlfriend. I had met her the first night in a bar and just talked, she had asked me to bar her bar fee but I refused saying that I wanted to go to a nightclub so she had arranged to meet me after she finished work. She never did meet me that night which made me think she either had another customer or wasn't that desperate. Her friend however ended up with my friend and the next day the lady that I had met had got in contact with me via her friend that stayed with my friend saying that she wanted to see me again. We met that night, after she finished work so I didn't pay the bar fee and we slept together. The next day she did ask me for money and I replied saying 'why? I though you liked me?' she replied saying 'I do but I want a little for some food'. I didn't give her anything. <Big mistake – Stick>
I left that day to go elsewhere in Thailand with the intention of coming back and she knew this, not only to see her but I thought that I might as well seeing as I'm coming back anyway. We met again when I returned and as soon as she saw me I saw her face light up and she immediately gave me her phone number and I stayed with her for 3 nights, never paid her a penny or her bar fee (I would see her after she finished work and spend the day with her before she started work). She wanted to stay with me despite knowing that I wasn't going to pay her, I would only pay for her food. During my stay she would tell me that she liked me, and I would tell her the same. Now at this point I thought well she must like me because why else would she stay with me for free. Also, normally when she stays with customers, she often spends a couple of hours or so with them during the night and then return home in the day, but she wanted to spend every minute of the day with me.
I left this place again to travel to other places with the plan of returning once again. On my return we spent 2 weeks together and had a great time, and I know for sure that she enjoyed it as much as me. During this 2 weeks, she even paid her own bar fee to stay with me because I refused to pay it. One night I told her I wouldn't pay it and she could go to work and she was quite upset by this so decided to pay it herself. Now bear in mind that I'm only 23 and she is 29. Thai ladies know that it's the older men that have money and I would always deliberately act stingy in front of her to make a point to her that I didn't have the kind of money that the typical older farang that visits the bar has (This was a kind of test I was using). Without trying to sound bigheaded, being a young fit lad, I gave her in my opinion probably some of the best sex she's ever had because she just couldn't get enough of it and wanted more. <The whole Stickman readership wishes they were as great as you and wore the same skin tight blue costume and red cape – Stick>
During this 2 weeks we had spent together we had one argument and I told her that I didn't want to stay with her as a result. This led her to tears and we made up shortly afterwards, and a few days later she told me that she loved me. Now this sounds too soon to be able to fall in love with someone. I had spent less than 3 weeks with her but I know she had some genuine feelings for me as she would pay her own bar fee to be with me. I didn't pay her a penny and she even cried for me. She knew that I was trying to save money as I was backpacking and she would only eat once a day and sometimes suggested an alternative restaurant if we went somewhere expensive. I had initially thought that maybe she just had a small appetite but later got told by my friend who was staying with her friend that she eats quite a lot… she had been eating so little in an attempt to help me to save money so I really believe that she wasn't motivated by money and had genuine feelings for me. After I left this place again to travel elsewhere, my friend stayed. He would tell me how he went to the bar and she was completely different in the way that she always looked either really miserable or really drunk. He would ask me 'what have you done to her'. It seemed apparent that she really missed me.
She has also told me some quite personal things about herself, whether they are true or not I don't know. Such as her first boyfriend who she met at university that she was madly in love with but he was sent to prison and given a death sentence… I don't believe she would tell these kind of things to any customer. She was also quite open to me about her customers and wouldn't mind me seeing her phone or reading messages from her past customers, however I do believe she lies to me about how many customers she has been with but I wouldn't expect her to tell me the truth about this. She has also told her close friends and family about me on the phone whilst I was with her and asked me to speak to them.
I am now back in my home country and keep in touch with her on a regular basis. Before returning home I had gone back to see her again to spend another 2 weeks with her. She cried when I left at the airport and I'm quite sure that she genuinely feels for me. To sum up, I hadn't given her a single penny yet she wanted to spend all her time with me. She even only ate once a day sometimes to help me save money and sometimes when I was in a mood with her she offered to pay for things. The only time I had given her money was I had sent her 5000 baht after I left, for her to go back to her family home as she was sick because she miscarried our child as I had unprotected sex with her. Even then I offered, she didn't ask for it and when I asked her how much she needed to go back home she wouldn't say. Now bearing in mind I'm not the typical older farang that has paid for my girlfriend. She also knows that I don't have a lot of money and when I explain to her now that I can't send her anything she tells me that she understands. When I ask her 'why do you want to be with me, I don't have money. Why don't you find someone that has money?' She replies 'I don't care, I love you'. She also doesn't care that my friend who is staying with her friend is older and has money and her friend is revelling in it but my girlfriend doesn't seem to care so she's not money motivated in my opinion. I do believe she has genuine feelings for me and she has even cried for me on many occasion after an argument and sometimes if we've argued on webcam I can see how upset she looks. She would also let me interact with her good friends, but if she thought of me as a customer I would have thought she would want to keep me distant from them.
