Readers' Submissions

The Perfect Birthday

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 6th, 2009
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


First come the introductions. I am an Englishman, living in Germany since 35 years, with 3 children and a wife who respects me (and my salary). We live together in our house, are good friends and help one another, but due to age, different opinions and illness of my wife do not sleep together in the same bed anymore. I have been travelling to Bangkok since about 5 years (2 to 3 times/year) in order to fulfill my carnal desires.

I was very lucky on my first visit to meet a lady, working behind a bar in Soi 22 (Queens Plaza), who kept me out of a lot of trouble and is now a good friend (together with her English partner). When I travel to LOS, she arranges a passing Lady to take care of me (not too young, not too old). I tend to make sure that one of my visits is the middle from January, so that I may celebrate my birthday, without the vultures from the village in Germany where I live, who expect free drinks and nourishment. Hell it's my birthday I expect to receive a gift not just entertain my „mates with free beer.

On my last visit to BKK, I checked in to my hotel, went to the Hairdressers (I only go to Thailand to have my hair cut – it's much cheaper than Germany !). Later I went to the Thai massage next to Queens Plaza on Soi 22 …no you bad boys.. it's a proper Thai massage. They do the facial massages, and foot massage for the farang ladies, but they know me and give me a proper Thai massage, and not the tourist version. I am able to relax totally during these 90 minutes and have my stiff neck and shoulders from the flight worked out . It has even happened that the lady who was working on me became concerned because she thought that I was sleeping.

Later I went to one of the bars which my friends run and met a lady who had obviously been prepared for my arrival. I know this lady since my first visit in LOS but at that time she had a Thai boyfriend and only worked behind the bar. Later she was married to an English gentleman who I also know. He was an absolute arsh*le. Not her opinion, but mine after meeting him two Years ago.

A small, very aggressive example of England's finest. Now divorced.

We went sightseeing during the day to various locations which many Thais don't even know of. Ocean World by Siam Paragon, Ko Kret, the island west from Don Muang, Safari World, Ancient Village and the dream from every Thai (I don't know why), Pattaya for two days.

Pattaya can be Hell. Lots of Englishmen, many who want to demonstrate that they are stronger than all others on the streets. Shoulder and hip confutations are almost the normal mode in 'Walking Street' and Beach Road nowadays. There are a couple of good Music bars which are worth visiting but they have prices !!

Also be careful about taking a boat to Ko Larn. You may pay about 150 Baht for the express boat but land on the normal boat which should cost much less . It is worth a visit though. The facilities on the island have been improved over the last couple of years, without destroying the Thailiness

But now back to my birthday. Back in Bangers, middle of January, we went to a good Pub (Ship Inn) where one can eat well (for my taste), good English food and also good Thai food for my escort. Later we went to a couple of music bars such as Absolute 7 on Soi 7/1 and Country Road at the Asoke end from Cowboy. On the way back through Soi Cowboy we went into a bar which my companion wished to see, the one with the naughty boy corner, about in the middle, on the left as you go from Asoke.

She appeared amused to see such activities for the first time, (The bobbing heads) and started talking to a couple of ladies, of course in Thai so that I could only understand about 25% of what was going on. I can speak English, German, French. and Latin (always good to confuse the Indian tailors), but my Thai knowledge is restricted to a couple of polite greetings, paying my bill, telling the taxi where to go and of course a few insults. The only Thai words which I can read are Baht and Farang.

After a few lady-drinks my escort organised a taxi (five ladies in the back-I don't know how) and I'm sitting up front. At this point I was not even quite sure what's going on ! I even protested about the large number of ladies who where there and said that I was quite happy with my escort without help from her legions.

Protest didn't help. On my 60th Birthday I had five ladies in my room who popped me a blue pill (first time in my life), ensured that I was clean from head to foot, and then proceeded to work on me. I will not go into details, but I experienced just about almost every pleasant sexual variation which a man could dream of.

I cannot understand why certain Moslem terrorists believe that after sacrificing their life for Allah, that they come into heaven with xxx virgins. They must be terribly frustrated ! The ladies who were by me were certainly not virgins, but certainly knew how to satisfy a male creature of the species Homo Sapiens. It was Eden Club to the exponent 3. :- yes Bruce, your club is magnificent and I have no complaints, spent my 59th birthday with you, but there are even better experiences .

As the ladies left early next morning, I of course walked (crabbled) down with them in order to arrange transport.

The receptionist at the front desk looked a little concerned. I could see him counting the ladies. I could really see how one , then two, three, four and five lights go on in his cranium. He then asked me (I assume for my own safety) if everything was alright. I could not suppress my naughty humor and told him. „No. The bed collapsed during the night.

It was a perfect birthday present , which could only happen in LOS.

I am also able to confirm that the beds in the Hotel are in the truth very stable. I do not intend to do any advertising but Stick knows where I was staying, because he picked up a couple of bottles of wine for his Ms. from me there on the next evening.

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Stickman's thoughts:

Sounds like a good time was had by all!