Readers' Submissions

The Phet Situation

  • Written by PC
  • April 28th, 2009
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


There are so many people who seem to think that love is something that can be considered and learnt over a period of time, where you bothtake your time to get to know each other. I totally dispute that! Love is an instant and overwhelming (rak reek pop) biological and instinctive reaction, if you have to stop, think and consider, then you aren’t in love. I know, I have been in love twice during my lifetime and thinking about it, is something that just didn’t happen.

Love Number 1

My English wife whom I met at age 22 and when she was 19. I loved her the instant I saw her, and we were together for 30 years. We had nothing in common at all except for pheromones and sex. Of course that ended horribly with her menopause when sex and pheromones became nothing to her along with me.

Love Number 2

Now I am out here in SE Asia with a woman 10 years younger than me. Things aren’t too smooth as she is busy extracting money from another foolish farang (and my western upbringing still tells me it’s wrong to allow your woman to sleep with another man) who is prepared to part with a lot of money up front (“it’s just business love, it’s you I want to be with”). But apparently he is only here for a few weeks. I live here full time and when he goes back home I will be having my turn with her again. (Someone told me you never lose your Thai girlfriend, you only ever lose your turn.)

Love Number 3 (not sure if this is to be considered love though)

Things happen fast out here in Thailand, so fast that many western men can’t cope with the speed of the action. When “number 2” started playing her game I acquired a new woman (mia chow) purely on a cash per visit basis. After failing to follow the traditional Thai rules of engagement (3 dates of any kind with a Thai girl and you are having a relationship) mia chow moves in for the big one … “why you love her and no love me” … as I’m passing over a 1,000 baht note for the previous night. Slightly taken aback by this turn of events and foolishly continuing to see number 3, number 2 finds out I am seeing another girl and the reaction is insane fury (whatever happened to “jai yen”). “But you are having sex with another guy” says I, “That’s just business” is her angry reply. I can only say "som naam na" (serves you right). I am now dumped by number 2 although number 3 says only until the other BF goes home, then she will want me back. I can't predict the future and don't even try, I'm still having fun.

So looking back on both my loves (and mia chow), the traditional English relationship (I paid) and the traditional Thai relationship (I paid), I can give a reasoned comparison. Both relationships relied on me working and providing the women with a home and money. Was one a more valid form of love than the other? I think not. Both women were prostituting themselves in one way or another (they provided sex in return for money or goods of some sort). The Thai relationship, in many ways, is the more moral and honest of the two. I know what I am paying for, I know the cost and I know exactly what I am getting for my money. Love number 1 is still costing me money, maintenance, pension, etc. and I’m getting nothing but grief from that past relationship. Nobody warned me in advance that a woman in the UK can pretty much take everything from her husband if she is prepared to allege violence against him (no evidence is required in family courts).

With “Brokenman Busted” we have another love story gone wrong, taking a Thai girl back to the UK seems to me to be asking for trouble. Thai ladies learn very quickly and will soon understand the rights they will receive in the UK (if they don’t already know them). Brokenman is very lucky that she didn’t try the having a baby trick. I now treat every relationship I have with a woman in a very wary way. Always limit your financial exposure. Don’t let your heart rule your wallet. So many men forget to protect themselves from women (Thai or Western). Thanks to Stickman and the submitted articles I know many of the Thai dangers and will be able to avoid the pitfalls. Rent, don’t buy, borrow, don’t pay cash, never take them home with you. Avoid any major outlays that involve cash up front and keep your Thai love for a long time but on a financial leash.

The idea that you must be the same or a similar age to your partner is feminist claptrap that you are foolish enough to have swallowed hook line and sinker. Relationships between man and woman were traditionally based on male dominance and power, only now have the women in the western world gained all the power. Don’t turn your new Thai love into a western woman. Before man provided and protected, woman nurtured and breed. Prior to the last 100 years in the western world this was a fact that was self evident. The unbearably rich and powerful men still enjoy this position worldwide. (Read the story about weak western men.)

In my opinion you should love freely and without premeditation, but still keep your hand firmly on your wallet.

Doesn’t Buddha claim that for every great happiness you experience, you will have an equally great sadness. Enjoy both sets of emotions to the full, that is what it means to be alive. Enjoy the moment because nobody can predict the future.

Stickman's thoughts:

Back in Kiwiland at present, I was chatting with an uncle about the phenomenon of guys losing everything to Thai women and he told me a case here where a Kiwi guy fell for a local Brazilian bird and the same thing happened. He gave an opinion I have not heard before. He said that the guy who was aged about 50 fell for it whereas someone of my generation (aged under 40) probably wouldn't. He suggested that people in the past were MUCH more trusting whereas I (and pretty much everyone aged under 40) has been brought up to be much more wary of others and their intentions. There could be something in this.