I'm also a Muslim and she has said that she would convert for me, now I don't know if this is love or desperation but it is a big sacrifice for her to make. Since we've parted she has been staying in the northeast with her family. Her father works and owns a couple of rice farms so I don't think they're the poorest of Thais. The only thing that has upset me about her is that she has recently gone back to work at the bar but lied to me about this. For around 2 weeks I would phone her and she would make out she had been with her parents but my friend who is still in Thailand told me her seen her at the bar. I wasn't mad that she was back in the bar, I cant expect her to stop because I'm not giving her money but I was mad that she lied. When I phoned her and told her I wanted nothing to do with her she burst into tears and told me she didn't want me to know because she knew I wouldn't like it. My friend also tells me that he thinks she loves and only lied about this as she didn't want to upset me or loose me and he has seen her when I left her and he senses that she misses me so much and just gets so drunk now when she stays in the bar.
We have made up since then and she tells me that she's going to finish the bar within the next 2 weeks and find a job in Bangkok working for a company, we have spoke about this before and I encourage her to do this as I think she is better than a bargirl. I know that deep down she doesn't want to work the bar. She is educated to a degree level and worked for companies before and she also tells me that she has only worked the bar for 2 years which again I don't know if this is the truth or not. If it is true which I believe it is then I believe that she doesn't have the same scamming mentality as a bargirl yet. She's not fully turned if you know what I mean. Deep down I think she is a good girl and has a good heart. She also tells me that her family don't want her to work the bar, their house is now secure from the money she has already made for them and they tell her now just to do something to take care of herself and not to worry about the family. Apparently her mother doesn't know what she does… she knows that she works 'in' a bar but doesn't understand the concept of what exactly a bargirl does, however her father knows exactly what she does. She's also told me that before she started working the bar, she worked for Honda and one of the big bosses really liked her. She became his girlfriend for a few months I think, she wouldn't tell me how long and she absolutely rinsed him. He gave her shitloads of money and this has helped her family a lot. She was quite open with me about this but didn't like talking a lot about it as she wanted to forget that experience.
I would be grateful if you could offer me some advice. My mind tells me to forget her as she is a 'Thai bargirl' and will cause nothing but problems from all the stories I've heard but my heart tells me that she has genuine feelings for me and she knows I don't have money so why would she want to stay with me and want to see me again if she didn't feel for me, I'm confused. She was so good to me and would do nearly anything I asked. I believe we do share a relationship of a boyfriend/girlfriend because sometimes when we argue she gives as much as she gets and if she was a 'typical bargirl' maybe she would always try to sweet me up. I have told her that I want to come back to Thailand after a year to teach English for a year and she tells me that she'll never forget me and will wait for me. I do worry sometimes that ok maybe she didn't ask for money when she stayed with me, however could she be thinking long-term that if she leads me to believe that she loves me that I might take her back to England and give her a good life and possibly send money to her parents, I am young and quite handsome so maybe she thinks I'm a good catch compared to an older guy. But then if she was thinking like this and was after security why didn't she just do it with an older guy that has money. Could it be because the older guy hasn't fallen for her like I have and she knows this and wants to take advantage of it, But I was very strong for the first couple of weeks with her and didn't show my feelings and I believed initially that she felt stronger for me than I did for her.
I would like to thank you so much for reading my mail and look forward to hearing from you. I am very grateful for your time.
This woman is working in the bar to make money yet you avail yourself of her services and don't pay her. OK, she might have been ok with that for a while but she was obviously in a dire situation financially. She did even have enough money to eat! A couple can get a decent meal for 100 baht all up. Could you not spare that?
I accept that some women will offer a guy they truly like a freebie and if he accepts it, fine. But this woman put herself into a difficult situation – and you allowed that you happen. You don't need to shower a woman with money but letting her go hungry?
You say you should forget her because she is a bargirl? Perhaps you should look at yourself! You sound like a total wanker! From time to time we get a submission from someone who is totally full of themselves, but this really takes the cake. You come across as a totally reckless, selfish and self-indulgent ASSHOLE.